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SNARKY LEGAL DISCLAIMER:

This is satire. This is fury. This is protected speech under the First Amendment, until FOTUS figures out how to burn that too. If you’re a legislator with a Sharpie and a god complex, duck and cover.

You hear that noise?

That’s the sound of democracy getting redrawn like a toddler’s coloring book.

Utah voters—remember them? Actual people?—passed a ballot measure for an independent redistricting commission. They wanted fairness. They wanted sanity. The legislature said:...

SNARKY DISCLAIMER

This is satire. Vulgar, furious, George Carlin–style satire. If you’re the kind of person who thinks extorting a Fortune 500 CEO is “good business,” you should probably quit reading now and go polish your Trump NFT. Everyone else: buckle in.

So here’s the deal, folks: Donald Trump, the Felon of the United States, has finally pulled the mask off the whole operation. Forget the bullshit about “free markets” and “conservative principles.” He walked into Intel, pointed a fat,...

Disclaimer

This is satire. No historical victims or medical professionals were harmed in the making of this rant — but public health just took a hit so bad even measles is RSV-ing. If you think comparing lifesaving vaccines to slavery is a valid political argument, you might already be in an authoritarian training camp.

Well, Florida has done it again — surgeon general Joseph Ladapo, standing beside Governor DeSantis, just ripped decades of public health into shreds faster than a cheap souvenir...

LEGAL DISCLAIMER (Snarky but Required):

This is satire. Vulgar, exasperated, pissed-off satire. Protected by what’s left of the First Amendment. If you’re RFK Jr., Donald Trump, or one of their goon squad vaccine-skeptics, and you think this is slander—congratulations, you’ve officially lost the ability to distinguish satire from reality. That’s on you.

You ready for this shit?

Because here’s the headline: The Trump-Kennedy clown car administration is gearing up to BAN COVID-19 vaccines...

Disclaimer

This is satire. No federal agencies were harmed in the making of this rant — unless you count their credibility, which was already hanging by a thread. Any resemblance to real-world events is because reality insists on being a bad comedy sketch.

So here’s where we are: the Department of Justice finally coughs up 33,000 pages of the so-called Epstein files. Thirty-three thousand! Sounds impressive, right? You picture a warehouse full of boxes, Raiders of the Lost Ark style. But when...

LEGAL DISCLAIMER:

This is satire, profanity-laced outrage, and righteous mockery. If you’re a member of Congress who thinks green card holders should be deported for a single drunk driving offense—or for merely admitting to one—then yes, this is about you. Cry into your donor checks.

So here comes the latest masterstroke of cruelty: the “Protect Our Communities from DUIs Act.” Cute name. As if this is about protecting anyone. Spoiler: it’s not. It’s about giving Trump’s xenophobic machine...

Disclaimer

This is satire. If you think the President has the constitutional power to single-handedly rewrite election law, congratulations — you’re already living in parody. The resemblance to real-world events is purely because reality won’t stop imitating bad comedy.

Labor Day’s supposed to celebrate workers, but FOTUS decided it was the perfect weekend to try and lay off democracy itself. He announced an executive order to mandate voter ID in every U.S. election and ban almost all mail-in...

LEGAL DISCLAIMER:

Satire, parody, rage. Protected speech under what’s left of the First Amendment. No, we’re not giving anyone a how-to manual for fascism—we’re just pointing out that the Felon of the United States seems to be writing one himself.

So here’s the latest chapter in Trump’s all-you-can-eat xenophobia buffet: the administration is asking the Supreme Court to let ICE use “apparent ethnicity,” language, and where you work as reasonable suspicion to stop and detain you.

Translation? If...

LEGAL DISCLAIMER (Snark with legal teeth):

This is satire, parody, performance art—George Carlin–style bile sprayed on the walls of democracy. If you confuse this for policy analysis, seek help. No actual dictators were harmed in the making of this rant, but the Felon of the United States sure wishes he could borrow their job descriptions.

So here we are. Labor Day. Supposed to be about workers, unions, barbecues, and maybe pretending summer isn’t over yet.

But Trump? Oh no. He’s spending it on...

Disclaimer

This is satire. No wind turbines were harmed in the making of this rant — they were too busy being canceled by executive order. Any resemblance to actual government policy is, unfortunately, deliberate.

Labor Day’s around the corner. A holiday to celebrate American workers. So what does the Trump administration do to honor it?

They cancel $679 million in offshore wind funding, yank a $716 million loan guarantee, and shut down a wind farm that was 80% finished. That’s right — they...

DISCLAIMER (Snark, but also lawyering):

This is satire. Loud, profane, and protected by that dusty old First Amendment. If you think this rant is aimed at you, that’s probably because you were wearing a ski mask and pretending to be law enforcement last Friday night.

So here’s the story:

Houston. Friday night. A family at home, probably watching TV, maybe having dessert. Knock at the door. Two guys in ski masks, wearing bulletproof vests, flashing badges like they bought them at Spirit...

LEGAL DISCLAIMER (Because the lawyers drink too):

This is satire. It’s also profane, exasperated, and fact-based enough to make MAGA accountants sweat. If you invested in Trump’s last NFT of him riding a velociraptor in a cape, I regret to inform you: this is gonna sting worse than your Coinbase balance.

So, folks—he’s at it again.

Donald Trump, the man whose business record reads like a goddamn obituary page for failed casinos, steaks, airlines, and “universities,” is hawking a new scam from...

SNARKY LEGAL DISCLAIMER:

This is satire, obscenity, and outrage. If you think the president has the legal right to turn the nation’s capital into his personal garrison town, you probably also think the Bill of Rights is just a Chinese takeout menu. This ain’t a policy brief—it’s George Carlin–style stage fire.

So here it is, folks: Washington, D.C. just became Trump’s dress rehearsal for martial law.

He signs an executive order, puts Pete Hegseth—Fox News’s favorite barstool warrior—on the...

Disclaimer (snarky & legal) This is a work of satire. No actual firefighters were harmed in the making of this rant. Any resemblance between authoritarian policy and reality is, unfortunately, reality’s fault.

Alright, folks, gather round. Because apparently, when the country’s on fire, the real emergency isn’t the flames, the smoke, or the towns about to get swallowed — it’s firefighters with the wrong immigration status.

That’s right. The Bear Gulch wildfire in Washington State: 400...

LEGAL DISCLAIMER (Snarky but Necessary):

This is satirical, George Carlin–style rage. That means profanity, mockery, and zero respect for corrupt assholes. If you think coal is “beautiful” or that emergency orders should be written on fossil fuel company stationery, grab your pearls and leave now. The rest of us are staying for the bonfire.

So here’s the scam: Trump and his fossil fuel fuckboys just declared war on your lungs, your wallet, and basic goddamn sanity. They dragged a coal plant...

FULL FUCKING CARLIN MODE

This ain’t polite commentary. This ain’t a history podcast. This is the raw sewage truth, piped straight from the golden toilet of fascism into your morning coffee. If you clutch pearls at vulgarity, cover your ears now—because this is democracy with brass knuckles.

Here’s the scam:

ICE and DHS are digging through 55 million visas, looking for excuses to deport people. Not because they’re dangerous. Not because they’re criminals. But because every single one of those...

SNARKY LEGAL DISCLAIMER

This is satire, loud and profane, protected by what’s left of the First Amendment. If you still think “other countries pay our tariffs,” you may be entitled to financial compensation—from yourself.

Alright, Jimmy MAGA, gather ‘round. Here’s the trick: they slap a tariff on imports, the importer pays it at the port, then every link in the chain marks it up like a church bake sale run by loan sharks. By the time it hits your cart, it’s a national sales tax dressed like a...

SNARKY LEGAL DISCLAIMER

This is satire. This is rage. This is George Carlin channeled through the sewer pipe of American fascism. If you’re looking for polite NPR commentary, change the channel. This is for people who know the smell of bullshit when it’s smeared across the Constitution.

You hear that sound?

That’s not liberty ringing. That’s ICE jackboots stomping on necks while the brass section plays Stars and Stripes Forever in a minor fucking key.

Let’s take a stroll through their Hall of...

Satire Disclaimer:

This is political and technological satire in the style of George Carlin. The following is a fictional comedy routine. If you think I’m personally insulting your favorite video chat platform, your CEO, or your grandma’s Zoom skills — you’re correct, but it’s still a joke.

You know, I’ve been watching “human communication” evolve for over a century.

First we had the telegraph — short, snappy, and expensive. “Stop.” You didn’t ramble over a telegraph. You sent, “War’s over....

SNARKY DISCLAIMER

This is satire, George Carlin–style. It’s profane, it’s furious, and it’s legally protected under what’s left of the First Amendment. If you think “concentration camp” is just a spicy synonym for “temporary housing facility,” you might want to leave the room before I start throwing chairs.

What the fuck, America?

Seriously—what the actual fuck?

We did this already. World War II. Japanese internment. Round up families. Ship ‘em off. Tell ‘em it’s “for their safety.” Lock ‘em...