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(Live from Planet Earth — where democracy’s on fire and the arsonist is holding the hose.)

Legal Disclaimer: This is satire, comedy, and unlicensed civics. If you think the Constitution is a menu, or that “early voting” means showing up drunk the night before, you’re in the right place. If you believe Jesus personally wrote the Electoral College into the Bible, please go wait in line at the DMV — forever.

For everyone else: buckle up. Because this election season, the biggest threat to...

Disclaimer: This is political satire, loaded with profanity, rage, and disrespect for bullshit. If you’re looking for balance, go watch cable news pretend both sides are equally nuts. Here we name names.

Texas tried to rig the game so hard the refs finally blew the whistle.

Again.

Let’s walk through this flaming clown car nice and slow.

FOTUS and Greg Abbott cooked up a little scheme: “Hey, what if we redraw Texas in the middle of the decade and grab ourselves FIVE more House seats? We’ll call...

(Live from Planet Earth — where nobody knows how anything works but everyone’s got an opinion anyway.)

Legal Disclaimer: This is satire, comedy, and unlicensed science. If you think Pepto is a vitamin, electricity is a government hoax, or Bluetooth is how demons talk to each other — you’re in the right place. If you’re allergic to profanity, logic, or laughter that makes you question your life choices, please exit the theater now and go leave a one-star Yelp review for gravity.

The rest of...

Legal Disclaimer: This is a satirical commentary in the voice of George Carlin. If you’re allergic to profanity, logic, or the idea that science is more important than billionaire dick-measuring contests, go watch cable news. The rest of us have galaxies to discuss.

You ever look up at the sky and really think about what’s up there? Not the zodiac shit or your cousin’s horoscope—I mean what’s actually flying around this planet right now.

We’ve got asteroids out there doing synchronized...

Legal Disclaimer: This is a satirical commentary in the style of George Carlin. If you’re a billionaire warlord, an orange televangelist, or a defense-contracting ghoul who gets a hard-on every time you hear the word payload, this might sting. That’s not cancel culture—that’s conscience trying to reboot. Hydrate.

So Russia built a missile that can fly forever.

Fifteen hours, eight thousand miles, still going. A nuclear-powered cruise missile, because apparently “mutually assured destruction”...

Legal Disclaimer: This is a satirical commentary in the style of George Carlin. If you’re a venture capitalist currently explaining to investors how your “AI gun-detection algorithm” can save lives while flagging Doritos, buckle up. I’m about to debug your soul.

I love artificial intelligence. I really do. The interaction between synthetics and other citizens of the Terran Federation are a recurring theme in my books. It’s the first time in human history we’ve tried to build something smarter...

SATIRE ALERT: THIS IS A GEORGE CARLIN–STYLE RANT. If you are easily offended, constitutionally delicate, allergic to profanity, or think FOTUS is playing 4-D chess instead of 1-ply tic-tac-toe, now is the time to evacuate the premises. Everyone else? Buckle up. The man’s ego is leaking all over the floor and it stains.

Ladies and gentlemen, gather ‘round. Strap in. We are witnessing a world-class Olympic event in Hypocrisy Gymnastics. FOTUS has completed a full epistemic backflip so tight...

Hey there, troublemakers—Kendra Cassidy here. Retired Admiral, Federation badass, and your guide to the cozy side of chaos.

Today, we’re heading down to the coast—where the sea air’s sharp, the tea is hot, and the body count is strictly fictional… unless it’s book launch week. That’s right, I’ve got Shannon Symonds in my sights, and if you don’t know her yet, it’s time you fixed that.

Shannon writes from an old house by the sea—or sometimes the Utah desert, because she likes to keep her readers...

Legal Disclaimer: This is a satirical commentary in the style of George Carlin. If you think “first class” means you’re winning at life, not just sitting closer to the pilot while the rest of us suffocate behind a curtain, buckle the fuck up. This one’s got turbulence.

You know what I love about modern journalism? The optimism. The blind, champagne-fueled optimism.

Apparently, folks — we’ve done it. We’re back. The airlines are returning to service, baby! Free drinks in economy! Coffee for the...

Legal Disclaimer: This is a George Carlin–style commentary. If you’re the kind of patriot who thinks starving kids builds character, you might want to put the flag down before it starts crying.

They’re not governing anymore, folks. They’re gambling with groceries. Forty-two million Americans—fifteen percent of the goddamn country—and these sanctimonious bastards are holding dinner hostage like it’s a bargaining chip in a backroom poker game. “Sorry, little Timmy, Daddy’s tax cut means you’re...

Legal Disclaimer: This is a satirical commentary in the style of George Carlin. If you’re on a government payroll and your job description reads “do crimes, wear flag,” you may experience discomfort. That’s not cancel culture; that’s your soul trying to crawl out of your body. Hydrate.

Corruption? Buddy, corruption is the operating system. We’re not a country; we’re a vending machine. Insert billionaire, press policy, receive hot steaming favor with a side of public funds.

Look at San...

Legal Disclaimer: This is a satirical commentary in the style of George Carlin. If you’re wearing body armor to a school board meeting, this isn’t a personal attack. It’s a civic intervention. If you think the Bill of Rights is a buffet and the only amendment worth defending starts with “the right to bear,” grab a plate — we’re serving irony tonight. And if you’re in ICE’s new armored division polishing your “peacekeeping” tank, don’t worry — I’ll be gentle. I know how fragile fascists can be...

Legal Disclaimer: This is a satirical commentary in the style of George Carlin. If you’re a senator with a pulse and a health plan we pay for, relax — this isn’t about you personally. It’s about the swamp that keeps your co-pay at zero while everyone else’s life turns into a billing statement. If you feel attacked, that’s your conscience trying to reboot. Try turning it off and back on again.

So here we are.

Government’s shut down again.

Not because we ran out of money — we’ve got trillions....

WARNING: THIS IS NOT YOUR GRANDFATHER’S VETERANS DAY POST Contains swearing, sincerity, rage, reverence, and zero tolerance for performative patriotism. If you think “supporting the troops” means slapping a decal on your SUV while voting against their benefits—this is not for you. If you’re allergic to the idea that some heroes wore combat boots and eyeliner—brace yourself. We’re talking about the queer, trans, and unflinchingly human veterans who bled for a country still deciding if they...

DISCLAIMER: This is political satire in the voice of George Carlin. If you’re DHS, DOJ, or the Ethics Office—relax. There’s nothing to investigate; ethics resigned months ago. If you’re a voter who still thinks this is “draining the swamp,” congrats—you’re the swamp water.

So the Felon-in-Chief walks into the Oval Office last week—three lawyers, two crowns, and one functioning neuron between them—and announces that the United States of America owes him two hundred and thirty million dollars....

DISCLAIMER: This is a satirical commentary in the style of George Carlin. If you’re DHS, OMB, or a MAGA rep still cashing your check while pretending to work—don’t worry, I’m not coming for your job. It’s already furloughed. If this makes you mad, congratulations: you might still be awake.

As I write this, it’s Day 21 of the shutdown. Three weeks since the lights went out in Washington and the roaches started redecorating.

The bullshit’s getting real now—SNAP benefits are about to vanish like...

DISCLAIMER: This is a satirical commentary in the style of George Carlin. If you’re a lawyer for the regime, a constitutional scholar having a stroke, or a Supreme Court justice who can’t spell “ethics,” buckle up. This one’s gonna hurt like a civics lesson with a taser.

You ever notice how every time these people say “law and order,” what they really mean is “our laws, your orders”?

Yeah. The “rule of law” crowd doesn’t even like law anymore. They treat it like an old dog that won’t die—“Aw,...

Satirical Disclaimer: This is a work of political satire in the spirit of George Carlin—meaning if you’re offended, you were probably the target audience. No halos, no crowns, no loyalty oaths—just free speech, raw language, and uncomfortable truths. If you’re DHS, ICE, or one of those freshly deputized “Freedom Police” interns with a clipboard and a confused moral compass: this is a joke. If you’re a citizen watching your government cosplay monarchy—this isn’t.

You notice they’ve stopped...

As we get ready to prepare a Thanksgiving dinner, I thought we ought to take a stroll down memory lane, when food was, you know. Food.

Disclaimer: This piece contains professional outrage, industrial-strength profanity, and enough sarcasm to melt a Senate hearing. It’s satire, folks — the political kind, not the punch-down kind. Any resemblance to actual turkeys, living or indicted, is entirely coincidental. The views expressed herein are those of George on caffeine, rage, and principle — in...

Disclaimer: This is a George Carlin–style rant. If you believe “we’re all in this together,” you haven’t seen the launch list. Strap in, buttercup — the future’s boarding early, and the gate’s labeled IQ Required.

You know what’s funny about humanity finally cracking warp drive? It’s not the science. It’s the timing.

We spent five thousand years inventing civilization — fire, language, plumbing, TikTok — and the second we figure out how to bend spacetime, it’s not to explore the stars. It’s to...