Disclaimer

This is satire. Nobody’s accusing the president of being allergic to the truth—though the hives break out every time it comes near him.

So let’s start with Lisa Cook. Federal Reserve governor. Smart woman. First Black woman on the Fed board, PhD, knows what the hell she’s talking about. Which means, of course, FOTUS wants her gone. The charge? Mortgage fraud! They said she lied about a Georgia house, claimed it was a primary residence. Only problem? The paperwork says “vacation home.” That’s not fraud, that’s Tuesday. You know who did play that game? Bill Pulte’s family. His dad and stepmom claimed two primary residences, got caught, and had to pay back taxes. But somehow Lisa Cook’s the villain and Pulte’s family gets a pass. Welcome to MAGA math: Black woman bad, billionaire’s family…oopsie daisy!

And this is the point, folks. It’s not about facts. It’s about the narrative. Joe McCarthy knew it in the ’50s. The Bush boys bragged about it in the 2000s—remember that little gem? “We’re an empire now. We create our own reality.” Well congratulations, boys, your empire is built on horseshit, and the smell’s drifting all the way to my stage.

Look at Charlie Kirk. Got himself killed last week, September 11th, in Utah. Tragic? Sure. Preventable? Probably. But before the smoke even cleared, FOTUS and his minions were on Truth Social blaming “the Left.” Democrats! Antifa! Big Bird! Anyone but the guy who pulled the trigger. Except the shooter turns out to be Tyler Robinson—a young, white, right-wing nutjob who thought Kirk wasn’t hateful enough. Shot him for being a lightweight bigot. That’s like stabbing Ronald McDonald because he didn’t supersize your fries.

But do they stop? Hell no. Musk jumps in with a spreadsheet of teachers who said mean things online, Miller rants about “domestic terrorists,” and suddenly public school librarians are enemy combatants. They’re not solving murders, they’re outsourcing them to Excel. “Column A, you’re a communist. Column B, you’re unemployed.”

And while they’re at it, Elon Musk is over in Britain telling fascists: “Violence is coming. Fight back or die.” Fox News chimes in, Brian Kilmeade saying we should fix homelessness with lethal injection. That’s breakfast TV now! Eggs, bacon, genocide. “Welcome to Fox & Friends, today’s guest is Dr. Kevorkian.”

Meanwhile, FOTUS is playing emperor with no pants. Remember when he said he could end Russia’s war with a single phone call? He called Putin, Putin laughed, and now Trump’s retreating faster than Rudy Giuliani’s hair dye. “I’ll sanction Russia… just as soon as NATO sanctions China, Mars, and the goddamn Tooth Fairy.” Strongman my ass. He couldn’t strong-arm a Girl Scout into selling him Thin Mints.

And yet—this is the dangerous part—when the lies collapse, when the threats fizzle, they don’t stop. They escalate. They scream louder. They turn to violence. They build enemies lists, they call teachers terrorists, they hand out medals of freedom to racists so the cult has martyrs. Because once you’ve divorced yourself from reality, the only thing left is rage.

That’s where we are, folks. A country where facts don’t matter, truth is spelled with a capital “T” on Truth Social, and if you stand in the way, you’re branded the enemy. This isn’t politics. This is a goddamn cult. And the longer we let it write the script, the closer we get to the finale none of us want to watch.