⚖️ LEGAL DISCLAIMER (With Maximum Snark):

 The following content is a fictional satire, delivered by our legally-definitely-not-reanimated friend George Carlin. Any resemblance to real billionaires, bootlicking Congressmen, or sociopathic trust fund toddlers destroying public health from a golden toilet is absolutely intentional. Viewer discretion advised if you’re allergic to truth, swearing, or basic fucking empathy.

🎭 STAGE LIGHTS UP. SPOTLIGHT ON GEORGE.

You wanna talk about Medicaid? Yeah? Let's talk about how the One Big Beautiful Bill—OBBBA, or as I like to call it, “Operation Bend the Backs of the Broke Again”—just took a meat cleaver to public health and jammed it right up the national ass.

Because here’s the dirty fucking truth, kids: they didn’t cut Medicaid.

They eviscerated it.

They butchered it with a smile, a goddamn spreadsheet, and a ceremonial pen handed out at a champagne brunch with hedge fund CEOs.

And now? Now they’re lying about it.

“Oh nooo, we didn’t cut it!”

“We’re spending more on Medicaid than ever before!”

Yeah. No shit. Water also costs more when your house is on fire, you absolute morons.

It’s like someone slashes your tires and then says, “Look, the road is still there, so technically you can go places.”

No, fuckface. You stranded people. On purpose. And you charged them for the knife.

They’re throwing around some bullshit $50 billion “hospital fund” like it’s a life raft—after throwing 10 million people into the fucking ocean with $1 trillion in cuts. That’s not life-saving, that’s public relations CPR for a corpse you already buried under Wall Street’s backyard tiki bar.

And here come the Republicans! Stumbling out of the burning building they lit themselves, gaslighting like their lives depend on it. (Because their jobs sure as hell do.)

In states where people actually read past the headline?

They’re panicking.

Scrambling to “clarify,” “contextualize,” or—my personal favorite—blame the immigrants, because of course they fucking are.

But in the Dumbass Confederacy of Gilead?

They don’t even bother with facts.

They just lie.

Straight-up say, “We increased Medicaid!”

 Even as hospitals shut their doors, moms are denied prenatal care, and grannies are told, “Sorry, your dialysis got defunded, but here’s a copy of Atlas Shrugged to keep you company.”

WHY? WHY THE FUCK ARE THEY DOING THIS?

Because that $1 trillion didn’t evaporate.

It wasn’t “lost.”

It was transferred.

Stolen from sick kids, working moms, and rural towns—and hand-delivered to billionaires who piss into gold toilets and wipe with stock options.

The One Big Beautiful Bill is nothing but a handjob for the one percent—a warm, glistening thank-you card written in the blood of the fucking working class.

And here’s the best part?

The idiots who voted for FOTUS?

The ones flying “Don’t Tread On Me” flags from their rusted F-150s while guzzling Mountain Dew and calling it a political philosophy?

They’re the ones who get fucked hardest.

Because billionaires?

They’ve got private doctors. Concierge medicine. They get flown to Swiss spas for a check-up.

But rural Arkansas? West Texas? Appalachia?

They get ERs with no staff, clinics shuttered, and maybe a meth dealer who moonlights as a chiropractor.

This is what oligarchy looks like, folks.

And while they’re stealing your health, your money, your fucking future—they’re telling you it’s for your own good.

Like an abusive ex who cuts up your credit cards and says, “It’s because I love you, baby.”

🎤 END SCENE.

GEORGE TAKES A BOW. THE STAGE EXPLODES INTO FLAMES.

Because nothing says American healthcare like setting the house on fire and charging you to piss on it.