Disclaimer

This is satire. Calm your tits, Marco. And Pam — don’t worry, nobody’s gonna prosecute you for crimes against logic. We’re not sure stupidity counts as hate speech… yet.

So now we’ve got Marco Rubio, the Secretary of State who still smells like Trump’s shoe leather, standing up and declaring: “If you celebrated Charlie Kirk’s death and you’re here on a visa, pack your shit — you’re out.” Deportation for bad vibes.

And at the same time, Pam Bondi — the Attorney General of the United States, God help us — gets on a podcast run by Stephen Miller’s wife (because of course), and she says, “There’s free speech, and then there’s hate speech.” Like she’s narrating Sesame Street: “Today’s episode is brought to you by the letters F and U.”

Except here’s the kicker: she’s wrong. Flat-out, Constitution-level wrong. There is no hate speech exception. None. Zip. Justice fucking Alito — the guy who probably jerks off to Duck Dynasty reruns — said it himself: “The proudest boast of our free speech law is that we protect the thought we hate.” Even that asshole gets it. Pam doesn’t.

But that doesn’t stop her from puffing out her chest and saying the administration will “absolutely target you” if you cross that line she made up in her head. Free speech isn’t free anymore — it’s conditional. Conditional on you clapping for Dear Leader and crying on cue at the funeral of a guy who built a career demonizing anyone not in the MAGA choir.

See the pattern? Charlie Kirk dies, and instead of grappling with the violence, these clowns weaponize grief into censorship. They’ve built a database — literally a blacklist — of people who dared to mock him. They’re revoking visas, threatening RICO charges, and now rewriting the goddamn First Amendment like it’s a parking ticket.

And the hypocrisy is choking. Where was this energy when their people were posting “good riddance” memes about RBG? When they mocked Sandy Hook parents as “crisis actors”? When they laughed at George Floyd’s death? That was all “free speech.” But when the shoe’s on their foot? Suddenly it’s “shut up or get deported.”

Let’s be real: Rubio and Bondi aren’t protecting America. They’re protecting their power. They want you scared to speak, scared to joke, scared to breathe wrong near a MAGA shrine. Because fear keeps people quiet, and silence keeps them in charge.

And that’s the endgame: not freedom, not security — obedience. Don’t criticize. Don’t question. Don’t laugh at the wrong corpse. Or else.