⚠️ SNARKY DISCLAIMER

This is satire. Furious, foul-mouthed, and performed in the spirit of George Carlin rising from the grave to scream at us for letting it get this far. If you think this rant sounds like a conspiracy theory—good. Because history keeps proving those crazy bastards right.

You smell that?

That’s the smell of democracy’s carcass getting sliced up by the MAGA carving crew while Stephen Miller licks the bones clean.

Here’s the playbook they’re running—and it’s not subtle. It’s the one-party state starter kit, and they’re following it step by step.

STEP ONE: DUST OFF THE ALIEN ENEMIES ACT

Oldest trick in the authoritarian playbook: find an ancient law that's never been revoked and use it. Exhibit A: a 1798 relic used to lock up Japanese-Americans in WWII. Trump dusts it off, slaps “terrorist organization” on whoever the hell he wants—gangs, unions, maybe the DNC if he’s feeling spicy—and suddenly boom, you can vanish whole groups. Not just immigrants. Not just “aliens.” Oops—citizens too. Green card holders. The guy down the block with a Spanish accent.

STEP TWO: MAKE EVERY INFRACTION A DEPORTATION

Miss a paperwork filing? DUI ten years ago? Shoplifted gum in high school? Congrats—you’re on ICE’s deportation lottery ticket. They already tried it with Kilmar Abrego. They tried it with Jemmy Jimenez Rosa. Hell, they’re trial-running “worst of the worst” as a catch-all phrase that means nothing and applies to everyone. Scrub the records clean, pull up old shit, and ship people off like defective merchandise.

STEP THREE: MILITARIZE THE CAPITAL

Trump didn’t save D.C.—he occupied it. He hijacked the Metropolitan Police. Dropped the National Guard in like it’s Baghdad. Ordered Pete “Whiskey-Leaks” Hegseth to build special Guard units under Title 32—translation: paramilitary forces in red states, federally funded, governor-controlled, loophole-wrapped to avoid the Posse Comitatus Act. A standing army in waiting, dressed up as “public safety.”

And oh, guess what? They just took over Union Station too—because Hegseth got booed there. You know what regimes do? They don’t just grab armies. They grab transportation hubs. Control where people can gather. Control who comes and goes. Mussolini, Stalin, Idi Amin—they’d all tip their hats.

STEP FOUR: BRAND THE OPPOSITION CRIMINALS

Stephen Miller, human skin suit of fascism, has the new slogan: Democrats are a “domestic extremist organization.” That’s two syllables away from “terrorist.” Once that word flips, congratulations, the whole damn party is illegal. RICO the donors. ICE the voters. Jail the organizers. Handcuff the leaders. And call it law and order.

STEP FIVE: NO MORE VOTING

Don’t take my word for it—take Trump’s. He said it out loud last year: “Vote for me now and we’ll fix it so you never have to vote again.” That wasn’t a joke. That was the sales pitch. And this is how you do it. You build the machinery. You write the script. You practice the lines about “dictator, but just for a day.” You repeat it until the crowd starts nodding.

And then—poof—welcome to the Soviet States of America. Kleptocracy edition. Where Miller writes the laws, Trump signs them with his bruised hand, and the rest of us are lucky if we get assigned to the “re-education” camp with Wi-Fi.

FINAL THOUGHT?

This isn’t security. This isn’t order. This is a blueprint. Every lever of government—ICE, Guard, cops, courts—re-wired to erase the opposition. To make Democrats not just out of power, but out of the law.

And if you’re still sitting there saying, “Nah, that’s too farfetched,” then you haven’t read a fucking history book. Because every fascist regime starts the same way: define the enemy, build the army, control the streets, rig the system.

We’re not watching the slide into dictatorship. We’re watching the construction phase.

And MAGA’s cheering like Jimmy Dipshit at a rally, thinking tariffs are free money and flag-burning gets you a year in jail, while the walls are going up around him.