Disclaimer:

 Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to America’s newest national pastime: Retribution Theater. Sponsored by Fear, powered by Spite, and hosted by your very own tinpot tyrant. Side effects may include unemployment, censorship, and sudden deportation.

Alright folks, gather round, because the circus is in town and the ringmaster’s wearing a red tie long enough to trip over. Here’s the show: piss off the king, and you’re toast. That’s the new Constitution. Forget checks and balances — we’ve got vendettas and revenge tweets.

Jimmy Kimmel cracks a joke, makes fun of Trump grieving like a toddler flushing a goldfish, and bang! the FCC chairman’s on Benny Johnson’s Russian-funded clown show threatening fines and license revocations. Within two days, ABC pulls Kimmel, Nexstar drops him like a hot potato. Not because of “community standards,” but because Nexstar’s got a merger pending and the FCC’s got a gun to their head.

Colbert? Same story. Dared to call a Trump settlement what it was — a bribe — and Paramount yanked his show while they were buttering up regulators for their own merger. This isn’t censorship, it’s corporate blackmail with a bow on top.

And if you think this is just about comedians, think again. Erik Siebert — U.S. Attorney, appointed in May, fired in September — because he wouldn’t conjure up fake charges against Letitia James. Maurene Comey, booted for having the wrong last name, now suing for political retaliation. Vice President JD Vance threatening to strip tax status from foundations. Bondi babbling about banning “hate speech.” State Department building lists of foreigners to blacklist because they laughed at Charlie Kirk memes.

You see the pattern? Criticize Dear Leader, lose your platform. Refuse to fake charges, lose your job. Post the wrong joke, lose your visa. And the corporations? Oh, they fold faster than a deck chair in a hurricane. Every damn time. Because they’ve got mergers to close, licenses to protect, billions on the line — and they’ll sell out free speech for a seat at the golden table.

And don’t tell me this is about standards. Standards my ass. You’ve got Brian Kilmeade fantasizing about killing the homeless with “involuntary lethal injection.” You’ve got Trump tweeting “when the looting starts, the shooting starts.” You’ve got right-wing pundits calling for vigilantes to gun down journalists. Actual, explicit calls for violence — and the FCC? Not a peep. Silent as a church mouse on morphine.

But crack a joke about the president’s coping skills? Suddenly America’s children need protection. Suddenly free speech is dangerous. Suddenly the FCC’s at your door with a bat.

And here’s where it hits home — I’m not Jimmy Kimmel. I’m not Stephen Colbert. I’m an indie author. I don’t have Disney lawyers on speed dial. If this regime decides I’m “un-American” because my books piss off the wrong people, what happens? Who’s going to fight for me? Or for you? Or for any of us who don’t have billions to burn? That’s the real danger here. It’s not just the comedians getting muzzled. It’s the message to every single one of us: shut up, keep your head down, or you’ll get the same.

That’s not a democracy. That’s not a republic. That’s a goddamn protection racket. And the only thing being protected is the fragile ego of a thin-skinned clown with a gold toilet.

So yeah — “Restoring Freedom of Speech,” my ass. What he restored is the oldest game in the book: mob boss politics. Nice job you got there. Nice show. Nice life. Shame if something happened to it.