Disclaimer:

Warning: tonight’s rant contains explicit language, explicit fury, and a healthy dose of mockery for legislators who think “porn filters” are gonna save civilization. If you’re clutching pearls, hang on tight—they’re about to get yanked.

So here we are, folks. Michigan. Not Alabama. Not Mississippi. Not Florida. Michigan. The supposed swing-state middle of America where everyone pretends they’re too practical for culture wars. And what’s their legislature doing? Trying to outlaw porn. Not regulate it, not add age verification like Texas—no, no. Ban it. All of it.

And they gave it a name straight out of Orwell’s leftovers bin: The Anticorruption of Public Morals Act. Jesus Christ. It sounds like a law Torquemada would’ve written between torture sessions.

This little bundle of repression says: no real porn, no animated porn, no audio porn, no erotica, no moaning on tape. Written stories? Gone. AI art? Gone. Audio? Gone. And here’s the kicker—they tossed in a poison pill for trans folks and drag queens. Anything where “biology doesn’t match presentation”? Banned. So if you’re trans, your very existence gets labeled “pornographic.” Bravo, assholes. Really subtle.

And the penalties? Twenty years in prison. Twenty-five if you’re especially productive. Plus sex offender registration. Because apparently reading a dirty story is now the moral equivalent of raping a kid. That’s not law, that’s sadism with a gavel.

Now, don’t miss the bigger picture: this isn’t Texas being Texas, or DeSantis whipping Florida into a Handmaid’s Tale cosplay. This is Michigan. A swing state. A blue-purple patchwork where Democrats thought they had a firewall. If the GOP can push this bile here, it means the project to erase sex, erase gender, erase LGBTQ+ people is national. They’re not stopping at the Bible Belt—they’re dragging the Midwest with them.

And spare me the “protect the children” line. Every authoritarian crusade hides behind the kids. “Think of the children” while they’re burning queer books, banning health care, stripping rights. If they cared about kids, they’d fund schools, they’d feed them, they’d stop letting them get shot in classrooms. But no—easier to go after porn and trans folks. Because that’s the real threat, right?

What this really is: the GOP wants to control what you read, what you watch, what you do in your bedroom, who you love, how you dress, and how you even exist. They don’t want diversity, they don’t want freedom, they don’t want equality. They want one America: white, straight, Christian, and terrified.

And if they can pass this kind of medieval bullshit in Michigan? Don’t think for a second your state is safe. This isn’t about morals. This is about power. Power over your body, your voice, your damn imagination.

Welcome to the Midwest, folks. Where the beer’s cold, the winters are long, and the moral police want to check your browser history before they check your roads.