Disclaimer (snarky & legal)This is satire. If you think I’m accusing the State of Louisiana of being racist — relax. I’m accusing them of being so racist that even the Fifth Circuit Court noticed. Lawyers: you’re welcome for the distinction.

So, picture this: Louisiana. One-third of the population is Black. That’s a big, obvious number. You’d think that would mean at least a third of the seats would be drawn so Black voters can elect someone they actually want.

But Louisiana looked at that math and said: Nah. Let’s slice and dice until Black voters count like Monopoly money.

Enter the lawsuit. Black residents said, “Hey, this is racial gerrymandering.” Louisiana legislators said, “No, no, you don’t understand. We’re not discriminating, we’re innovating. Section 2 of the Voting Rights Act is unconstitutional. Racism? Over! Didn’t you hear?”

And then — I love this — the case lands in the 5th Circuit Court of Appeals. The 5th Circuit! A court so conservative it makes Mitch McConnell look like a Bernie Sanders yard sign.

And even they looked at Louisiana and said: “What the hell are you doing? You can’t do this. It’s illegal. It’s racist. It’s still racist even if you say racism ended last Tuesday.”

That’s like getting kicked out of a gun show for being too pro-gun. It’s like NASCAR banning you for making too many right turns.

When the 5th Circuit tells you to sit down and read the Voting Rights Act, you know you’ve taken racism and turned it into performance art.

The judges even quoted Congress: the Act was needed because of an “insidious and pervasive evil.” Congratulations, Louisiana lawmakers. You didn’t just step in evil, you tracked it across the whole damn carpet.

Now, Louisiana has to redraw its maps to actually reflect the state’s Black population. Which is another way of saying: they tried to rig the democracy machine, got caught, and now they have to put some of the screws back in.

And here’s the kicker: while Louisiana’s getting slapped around, Texas is trying the same shit. Ohio, Florida, Missouri, Indiana, New York — they’re all sharpening their crayons, carving up districts like a butcher with a deadline.

Because at the end of the day, the game isn’t representation. The game is keep power at any cost.

So yeah, let’s take a moment to savor this: the 5th Circuit Court, of all places, actually defending Black voters.

But don’t mistake it for progress. This isn’t justice marching forward. This is justice accidentally tripping over Louisiana’s obvious bullshit and saying, “Fine, fix it.”

🔥 When even the most conservative court in the country tells you to quit being racist, maybe — just maybe — you’ve been a little too obvious about it.