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DISCLAIMER:

This rant contains high doses of common sense, moderate profanity, and a trace of uncut rage. If you're allergic to logic or get hives at the thought of a bridge being built in under 25 years, consult your nearest libertarian.

You ever try to build something in America?

I don’t mean “start a business” or “launch an app” — I mean physically build a goddamn thing. A train. A wind farm. A school. A factory. A house. Hell, a chicken coop if you’re not zoned for “fowl adjacency.”

Well,...

(When you’re too antisemitic for Shakespeare class but not too antisemitic for the White House)

SATIRE WARNING

The following rant contains sharp language, historical accuracy, religious slurs used by the president, and more hypocrisy than a televangelist’s bank statement. If you’re offended by the truth, close your eyes and pretend it’s still 1985. Everyone else, grab your popcorn and your barf bag—we’re going in.

So now we’re here. Again.

Again.

Another week, another antisemitic screed from...

(Because “plantation economics” didn’t test well with the base)

SATIRE WARNING

This rant contains heavy sarcasm, historical comparisons, and extremely uncomfortable truths. If you prefer your dystopia with a flag on it and no reading required, now’s your last chance to change the channel.

You know how sometimes you hear something so fucking evil, it sounds like it rolled straight out of a 19th-century plantation ledger?

Well, welcome to “owner responsibility.”

That’s the new immigration plan,...

SNARKY DISCLAIMER:

This rant is brought to you by the ghost of George Carlin, who reminds you that when fascists wrap themselves in flags, they tend to forget the part about funding public education. This one’s for the kids they left behind—and the parents they hung out to dry.

You know what’s really patriotic?

Cutting billions in school funding that Congress already approved.

Because nothing says “America First” like leaving your nation's children with fewer books, no after-school programs,...

SATIRE DISCLAIMER (NOW WITH EXTRA DEMOCRACY!)

This is stand-up satire in a Carlin voice. If you think democracy can be stolen with 49%, disillusionment is optional—context is mandatory.

RANT: “RCV—The Democracy Kryptonite Republicans Fear”

So here’s what’s happening: New York City drops its mayoral primary under Ranked Choice Voting, and what do we get? Zohran Mamdani—the outsider, the socialist, the left-field challenger—leads with 44% after round one. Cuomo? He’s stuck at 36%, and bows...

Welcome to the One Big Screwed-Over Bill

(a.k.a. the One Big Beautiful Bill Act, if you’re a rich sociopath with tax-exempt yachts and a permanent tan line from your offshore accounts)

SATIRE WARNING

The following message contains brutal honesty, industrial-strength sarcasm, and enough political bile to make your local senator weep into their lobbyist-funded bourbon.

This is your last stop before the Truth Train rolls over your 401(k), your public library, and your kid’s school lunch.

...

DISCLAIMER:

This rant is brought to you by the Constitution—what’s left of it—and by the number 6, as in the six black-robed turds who decided the courts should work like DMV lines: slow, redundant, and absolutely incapable of saving your ass in real time. Side effects include whiplash, indigestion, and a sudden desire to scream into the void.

So here's the setup:

Let’s say your government wakes up one morning and decides, “Hey! What if we make some Americans not American anymore?” Or maybe...

SNARKY DISCLAIMER:

Warning: The following rant may contain facts, logic, and moral outrage. Side effects include clenched fists, muttered curses, and a burning desire to register voters. Ask your doctor if screaming into the void is right for you.

So let me get this straight.

The Job Corps—a federally funded, wildly successful, not-at-all-controversial program that helps young, low-income Americans learn actual skills like carpentry, health care, and IT—was doing its job, minding its...

SNARKY DISCLAIMER:

This satirical rant is brought to you by the George Carlin School of Civic Education, where we teach that the real American Dream is staying awake long enough to see the bastards get bench-slapped.

So here's a fun one for your Fourth of July week, kids:

While the Supreme Court is busy taping a "DO NOT DISTURB" sign on the Constitution, real judges—the ones who still think law means something—are stepping up like it’s the ninth inning and democracy’s got two outs.

Let’s talk...

WARNING: THIS RANT MAY CONTAIN ACTUAL SCIENCE. ALSO, OFFENSE.

Side effects include rational thinking, contagious sarcasm, and an urge to scream into the nearest vaccine vial. Consult your doctor if reality lasts longer than four hours.

SNARK ALERT: The Surgeon General has determined that exposure to raw truth, uncut sarcasm, and live political logic may result in spontaneous brain activity. Proceed with caution.

You know what pisses me off?

We used to have plagues because we didn’t have ...

DISCLAIMER: The following rant contains extreme sarcasm, brutal honesty, and an unhealthy respect for logic. Side effects may include snorting, fist-pumping, and a sudden urge to yell at your elected officials. If you’re offended, you might be part of the problem.

You know what, folks? I’m gonna start off on a rare note of agreement.

You run a child porn ring?

You lie to get into this country and cover it up with kiddie smut on your hard drive?

Then yeah—revoke your damn citizenship. Put your...

SATIRE DISCLAIMER (NOW WITH 100% TRACKED STEPS AND 0% CONSENT)

This is political satire in the screaming, snarling spirit of George Carlin. If you’re easily offended by jokes about biometric surveillance, corporate fascism, or your government selling your data for lunch money… this probably isn’t your safe space.

So RFK Jr. wakes up one day, looks at a nation filled with chronic disease, and instead of saying, “Let’s fix the food, the water, the housing, the...

WARNING: THIS RANT CONTAINS DANGEROUS LEVELS OF TRUTH. SIDE EFFECTS MAY INCLUDE CRITICAL THINKING, EXISTENTIAL DREAD, AND A STRONG URGE TO QUESTION AUTHORITY. CONSULT YOUR CONSCIENCE BEFORE PROCEEDING.

Let’s take a little drive, shall we?

You’re on your way home. Seatbelt on. Blinkers working. Maybe you did coast a little on that stop sign—but nothing crazy. Nothing worthy of anything more than a raised eyebrow and a “hey, be careful.”

But this time, the cop’s not just running your plate for...

Hi there, darlings—it’s your girl Kendra, and I’m back with another one of those interviews that makes you want to grab a glass of wine, curl up in a cozy chair, and start plotting a murder. On the page, of course. Probably.

This time, I’m chatting with Jenna Maeson—yes, that Jenna Maeson, the wickedly clever mind behind the Jenna Maeson Mysteries, which are exactly what you’d expect from someone who drinks coffee like it’s a sacred rite and writes books in the slivers of time she steals...

SATIRE DISCLAIMER (NOW WITH EXTRA BALLOT BALLS)

This is a fictional rant channeling George Carlin—blunt, bold, and wired to democracy. If you think "clear results" equals "trust?" Sit down, nerd.

So let me get this straight.

We’ve got a county in New York where people swear they voted.

They filled in the bubbles for Senate AND President—but the machines counted none for President in some districts.

No votes for Kamala, none for Biden—but scroll up? Thousands...

SATIRE DISCLAIMER (NOW WITH EXTRA ‘HELL NO’!)

This is satire in the voice of George Carlin—part stand-up, part scorched-earth civics lesson. If you think shoving sacred texts into science class is patriotism, we’ve got a lovely wall between church and state we’d like to introduce you to.

Let’s get this straight.

Louisiana tried to slap the Ten Commandments on the wall of every classroom like it’s part of the goddamn core curriculum.

Because clearly, the thing missing from modern education isn’t...

SATIRE DISCLAIMER (NOW WITH EXTRA TIRED SPINES)

This is stand-up satire, not gardening advice. If you think leveling legacy and turning public spaces into private bragging rights is leadership, good luck with your evening tea party on asphalt.

So here’s what happened—

They ripped out Jackie Kennedy’s historic Rose Garden lawn, bulldozed it, and turned it into a flashy, flat concrete patio.

Why? Because high heels and wet grass apparently offend Trump more than rubbing out history does. And don’...

SATIRE DISCLAIMER—NOW WITH EXTRA JUDICIAL TEETH

This is stand-up satire in George Carlin’s snarling voice—truth bombs, profanity, and post‑9/11 New York attitude. If you can’t handle that, maybe don’t keep reading.

So MAGA sees Zohran Mamdani win because New Yorkers said “fuck your establishment bros.”

They lost their goddamn minds, calling it a “9/11 threat,” brandishing Mamdani’s Muslim identity like he’s about to light the skyline on fire.

Loomer, Kirk, Stefanik, Cruz—they’re preaching fear...

SATIRE DISCLAIMER (Now With 100% More Deportation Whiplash)

This is a fictional rant in the unmistakable voice of George Carlin. If you think pulling over 19-year-old scholarship students and handing them to ICE is “law and order,” you might be suffering from a severe case of authoritarian bootlicking. Consult your conscience. Side effects may include rage, empathy, and the sudden urge to vote like people’s lives depend on it. Because they do.

So let me get this straight.

FOTUS goes on...

Satirical Disclaimer:

The following message is brought to you by Common Fucking Sense—now available in limited supply, thanks to Congress being allergic to it.

THE IMPEACHMENT THAT WASN’T

So let me get this straight.

The guy bombs a country for ratings.

Brags about it like a middle-schooler who just “pwnd” a rival in Fortnite.

Then announces a ceasefire that doesn’t exist, gets mad when reality doesn’t follow his script, and… what’s Congress do?

They hit pause.

Oh sure, they didn't say they were...