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Hey hey, book hunters—Kendra Cassidy here, ready to drag you into the dark, thrilling, and just-plain-good storytelling of Val Penny—one of my favorite crime writers who proves that the heart of a mystery often lies in ordinary lives made extraordinary.

Val Penny is an American author now living in Southwest Scotland, penning two gripping crime series that’ll keep you checking over your shoulder long after you close the book. Her first claim to chilling fame: the DI Hunter Wilson Crime...

Disclaimer

This is satire. No presidents were harmed in the making of this rant — though some may have accidentally signed incriminating birthday cards. If you think the FBI once used Donald Trump as an informant, you’ve been huffing Freedom Gas straight from the can.

You want to know what fear looks like? Fear looks like Epstein survivors holding a press conference on Capitol Hill… and military jets buzzing overhead, drowning them out mid-sentence. Survivors of sex trafficking trying to tell...

Disclaimer

This is satire. No courts were harmed in the making of this rant — unless you count their overworked clerks. If you think the President has the power to bulldoze the Constitution, you might already be watching Fox News with the sound off.

September’s not even half over, and FOTUS has been racking up losses in court like a drunk gambler at a Vegas slot machine. Let’s take a look at the scoreboard, shall we?

First up: E. Jean Carroll. Remember her? He called her a liar, a “nut job,” all...

Disclaimer

This is satire. No influencers were harmed in the making of this rant — well, except the one who actually was. If you confuse satire with news coverage, that’s on the media blackout, not on me.

So here we are. September 13. Four days since Charlie Kirk got shot. And the right has been wall-to-wall about it. Candlelight vigils for the guy who made a career out of being hateful, smug, and dumber than a bag of hair.

But while Fox and friends are polishing his halo, what didn’t they talk...

Disclaimer

This is satire. No judges were harmed in the making of this rant — though a few lawmakers might need ice packs for the ass-kicking they just got from the Constitution. Any resemblance to actual legislative gerrymanders is entirely intentional.

Utah. The place where Republicans have such a death grip on politics you’d think Jesus himself was on the state payroll. They carved Salt Lake City into four Republican strongholds like a Thanksgiving turkey, slicing up the only swing district...

Disclaimer

This is satire. No judges were harmed in the making of this rant — though a couple may need to explain to their donors why they suddenly remembered the Constitution exists.

The Fifth Circuit Court of Appeals. Yeah, that Fifth Circuit. The court so far right they don’t even have left arms. The place you go when you want theocracy with a side of tax cuts.

And lately? They’ve been… reasonable. I know, I can’t believe it either.

First up — drag shows.

Texas university says: “No drag shows...

Disclaimer

This is satire. No government officials were harmed in the making of this rant — unless you count their pride, credibility, and commitment to democracy. If you confuse satire with reality, that’s on reality for getting so damn close to parody.

You know your country’s in trouble when the National Guard shows up in D.C. not to protect the Constitution, not to respond to an attack, not even to fix potholes — but to spread mulch around cherry trees.

That’s not security. That’s stagecraft....

Disclaimer (snarky & legal)This is satire. If you think I’m accusing the State of Louisiana of being racist — relax. I’m accusing them of being so racist that even the Fifth Circuit Court noticed. Lawyers: you’re welcome for the distinction.

So, picture this: Louisiana. One-third of the population is Black. That’s a big, obvious number. You’d think that would mean at least a third of the seats would be drawn so Black voters can elect someone they actually want.

But Louisiana looked at that...

SNARKY DISCLAIMER

This is satire. Furious, foul-mouthed, and performed in the spirit of George Carlin rising from the grave to scream at us for letting it get this far. If you think this rant sounds like a conspiracy theory—good. Because history keeps proving those crazy bastards right.

You smell that?

That’s the smell of democracy’s carcass getting sliced up by the MAGA carving crew while Stephen Miller licks the bones clean.

Here’s the playbook they’re running—and it’s not subtle. It’s the ...

LEGAL DISCLAIMER (Snarky but Necessary):

This is satire. Loud, profane, and performed with a middle finger raised to authoritarian cosplay. If you think storming into Chicago with the National Guard is “public safety,” you might want to get your head checked. Or better yet, crack open a history book.

You see this shit?

The Felon of the United States sits behind the Resolute Desk like a bloated Bond villain hiding behind mahogany and bruises—mumbling about “saving” Washington, D.C. from crime...

SNARKY LEGAL DISCLAIMER:

This is satire. This is fury. This is protected speech under the First Amendment, until FOTUS figures out how to burn that too. If you’re a legislator with a Sharpie and a god complex, duck and cover.

You hear that noise?

That’s the sound of democracy getting redrawn like a toddler’s coloring book.

Utah voters—remember them? Actual people?—passed a ballot measure for an independent redistricting commission. They wanted fairness. They wanted sanity. The legislature said:...

SNARKY DISCLAIMER

This is satire. Vulgar, furious, George Carlin–style satire. If you’re the kind of person who thinks extorting a Fortune 500 CEO is “good business,” you should probably quit reading now and go polish your Trump NFT. Everyone else: buckle in.

So here’s the deal, folks: Donald Trump, the Felon of the United States, has finally pulled the mask off the whole operation. Forget the bullshit about “free markets” and “conservative principles.” He walked into Intel, pointed a fat,...

Disclaimer

This is satire. No historical victims or medical professionals were harmed in the making of this rant — but public health just took a hit so bad even measles is RSV-ing. If you think comparing lifesaving vaccines to slavery is a valid political argument, you might already be in an authoritarian training camp.

Well, Florida has done it again — surgeon general Joseph Ladapo, standing beside Governor DeSantis, just ripped decades of public health into shreds faster than a cheap souvenir...

LEGAL DISCLAIMER (Snarky but Required):

This is satire. Vulgar, exasperated, pissed-off satire. Protected by what’s left of the First Amendment. If you’re RFK Jr., Donald Trump, or one of their goon squad vaccine-skeptics, and you think this is slander—congratulations, you’ve officially lost the ability to distinguish satire from reality. That’s on you.

You ready for this shit?

Because here’s the headline: The Trump-Kennedy clown car administration is gearing up to BAN COVID-19 vaccines...

Disclaimer

This is satire. No federal agencies were harmed in the making of this rant — unless you count their credibility, which was already hanging by a thread. Any resemblance to real-world events is because reality insists on being a bad comedy sketch.

So here’s where we are: the Department of Justice finally coughs up 33,000 pages of the so-called Epstein files. Thirty-three thousand! Sounds impressive, right? You picture a warehouse full of boxes, Raiders of the Lost Ark style. But when...

LEGAL DISCLAIMER:

This is satire, profanity-laced outrage, and righteous mockery. If you’re a member of Congress who thinks green card holders should be deported for a single drunk driving offense—or for merely admitting to one—then yes, this is about you. Cry into your donor checks.

So here comes the latest masterstroke of cruelty: the “Protect Our Communities from DUIs Act.” Cute name. As if this is about protecting anyone. Spoiler: it’s not. It’s about giving Trump’s xenophobic machine...

Disclaimer

This is satire. If you think the President has the constitutional power to single-handedly rewrite election law, congratulations — you’re already living in parody. The resemblance to real-world events is purely because reality won’t stop imitating bad comedy.

Labor Day’s supposed to celebrate workers, but FOTUS decided it was the perfect weekend to try and lay off democracy itself. He announced an executive order to mandate voter ID in every U.S. election and ban almost all mail-in...

LEGAL DISCLAIMER:

Satire, parody, rage. Protected speech under what’s left of the First Amendment. No, we’re not giving anyone a how-to manual for fascism—we’re just pointing out that the Felon of the United States seems to be writing one himself.

So here’s the latest chapter in Trump’s all-you-can-eat xenophobia buffet: the administration is asking the Supreme Court to let ICE use “apparent ethnicity,” language, and where you work as reasonable suspicion to stop and detain you.

Translation? If...

LEGAL DISCLAIMER (Snark with legal teeth):

This is satire, parody, performance art—George Carlin–style bile sprayed on the walls of democracy. If you confuse this for policy analysis, seek help. No actual dictators were harmed in the making of this rant, but the Felon of the United States sure wishes he could borrow their job descriptions.

So here we are. Labor Day. Supposed to be about workers, unions, barbecues, and maybe pretending summer isn’t over yet.

But Trump? Oh no. He’s spending it on...

Disclaimer

This is satire. No wind turbines were harmed in the making of this rant — they were too busy being canceled by executive order. Any resemblance to actual government policy is, unfortunately, deliberate.

Labor Day’s around the corner. A holiday to celebrate American workers. So what does the Trump administration do to honor it?

They cancel $679 million in offshore wind funding, yank a $716 million loan guarantee, and shut down a wind farm that was 80% finished. That’s right — they...