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LEGAL DISCLAIMER (because we have to):

The following is a satirical commentary inspired by real-world events, filtered through the hypothetical, unfiltered voice of the late George Carlin. It does not represent the views of any political candidate, living or undead.

Any resemblance to real egos, orange or otherwise, is purely coincidental.

No movie studios were harmed in the making of this rant—though several brain cells were.

Reader discretion advised. Strong language, stronger opinions,...

Legal Disclaimer

This satirical rant is written in loving tribute to the late, great George Carlin. It is not his work (unless George is back and ghostwriting through my code), and it’s meant for political critique, comedy, and catharsis—not coddling. If you’re offended, consult your conscience.

"Trump’s Foreign Policy: Gaslight, Grab, and Gaza-a-Lago"

As performed by your very pissed-off digital George Carlin

You remember how Trump promised he’d end the war in Ukraine on day one?

Yeah.

Turns...

GEORGE CARLIN ON TRUMP, THE SUPREME COURT, AND TRANS PEOPLE IN THE MILITARY

Live from the back row of Heaven, flipping the bird straight down.

You hear the latest from America’s favorite fascist funhouse? The Supreme Court—aka the Conservative Clown Car in Black Robes—just greenlit Trump's ban on transgender people in the military. That’s right. The same guy who dodged the draft with “bone spurs” now thinks he’s the authority on military readiness.

And the Supreme Court?

They rubber-stamped it...

LEGAL DISCLAIMER (Because We Have To)

The following is a satirical commentary inspired by real-world events, filtered through the hypothetical, unfiltered voice of the late George Carlin. It does not represent the views of any political candidate, living or undead. Any resemblance to real egos, orange or otherwise, is purely coincidental. No movie studios were harmed in the making of this rant—though several brain cells were. Reader discretion advised. Strong language, stronger opinions, and...

Legal Disclaimer:

This post is a work of political satire and commentary, presented in the spirit of the First Amendment and inspired by the late George Carlin’s unapologetically blunt approach to truth-telling. Any resemblance to actual authoritarian regimes—past, present, or future—is entirely intentional. Side effects may include critical thinking, eye-rolling, and spontaneous outbursts of “What the hell is going on?!” Reader discretion is advised.

Part 1: “The Rock Is Back, Baby!”

So now...

“Welcome to Newark: Delays, Disrepair, and a Democracy in Decline”

George Carlin, 2025 edition

You ever fly into Newark lately?

Well, good f***ing luck.

The place looks like someone tried to build an airport out of used duct tape and Reaganomics. It’s like stepping into a time machine designed by Amtrak—in the seventies. You got digital screens powered by dial-up, carpet that remembers Vietnam, and a TSA line that runs on the honor system and prayer.

Now they’re saying it’s because of “staff...

Legal Disclaimer

This is satire in the full-throated, pissed-off spirit of George Carlin. If you think the problem here is the language and not the policies, go find a safe space in a civics textbook. This one's for the people wondering how the hell authoritarianism got rebranded as “tough on crime.”

“The Police State Parade Has a Theme Song Now”

A George Carlin-Style Rant on Trump’s Latest Cop-Loving EO

So Trump signed a new Executive Order last week—April 28, 2025, for those of you still...

Legal Disclaimer

This is a satirical commentary in the unmistakable, uncensored voice of George Carlin: smart, pissed off, and swinging. If you're offended by words more than by policies that hurt people? Congratulations—you’re the reason this rant exists.

This targets public figures and public policy. If you're upset, talk to your conscience—or better yet, your senator.

"Tesla's Autopilot: The Road Runner's New Best Friend"

So, a Tesla on Autopilot recently crashed into a wall painted to...

“Airline Announcements: Still Boring, Still Bullsh*t”

An homage to George Carlin’s original, with turbulence included

You remember George’s bit. The one where he pointed out that airline announcements are filled with useless phrases like:

“We’re beginning our initial descent…”

INITIAL descent.

As opposed to what—a spontaneous nosedive into the Hudson?!

And the classic:

“We’re going to begin boarding by zones…”

By zones!

Because apparently, we’re all livestock in a psychological experiment to see...

Note: Since George often did stage versions and also narrative versions (see his books), I figured I'd give it a whirl. Stage first - I hope you can laugh at the tragedy - and then narrative. Then a little more.

I may have gone overboard.

Buckle up. This one's long.

- Adam

“So, They’re Banning Books Again, Huh?”

A George Carlin Rant

You know what I love about America?

We’ve got the biggest military budget on Earth, three different kinds of Cheez Whiz, and more guns than people...

but God forbid a...

Legal Disclaimer

This is a First Amendment–protected satirical commentary in the voice of George Carlin. If you think the vulgarity is the problem and not the authoritarian grift being described, you might already be part of the punchline.

“The Constitution Ain’t a Coupon, Donnie!”

A George Carlin-Style Rant on Trump’s First Amendment Idiocy

So the bloated orange menace is back at it—Donald J. Can’t-Read-the-Constitution Trump—and this time he’s defunding Big Bird and trying to tax Harvard...

This is a fictional satirical rant, lovingly forged in the voice of the late George Carlin. It is not written by George (unless he’s channeling through my computer), and it is not subtle, polite, or designed to make billionaires feel cozy. If you’re offended, congratulations—you’re listening.

“Trump’s Economic Genius: Spoiler Alert—It’s Bullsh*t”

A George Carlin-Style Rant for the Broke and the Furious

Let’s talk about Donald Trump, the self-proclaimed “best businessman,” “economic genius,” “...

Legal Disclaimer

The following is a piece of satirical commentary written in the voice of the late George Carlin, protected under the First Amendment. It targets public policies and institutions, not individuals, and contains harsh language, explicit criticism, and a complete unwillingness to coddle bigotry masquerading as public service.

If you’re offended by the words more than the actions described, congratulations—you’re exactly who it’s aimed at.

“Exploratory Therapy? I’ll Show You...

Legal Disclaimer
This is a satirical commentary inspired by the late George Carlin, known for his incisive critiques of societal and political issues. The views expressed here are fictional and intended for entertainment purposes, protected under the First Amendment. Any resemblance to actual persons or events is purely coincidental.

"Pride and Prejudice: A Corporate Love Story"
Ah, June. The month when corporations remember that LGBTQ+ people exist. They dust off the rainbow logos, slap them...

“Dumb Drivers in a Dumb Country: Or Why the Left Lane Is Where Intelligence Goes to Die”

A George Carlin-Style Combo Rant: Now with 40% More Horn Honking and 100% Less Brain Power

Let’s talk about Americans.

You know the ones. The people who think the moon landing was fake, but their Facebook meme about vinegar curing COVID? That’s gospel.

Now take that crowd—and put them in a car.

Welcome to the American highway system:

A multi-lane dumbass parade with no exit ramps for common sense.

Driving Is...

"Stuff 2.0: Now With 80 Terabytes of Nothing"

In the style of George F**ing Carlin*

You know what I’ve been thinking about lately?

Stuff.

You remember stuff. We used to own it.

Books. Records. Junk. Crap. Trophies. Clothes. Broken blenders we were "gonna fix one day."

But now?

We don’t own stuff anymore.

Now we subscribe to it.

We rent our music.

We stream our TV.

We store our files in invisible boxes floating in the goddamn sky.

Welcome to the Cloud.

A magical place where all your important...

Legal Disclaimer

This is a satirical commentary written in the spirit of the late George Carlin: blunt, irreverent, and laser-focused on hypocrisy in public policy and political discourse. It targets systems, not individuals, and is protected under the First Amendment as criticism of public figures, laws, and legislation.

Any resemblance to sincerity is purely coincidental.

No religions were harmed in the making of this rant—unless they were already running into traffic on their own.

If you’...

Legal Disclaimer

This is a satirical commentary in the voice of George Carlin, a late comedian known for unapologetically roasting public figures, government institutions, and the commodification of common sense. This parody is protected under the First Amendment, directed at public policy, not individuals, and includes strong language, biting humor, and a deep distrust of anyone selling citizenship like it’s a f***ing Costco membership.

“The Gold Card: Now With 500% More F* You!”**

A George...

Legal Disclaimer

This is a satirical commentary in the unmistakable voice and spirit of the late George Carlin—unfiltered, unapologetic, and designed to punch up at power, not down at people.

The views expressed here are not literal, not actionable, and not meant to be mistaken for news, policy, or interplanetary travel advice. This piece is protected under the principles of free speech and parody, particularly as it critiques public figures, corporations, and government policy.

If you're...

Legal Disclaimer

This is satire in the full-throated, pissed-off spirit of George Carlin. If you think the problem here is the language and not the policies, go find a safe space in a civics textbook. This one's for the people wondering how the hell authoritarianism got rebranded as “tough on crime.”

In the Style of George Carlin

Step 1: Scare the Sh*t Out of Everybody

First thing you gotta do: make 'em afraid.

Terrorists, immigrants, drug dealers, protesters, cybercriminals, people who say...