Disclaimer: This isn’t diplomacy, it’s George Carlin with a hangover. If you want respect for the United Nations, go read a treaty. If you want the unvarnished roast of a clown on the world stage, grab a seat.
First, the entrance. The man of the hour, the orange emperor, riding an escalator that promptly dies under his feet. Not sabotage, not international intrigue—just a GOP staffer tripping the safety switch. But of course, in Trumpworld, an escalator stopping is a deep state plot.
Then the teleprompter. Provided by his own damn White House. But when he stumbles? It’s the UN’s fault. Can’t be him. Never him. Always the props, never the clown.
And then he opens his mouth. To the whole planet. Every flag, every nation, every translator in their booth trying not to laugh. And what does he give them? A buffet of lies.
He says he ended seven wars in seven months. Bullshit. Conflicts are still burning, peace deals still fragile, and half the wars he “ended” are still ongoing. That’s not diplomacy, that’s fantasy fanfic.
He says renewables don’t work, too expensive. Wrong. Solar and wind are breaking records, outcompeting fossil fuels on cost. He says China only builds windmills and has no wind farms. False. China’s grid is practically carpeted in turbines and panels. They lead the world in installation and use.
He says America’s electricity and gas prices are way down on his watch. Bullshit. Prices are up. He blames green energy for “destroying Europe.” Bullshit. Europe’s energy is stabilizing, renewables are surging, and the migration panic is his favorite chew toy, not reality.
He calls climate change the greatest con job. Flat-out lie. The science is clear, the data undeniable, and the only con job here is a spray-tanned game show host calling himself president.
He says the UN is paying migrants to flood the U.S. Another lie. No such program, no secret checks, no cash bonuses at the border.
He says 5,000–7,000 Russian and Ukrainian soldiers are dying every week. Wildly exaggerated. Numbers don’t support it, not even close. But why let facts stop a scare story?
He says he unleashed massive U.S. energy production. Misleading. Trends don’t show the miraculous surge he brags about. He’s taking credit for market cycles like he drilled the oil himself.
And here’s the kicker: he did this not in a rally barn full of red hats, not on Fox News with the chyron doing half the work, but at the United Nations. The one room on Earth where every other country is watching, fact-checking in real time, rolling their eyes so hard the whole building shook.
This wasn’t America first. This was America humiliated, live on the global stage, by a man who can’t tell the truth, can’t ride an escalator, and can’t read his own teleprompter.