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As we get ready to prepare a Thanksgiving dinner, I thought we ought to take a stroll down memory lane, when food was, you know. Food.

Disclaimer: This piece contains professional outrage, industrial-strength profanity, and enough sarcasm to melt a Senate hearing. It’s satire, folks — the political kind, not the punch-down kind. Any resemblance to actual turkeys, living or indicted, is entirely coincidental. The views expressed herein are those of George on caffeine, rage, and principle — in...

Disclaimer: This is a George Carlin–style rant. If you believe “we’re all in this together,” you haven’t seen the launch list. Strap in, buttercup — the future’s boarding early, and the gate’s labeled IQ Required.

You know what’s funny about humanity finally cracking warp drive? It’s not the science. It’s the timing.

We spent five thousand years inventing civilization — fire, language, plumbing, TikTok — and the second we figure out how to bend spacetime, it’s not to explore the stars. It’s to...

Satirical Disclaimer: This is a George Carlin–style rant. There will be profanity, mockery, and uncomfortable truths about capitalism wearing a communist hat. If you came here for bipartisan civility, you took a wrong turn at the breadline.

You know what’s funny? For a hundred and fifty years, we’ve been told socialism is evil. The government shouldn’t own anything, shouldn’t set prices, shouldn’t interfere in the “free market.” And now? Now the self-proclaimed defenders of capitalism are...

Disclaimer: This performance may contain traces of democracy, decency, and derision. If you’re allergic to truth, fairness, or laughter at the expense of fascists, please exit the theater and report to the nearest Fox affiliate.

You ever notice how when Democrats win an election, Republicans act like somebody stole their lunch money, burned the flag, and ate the ashes in front of Mount Rushmore?

This week was no different. Democrats take New Jersey, Virginia, New York City—and what does the big...

Satirical Disclaimer: This is a eulogy in the style of George Carlin — meaning there will be profanity, passion, and possibly the faint sound of God crying in 4/4 time. If you’re allergic to nostalgia, truth, or the word fuck, go back to your algorithm and let it feed you another influencer with an acoustic guitar and a ring light.

You ever notice how we don’t lose culture anymore — we just slowly smother it in ads until it forgets it was ever alive? Yeah. That’s what happened to MTV.

MTV used...

Satirical Disclaimer: This is a George Carlin–style rant. If you came here looking for bipartisan nuance, go read a Hallmark card. This one’s for people who remember when voting was supposed to be a right, not a reality show sponsored by billionaires and ballot initiatives written by lobbyists with trembling hands and too much Red Bull.

So here we are — another Election Day, November 4, 2025. The Founding Fathers are spinning in their graves so fast we could hook them up to the grid and solve...

Legal Disclaimer: This is a satirical rant in the style of George Carlin aimed at public figures and public acts already reported. If you run the war room, take a long look in the mirror — that reflection is now evidence.

He hasn’t declared war. Oh no — that would be too neat, too legal, too Congressy. Little Mikey keeps the House on a part-time schedule — sixteen days? twenty days? pick your insult — while still cashing checks, and the man in the birdbath with the comb-over plays...

Legal Disclaimer: This is satire in the style of George Carlin. It’s aimed at public figures and public acts already in the news. If you recognize yourself, that’s on you.

Colorblind, my ass. These black-robed bastards up on the bench are pretending they can’t see race while they draw the goddamn map with a burning cross for a compass. They’re squinting at the Constitution like it’s fine print on a loan shark’s contract—because it is, if you let them write it.

They talk about “neutral...

Legal Disclaimer: This is satire in the style of George Carlin. It’s about public people and public words. If you’re clutching pearls or campaign checks—good. That means the shoes fucking fit.

So here we are. The next generation of “patriots,” the shiny-faced heirs of Reagan, chanting the same old hymns with new emojis. These are the kids they said would “take back America.” Well, mission accomplished—they’ve taken it back to 1938.

They call it “Young Republicans.” Cute name. Sounds like a Boy...

Legal Disclaimer: This is a work of satirical commentary. No actual mummies, vampires, or Republican senators were harmed in the making of this rant — though a few might finally feel something resembling shame. If you’re clutching your pearls right now, try unclenching your wallet instead. It’s the government you should fear, not the words describing it.

Ah, Halloween in America. The one night a year we pretend to be scared of fake monsters while the real ones run the fucking country.

Forget...

Legal Disclaimer: This is satire, profanity, and linguistics in equal measure. If you think “rizz” is Shakespearean, or “67” is a deep philosophical concept and not what your brain scores on a spelling test—buckle the fuck up.

Language, folks.

Our favorite bad habit. We keep making more of it like we’re running a verbal Ponzi scheme.

English especially—Jesus, English is the drunk raccoon of languages. It steals shiny words from every culture it meets, chews them up, and spits out something that...

Legal Disclaimer: This is a work of satirical commentary, protected under the First Amendment — which, last I checked, still covers calling out liars, grifters, and the rich assholes who write laws pretending to love “working Americans.” If you’re offended, congratulations — you’re probably on payroll at Turning Point USA or still think trickle-down economics involves actual water.

You ever notice how every time a Republican says “beautiful,” somebody’s about to get fucked?

The “Big Beautiful...

Legal Disclaimer: This is a work of satirical commentary, protected under the First Amendment — at least until some orange-faced dictator decides the Constitution is “too woke.” It targets public figures and public policies, not your Aunt Susan who still thinks Trump’s “mean tweets” were leadership. If you’re offended, congratulations — you’re part of the fucking problem.

You know what the Presidential Medal of Freedom used to mean? Because it meant something.

It meant you changed the world —...

Legal Disclaimer: This is a satirical commentary in the unmistakable, unapologetic, four-lettered voice of George Fucking Carlin — a place where free speech wears combat boots and hypocrisy gets a wedgie. It targets public figures, public lies, and public policy. If you’re offended by profanity but not propaganda, if slurs against truth bother you less than slurs against decency — congratulations, you’re the problem this rant was written for. This is art, not incitement; criticism, not...

Legal Disclaimer: This is a satirical commentary written in the furious, funny, and foul-mouthed spirit of George Fucking Carlin. It’s social criticism, not sacrilege; comedy, not conspiracy. If you’re offended by words more than by genocide, censorship, or historical whitewashing — congratulations, you’ve proven the goddamn point. Public figures, public proclamations, public consequences — fair game. If this stings, it’s because it’s true.

So on October 9th, Donald the First issued a...

Legal Disclaimer: This is a satirical commentary in the unmistakable, unfiltered voice of George Carlin. If you’re offended by words more than by corruption, you’re part of the goddamn problem. Public figures, public policy, public ridicule — it’s all fair game.

So apparently — apparently — Watergate was a hoax. Yeah. Donald the First, Lord of the Lies, has decided that one of the best-documented scandals in human history — complete with tapes, resignations, prison sentences, and an Academy...

Disclaimer: Opinion, satire, and righteous fury. Not legal advice. If you’re looking for nuance, try a pamphlet—this is a punch to the throat.

They didn’t cut special education because the math didn’t add up. They cut it because the people it helps don’t add up in the one ledger that matters to this regime: profit and power. If you’re not rich, straight, white, cis, Christian, and willing to clap on command, congratulations — you’re an expendable line item.

This administration doesn’t govern....

Legal Disclaimer: This is satire, folks. A political exorcism in the style of George Carlin. If you’re a federal employee, DHS intern, or red-hatted hall monitor with a clipboard — relax. These are jokes about public figures, public acts, and the public collapse of common sense. If it stings, maybe fix the fucking system.

You’ve got to hand it to him — Donald J. Trump is the first guy in history to lose the Nobel Peace Prize because the world couldn’t find any war he actually stopped… and...

SATIRE DISCLAIMER : This is a work of political satire in the style of George Carlin.It’s not journalism, not bipartisan, and not designed for delicate constitutions.

If you’re clutching pearls or flags, set them down gently — this one’s gonna rattle the glassware.

You ever watch a dog chase its tail, catch it, and then bite down? That’s the Trump trade policy. The dog caught its tail, bit it clean off,and then declared victory on Truth Social.

Let’s roll back the tape, kids, because this...

Satire Disclaimer : This is a parody rant in the style of George Carlin. Strong language, exaggerated tone, and biting criticism ahead. It’s not a transcript, biography, or legal argument—just truth wearing a flamethrower.

So President Trump strolls into a discussion and says: “We took the freedom of speech away… when they burn the flag.” Bless his heart. That’s like a magician telling you he made your watch disappear—then asking for it back.

Let’s be clear: the Supreme Court — that’s right,...