Disclaimer

This is satire. Nobody’s accusing Marco Rubio of actually growing a spine — because there’s no evidence of that in the public record.

You want to measure the cost of Trump’s second term? Don’t look at the stock market ticker. Look at the warehouses. Look at the silos. Look at the pallets of ready-to-use therapeutic food — the stuff that saves children from malnutrition — being bulldozed into dumpsters in Georgia because the Department of Government Efficiency decided starving kids was cheaper than feeding them.

Eighty-three percent of USAID programs gutted in six weeks. Nearly half a million tons of food aid left to rot. Clinics shuttered from Sudan to Bangladesh. Cholera ripping through refugee camps. The Lancet projects fourteen million preventable deaths by 2030, including four and a half million children under five. That’s not “foreign policy realignment.” That’s state-sanctioned famine.

And sitting at the top of this charnel house? Marco fucking Rubio.

Remember Rubio in the Obama years? Little Marco on TV telling us foreign aid was national security, that food shipments bought stability, that helping starving kids abroad kept America safe at home. Fast-forward to 2025: Secretary of State Rubio, smiling for the cameras while food spoils and contraceptives expire because “efficiency.” He went from “aid is patriotism” to “let it rot” faster than you can say “I’d like a job in Trump’s cabinet.”

Principles? Out the window. Power is the only principle. So long as FOTUS grins and calls him “a good boy,” Rubio will hand-wave away millions of dead kids like they were a line item in the budget.

Even our European allies begged: let us repackage it, let us distribute it, we’ll do it on our dime. Denied. Why? Because the cruelty is the point. Because famine is policy now. Because helping people, anywhere, makes the Strongman look weak — and Rubio would rather lick Trump’s boots than lift a spoon to a starving child.

And yes, Susan Collins and Jeanne Shaheen wrote their concerned letter — Dear Marco, why did all the food get tossed in the garbage? Please explain yourself. That’s not oversight, that’s Yelp review politics. Children are starving, women are dying, and America is telling the world “one-star, would not recommend democracy.”

Rubio knows better. That’s the insult layered on the injury. He knows aid works. He knows cutting it kills. But he also knows power tastes sweeter than principle — and as long as Trump calls the tune, Little Marco will keep dancing.