⚠️ SNARKY DISCLAIMER

 This is satire. Fire-breathing George Carlin energy delivered legally. If you're a political junkie, constitutional law nerd, or unpaid aide in the swamp—this is probably about you. No lawsuits were harmed in the making of this rant.

Ladies and gentlemen, the Felon of the United States has levered the executive arm so far into legislative territory, he's now starring in a tragic–comedy called “How To Govern Without Congress.”

Meet Russ Vought, newly minted budget czar, Project 2025 architect, and chief ideologue of the so-called Department of Government Efficiency—pronounced DOGE, because fuck reasoning and nuance. He's Elon Musk’s bureaucratic puppet and the George Soros of austerity in a MAGA baseball cap.

Here’s how the scam rolls out:

Step 1: Congress does its job and APPROPRIATES nearly $7 billion for education in March: teacher training, arts programs, migrant children, English learning—actual basics.

Step 2: In June, Vought snaps his fingers and freezes the money, claiming it would fund some “radical left‑wing agenda”—seminars on queer resistance, critical race theory, the usual freakshow.

Step 3: Ten Republican senators, for once not deep in fantasy-land, write him a letter. They say: “Maybe don’t do the illegal thing. Release the funds.”

Step 4: Vought grins and said, “Cuts are coming.” He lobbies Congress to approve $9.4 billion in rescissions—most of it doggedly targeting public broadcasting, foreign aid, and yes, education funding aligned with DOGE logic.

Step 5: Surprise! Congress, in a rare fit of sobriety, gives him the authority to rescind some funds—which Trump promptly signs.

Now, you might think the Constitution says the president must “faithfully execute the laws.” And surprise—the 1974 Impoundment Control Act says you can’t just refuse to spend money Congress allocated. But in Trump-Land, that's just a suggestion.

So Vought pushes forward, working off the premise that budget supremacy is God's will, and if you're a school district that will teach tolerance or feed hungry kids—you lose.

State education chiefs, both Republican and Democrat, scream foul. They shut down programs, hire freezes, district-wide disasters. The courts, the GAO—they flag it as likely illegal and unconstitutional.

But Vought doesn’t blink. DOGE swipes contracts, collects student data, slashes Institute of Education Sciences by nearly $900 million, automates layoffs via AI chatbot at GSA, and rewrites workforce rules so that every federal worker who breathes wrong can be ousted. All in service of a religious-state ideology cloaked in “efficiency.”

And then yesterday—the White House quietly releases $5.5 billion in education funds, crediting pressure from Republicans and Democrats alike. Because even authoritarian efficiency hits a wall when parents, students, and school boards start burning your catalog copy.

But the reversal doesn’t end the message: “Govern at your own peril. Don’t do it our way and your public institution gets an eviction notice.”

Meanwhile, FEMA is tossing $608 million at states to build migrant detention camps, not housing centers. Florida calls one “Alligator Alcatraz.” Nice. Real nice.

 Build fenced prisons in the Everglades, spend taxpayer dollars on incarceration, while freezing the budget for arts, music, and other cultured bullshit that might threaten DOGE’s new America.

Final scene: The same administration refusing to hand over Epstein files, while cozying up to Ghislaine Maxwell’s legal team—represented by Trump’s old buddy. Pardon talk floats. The house is burning receipts in a shredder while projecting innocent light show imagery on the walls.

So what do you get?

A trifecta of authoritarianism, holy budget wizardry, and distraction theater:

• Cut funds. Delay schools. Freeze science. Villainize teachers.
• Fund detention. Defund empathy.
• Blackout truth on Epstein. Hire friends. Sip some legal Kool-Aid together.

That’s not governance. That’s maneuver warfare on democracy.

And if Republican senators—some of their own damn people—start calling foul, what does that tell you?

Even in their own gospel, this shit’s heresy.

MIC-DROP MOMENT:

 If DOGE is America’s cleansing machine, Vought is its priest. But when the state wields power to punish communities but can’t even get the timing of school funds right, maybe—just maybe—we’re not witnessing efficiency.

We’re watching a slow-motion coup dressed in a budget spreadsheet—and it keeps your kids, your arts, and your humanity on hold while it tears your country apart.