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Disclaimer: This isn’t policy, it’s mob boss theater. If you came for constitutional clarity, go read the Federalist Papers. This is the moment you see the Oval Office turned into a street-corner extortion ring.

So Adams quits the race for NYC mayor, and what does our resident Orange Godfather do? He sneers into the megaphone and says: “If Mamdani wins, I will withhold federal money from New York.” That’s not governance—that’s a threat. That’s a bribe. That’s mob boss style: vote the ‘wrong’...

Disclaimer: This ain’t law school, folks. This is George Carlin with a sledgehammer. If you came for balanced reporting, go find a teeter-totter. I’m here to call out bullshit where it stinks the most—and right now the whole goddamn Department of Justice smells like a backed-up porta-potty at a Trump rally.

So Fat Orange Jesus wants James Comey’s head on a pike. He screams on social media: “Indict him NOW! Justice must be served!” And—abracadabra—suddenly the Eastern District of Virginia...

Disclaimer: This ain’t policy analysis, it’s George Carlin with his middle finger up and a spotlight. If you want nuance, tune into NPR. If you want to hear how your country’s being sold off like a clearance rack at Walmart, pull up a chair.

So Fat Orange Jesus waddles into the Oval Office, waves his tiny Sharpie, and suddenly an H-1B visa—the lifeline for skilled workers, scientists, doctors, and engineers—jumps from a couple grand to a hundred thousand dollars. One hundred. Thousand....

Disclaimer: This isn’t diplomacy, this is George Carlin with a chainsaw. You want polite talk about “frameworks” and “confidence-building measures”? Go watch C-SPAN. This is about how Trump tried to sell the planet a timeshare in hell.

Trump waddles into the United Nations and drops his big shiny “21-point plan to end the Israel-Hamas war.” Twenty-one points! Sounds impressive, right? Like he’s got binders full of peace. Spoiler: it’s horseshit. It’s not a plan, it’s a PowerPoint with bullet...

Disclaimer: This ain’t about patch notes, it’s George Carlin screaming into your headset. If you thought loot boxes were the biggest scam in gaming, wait till you see who’s buying the damn company.

Electronic Arts. The people behind Madden, Battlefield, The Sims. The cultural junk food we’ve been devouring for decades. Now it’s being bought out for $55 billion by a tag-team of Saudi investors, private equity vampires, and none other than Jared “Always on the Grift” Kushner. That’s right —...

Disclaimer: This isn’t legal scholarship, it’s George Carlin with a diploma and a Molotov. If you want careful nuance, go read a law review. If you want the truth served hot and blunt, keep your ears open.

Here’s the scam in plain English: the people who run Florida want to gut the national standards that make a law degree mean something across state lines. Why? Because national standards can’t be easily weaponized into culture-war theater. So they’re ripping the rug out from under the ABA,...

Disclaimer: This isn’t justice, it’s George Carlin watching Law & Order in a funhouse mirror. If you thought courts were about evidence and fairness, sit down. This is political retribution on tap, and the keg is orange.

Here’s how the clown show works.

First, Erik Siebert—career prosecutor, Trump’s own pick—gets told: “Go nail Letitia James, go nail Comey, go nail Schiff.” Siebert looks at the evidence and says, “There isn’t any.” That’s the job, folks. You don’t indict unless you can...

Disclaimer: This ain’t about literacy, it’s about lunacy. If you came for a book club, go sip Chardonnay with Oprah. If you came to see how censorship looks when it’s run by morons with crayons, welcome to Florida.

Florida wants the crown. They’re not satisfied with gators, hurricanes, and bad meth tattoos. No, they’re gunning for the gold medal in Dumbfuckistan, USA. And their event of choice? Book banning.

Here’s the rule: no study, no proof, no expertise required. Don’t like a book? Boom—...

Disclaimer: This isn’t education policy, it’s George Carlin with chalk dust in his lungs. If you’re hoping for a balanced debate, go sit in detention. If you want a blowtorch taken to a hypocrite with a God complex, keep listening.

Ryan Walters started out as a history teacher. Teacher of the Year finalist, apple-polisher, the whole deal. Then he discovered power, and like every two-bit wannabe commissar, he turned into a culture-war hall monitor with a grudge.

He screams that teachers are...

Disclaimer: what follows is comedy, opinion, and exasperation. Not news, not legal advice, and definitely not polite dinner conversation. If you think it is, you need a civics class and maybe a hug.

So FOTUS hops on Truth Social and coughs up this little gem:

“I have a meeting today with Russ Vought, he of PROJECT 2025 Fame, to determine which of the many Democrat Agencies, most of which are a political SCAM, he recommends to be cut, and whether or not those cuts will be temporary or...

Disclaimer: This is satire. If it sounds like the truth, it’s because the truth got mugged, stripped naked, and duct-taped to the front of the Capitol.

You think the GOP stumbled into this shutdown? Wrong. They wanted it. They’re rubbing their little grubby hands together going, “Perfect—lights are off, cameras are off, the referees are out cold, let’s loot the joint.”

Because here’s the deal: a shutdown isn’t gridlock, it’s cover. With no oversight, no staffers, no watchdogs, they can run the...

Disclaimer: This is George Carlin with a microphone, not your guidance counselor. If you want soothing voices, try NPR. If you want rage wrapped in jokes, keep your ass in the seat.

Here’s how the game works. Trump passes his giant boondoggle—the One Big Beautiful Bill—that hacks a trillion dollars out of Medicaid over the next decade. Cuts, caps, requirements, the whole nine yards. But the thing doesn’t even kick in all at once. It’s a slow-motion guillotine, one year at a time.

So what do the...

Disclaimer:

Warning: tonight’s rant contains explicit language, explicit fury, and a healthy dose of mockery for legislators who think “porn filters” are gonna save civilization. If you’re clutching pearls, hang on tight—they’re about to get yanked.

So here we are, folks. Michigan. Not Alabama. Not Mississippi. Not Florida. Michigan. The supposed swing-state middle of America where everyone pretends they’re too practical for culture wars. And what’s their legislature doing? Trying to outlaw...

Disclaimer: This is satire. But if it feels uncomfortably close to reality, that’s because reality’s been sniffing glue behind the gym again.

So here we go: FOTUS and his ventriloquist dummy Hegseth drag 800 generals into a room at Quantico. Not for strategy. Not for defense. Not for, oh, I don’t know, protecting the country. No, it’s for a goddamn loyalty seminar.

They stand up there like two mall cops on a power trip and basically say: “Listen up, you fat generals, shave your beards, stand...

Disclaimer: This isn’t “thoughts and prayers,” it’s George Carlin with a throat mic. If you want polite mourning, go sit in a pew. If you want the truth about why the bullets keep flying, strap in.

Over the weekend, America hosted its usual horror double-feature. Saturday night in North Carolina, Nigel Edge climbs on a boat, aims at a crowded bar, and opens fire. Three people dead, five wounded. Premeditated, targeted, deliberate. Not an “oopsie.” Not a fit of passion. This was planned...

DISCLAIMER

Tonight’s rant is brought to you by the fine people at “Holy Shit, This Is Corruption,” the network that never sleeps, never blinks, and never stops counting the ways your democracy is being pawned off like a busted lawnmower at a yard sale.

So here’s the scam: TikTok. Biggest youth platform on the planet. The one app where teenagers and twenty-somethings actually learn things their civics teachers can’t tell them because some dipshit school board banned the textbook. Dangerous...

Disclaimer: This ain’t economics, it’s George Carlin with a migraine. If you were hoping for balanced trade analysis, go call the World Bank. If you want a profanity-laced autopsy of a clown stapling tariffs to everything that moves, stay seated.

First up, pharmaceuticals. FOTUS decides: 100% tariffs on imported brand-name drugs, unless Big Pharma is already building a factory here. Not producing here—just shoveling dirt counts! “Break ground and you’re golden.” This isn’t policy, this is a ...

Disclaimer (snarky but legal): This is satire and opinionated theatrical ranting. If you’re thin-skinned, allergic to profanity, or wear a MAGA hat to bed, consider this your warning label. Nothing here is legal advice — just catharsis.

Jesus tap-dancing Christ on a podium — did Missouri just elect a Twitter troll with a Senate badge? Eric Schmitt strolls up to the mic and announces, loud and proud, that America “belongs to us.” Us. Not the folks who built the railroads, not the people whose...

Disclaimer:

The following rant contains harsh truths and foul language. If you’re allergic to either, your deductible just went up. George is not a doctor, but he knows bullshit when he smells it.

You hear what the Republicans cooked up this time? They yanked away the ACA tax credits — the only thing keeping working people from getting bent over by the insurance companies. And then they’ve got the nerve, the balls, the pure corporate chutzpah to say: “Oh, your premiums are too high now? Don’t...

Disclaimer: This rant is satire. George Carlin’s ghost is not running for office, the DOJ cannot subpoena punchlines, and no actual ballots were harmed in the making of this performance.

You know what I love? When the government tells you it’s about integrity.

“Integrity” means they’re about to jam their hand up your ass and rummage around for your wallet.

The DOJ—now run by Pam Bondi, who couldn’t find the First Amendment with a flashlight and a Sherpa—is suing states to hand over their entire...