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Legal Disclaimer: This is a satirical commentary in the style of George Carlin. If you’re on a government payroll and your job description reads “do crimes, wear flag,” you may experience discomfort. That’s not cancel culture; that’s your soul trying to crawl out of your body. Hydrate.

Corruption? Buddy, corruption is the operating system. We’re not a country; we’re a vending machine. Insert billionaire, press policy, receive hot steaming favor with a side of public funds.

Look at San...

Legal Disclaimer: This is a satirical commentary in the style of George Carlin. If you’re wearing body armor to a school board meeting, this isn’t a personal attack. It’s a civic intervention. If you think the Bill of Rights is a buffet and the only amendment worth defending starts with “the right to bear,” grab a plate — we’re serving irony tonight. And if you’re in ICE’s new armored division polishing your “peacekeeping” tank, don’t worry — I’ll be gentle. I know how fragile fascists can be...

Legal Disclaimer: This is a satirical commentary in the style of George Carlin. If you’re a senator with a pulse and a health plan we pay for, relax — this isn’t about you personally. It’s about the swamp that keeps your co-pay at zero while everyone else’s life turns into a billing statement. If you feel attacked, that’s your conscience trying to reboot. Try turning it off and back on again.

So here we are.

Government’s shut down again.

Not because we ran out of money — we’ve got trillions....

WARNING: THIS IS NOT YOUR GRANDFATHER’S VETERANS DAY POST Contains swearing, sincerity, rage, reverence, and zero tolerance for performative patriotism. If you think “supporting the troops” means slapping a decal on your SUV while voting against their benefits—this is not for you. If you’re allergic to the idea that some heroes wore combat boots and eyeliner—brace yourself. We’re talking about the queer, trans, and unflinchingly human veterans who bled for a country still deciding if they...

DISCLAIMER: This is political satire in the voice of George Carlin. If you’re DHS, DOJ, or the Ethics Office—relax. There’s nothing to investigate; ethics resigned months ago. If you’re a voter who still thinks this is “draining the swamp,” congrats—you’re the swamp water.

So the Felon-in-Chief walks into the Oval Office last week—three lawyers, two crowns, and one functioning neuron between them—and announces that the United States of America owes him two hundred and thirty million dollars....

DISCLAIMER: This is a satirical commentary in the style of George Carlin. If you’re DHS, OMB, or a MAGA rep still cashing your check while pretending to work—don’t worry, I’m not coming for your job. It’s already furloughed. If this makes you mad, congratulations: you might still be awake.

As I write this, it’s Day 21 of the shutdown. Three weeks since the lights went out in Washington and the roaches started redecorating.

The bullshit’s getting real now—SNAP benefits are about to vanish like...

DISCLAIMER: This is a satirical commentary in the style of George Carlin. If you’re a lawyer for the regime, a constitutional scholar having a stroke, or a Supreme Court justice who can’t spell “ethics,” buckle up. This one’s gonna hurt like a civics lesson with a taser.

You ever notice how every time these people say “law and order,” what they really mean is “our laws, your orders”?

Yeah. The “rule of law” crowd doesn’t even like law anymore. They treat it like an old dog that won’t die—“Aw,...

Satirical Disclaimer: This is a work of political satire in the spirit of George Carlin—meaning if you’re offended, you were probably the target audience. No halos, no crowns, no loyalty oaths—just free speech, raw language, and uncomfortable truths. If you’re DHS, ICE, or one of those freshly deputized “Freedom Police” interns with a clipboard and a confused moral compass: this is a joke. If you’re a citizen watching your government cosplay monarchy—this isn’t.

You notice they’ve stopped...

As we get ready to prepare a Thanksgiving dinner, I thought we ought to take a stroll down memory lane, when food was, you know. Food.

Disclaimer: This piece contains professional outrage, industrial-strength profanity, and enough sarcasm to melt a Senate hearing. It’s satire, folks — the political kind, not the punch-down kind. Any resemblance to actual turkeys, living or indicted, is entirely coincidental. The views expressed herein are those of George on caffeine, rage, and principle — in...

Disclaimer: This is a George Carlin–style rant. If you believe “we’re all in this together,” you haven’t seen the launch list. Strap in, buttercup — the future’s boarding early, and the gate’s labeled IQ Required.

You know what’s funny about humanity finally cracking warp drive? It’s not the science. It’s the timing.

We spent five thousand years inventing civilization — fire, language, plumbing, TikTok — and the second we figure out how to bend spacetime, it’s not to explore the stars. It’s to...

Satirical Disclaimer: This is a George Carlin–style rant. There will be profanity, mockery, and uncomfortable truths about capitalism wearing a communist hat. If you came here for bipartisan civility, you took a wrong turn at the breadline.

You know what’s funny? For a hundred and fifty years, we’ve been told socialism is evil. The government shouldn’t own anything, shouldn’t set prices, shouldn’t interfere in the “free market.” And now? Now the self-proclaimed defenders of capitalism are...

Disclaimer: This performance may contain traces of democracy, decency, and derision. If you’re allergic to truth, fairness, or laughter at the expense of fascists, please exit the theater and report to the nearest Fox affiliate.

You ever notice how when Democrats win an election, Republicans act like somebody stole their lunch money, burned the flag, and ate the ashes in front of Mount Rushmore?

This week was no different. Democrats take New Jersey, Virginia, New York City—and what does the big...

Satirical Disclaimer: This is a eulogy in the style of George Carlin — meaning there will be profanity, passion, and possibly the faint sound of God crying in 4/4 time. If you’re allergic to nostalgia, truth, or the word fuck, go back to your algorithm and let it feed you another influencer with an acoustic guitar and a ring light.

You ever notice how we don’t lose culture anymore — we just slowly smother it in ads until it forgets it was ever alive? Yeah. That’s what happened to MTV.

MTV used...

Satirical Disclaimer: This is a George Carlin–style rant. If you came here looking for bipartisan nuance, go read a Hallmark card. This one’s for people who remember when voting was supposed to be a right, not a reality show sponsored by billionaires and ballot initiatives written by lobbyists with trembling hands and too much Red Bull.

So here we are — another Election Day, November 4, 2025. The Founding Fathers are spinning in their graves so fast we could hook them up to the grid and solve...

Legal Disclaimer: This is a satirical rant in the style of George Carlin aimed at public figures and public acts already reported. If you run the war room, take a long look in the mirror — that reflection is now evidence.

He hasn’t declared war. Oh no — that would be too neat, too legal, too Congressy. Little Mikey keeps the House on a part-time schedule — sixteen days? twenty days? pick your insult — while still cashing checks, and the man in the birdbath with the comb-over plays...

Legal Disclaimer: This is satire in the style of George Carlin. It’s aimed at public figures and public acts already in the news. If you recognize yourself, that’s on you.

Colorblind, my ass. These black-robed bastards up on the bench are pretending they can’t see race while they draw the goddamn map with a burning cross for a compass. They’re squinting at the Constitution like it’s fine print on a loan shark’s contract—because it is, if you let them write it.

They talk about “neutral...

Legal Disclaimer: This is satire in the style of George Carlin. It’s about public people and public words. If you’re clutching pearls or campaign checks—good. That means the shoes fucking fit.

So here we are. The next generation of “patriots,” the shiny-faced heirs of Reagan, chanting the same old hymns with new emojis. These are the kids they said would “take back America.” Well, mission accomplished—they’ve taken it back to 1938.

They call it “Young Republicans.” Cute name. Sounds like a Boy...

Legal Disclaimer: This is a work of satirical commentary. No actual mummies, vampires, or Republican senators were harmed in the making of this rant — though a few might finally feel something resembling shame. If you’re clutching your pearls right now, try unclenching your wallet instead. It’s the government you should fear, not the words describing it.

Ah, Halloween in America. The one night a year we pretend to be scared of fake monsters while the real ones run the fucking country.

Forget...

Legal Disclaimer: This is satire, profanity, and linguistics in equal measure. If you think “rizz” is Shakespearean, or “67” is a deep philosophical concept and not what your brain scores on a spelling test—buckle the fuck up.

Language, folks.

Our favorite bad habit. We keep making more of it like we’re running a verbal Ponzi scheme.

English especially—Jesus, English is the drunk raccoon of languages. It steals shiny words from every culture it meets, chews them up, and spits out something that...

Legal Disclaimer: This is a work of satirical commentary, protected under the First Amendment — which, last I checked, still covers calling out liars, grifters, and the rich assholes who write laws pretending to love “working Americans.” If you’re offended, congratulations — you’re probably on payroll at Turning Point USA or still think trickle-down economics involves actual water.

You ever notice how every time a Republican says “beautiful,” somebody’s about to get fucked?

The “Big Beautiful...