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There was a time—not long ago—when Robert Heinlein’s “Crazy Years” were a curious bit of speculative fiction. A warning. A satirical stretch of chaos meant to bridge the rational, grounded past of humanity with its stellar future. You’d flip through the Future History chart and chuckle nervously at the absurdity—sexual anarchy, fractured politics, mass delusions, reality outpaced by spectacle. A cautionary bridge between world wars and lunar colonies.

But now?

Now it feels like we’ve taken a...

SATIRE DISCLAIMER (Now With 2,262 Posts and Counting!):

This is a fictional stage rant delivered in the unmistakable voice of George Carlin, written as political satire. If you're the type who believes that a flurry of late-night social media posts constitutes effective governance, you might want to reconsider your news sources.

[Spotlight on. George stalks the stage, mic in hand, middle finger practically twitching.]

Hey, I got a question.

When the fuck did the Commander-in-Chief turn into a...

SATIRE DISCLAIMER (Padilla Edition—Now With Shackles and Shock Troops)

This is a fictional rant in the voice of George Carlin—no filter, no tribute act. If you think pushing a U.S. Senator to the floor and cuffing him mid-press briefing is “keeping order,” you might want to show up at the next parade with a participation ribbon and see how that works out.

So let me get this straight.

Senator Alex Padilla—ranking member of the Judiciary Immigration Subcommittee—shows up to ask one question: “...

SATIRE DISCLAIMER (Now with 100% More Deportation Threats!):

This is a fictional stage rant delivered in the unmistakable voice of George Carlin, written as political satire. If you're the type who thinks the First Amendment is optional and that dissent equals deportation, you might want to skip this one and go recite the Pledge of Allegiance in a mirror until you feel better.

[Spotlight. George strides up, eyes blazing, voice sharp as ever.]

So, let me get this straight—

Zohran Mamdani, a...

SATIRE DISCLAIMER (Now With ICE, Camo, and a God Complex)

This is a fictional rant in the voice of George Carlin—political satire sharpened to a point. If you think deploying Marines against protestors is “efficiency” and Dr. Phil is a field correspondent, maybe take a seat before you choke on your bootlicking.

“Okay, kiddo. Sit your ass down and listen—because apparently you skipped every civics class between birth and your last Fox News binge.”

So here’s the story you’re being told:

“It’s not...

SATIRE DISCLAIMER (NOW 25% SMALLER THANKS TO BUDGET CUTS):

This is a fictional stage rant in the unmistakable voice of George Carlin, written as political satire. If you're the kind of person who thinks “access to education” is some kind of communist plot, maybe close this tab and go read your bank statement out loud until the numbers stop hurting your feelings.

[George stomps onstage, already pissed.]
TRIO and GEAR UP.
Programs designed to help kids get to college. You know—first-gen...

SATIRE DISCLAIMER (Now With Extra Riot Gear):

This is a fictional rant in the voice of George Carlin. If you think deploying Marines on Main Street is “community policing,” maybe stop snorting the Constitution like it’s powdered patriotism.

So let me get this straight.

Los Angeles says, “No thanks, we’re good,” and the federal government responds by sending in the fucking Marines?

Not for a hurricane.

Not for a wildfire.

Not for a goddamn mass shooting.

No—this time it’s immigration raids.

ICE...

SATIRE DISCLAIMER (Trickled Down and Watered Out):

This is a fictional stage rant delivered in the unmistakable voice of George Carlin, written as political satire. If you're part of the 0.1% who thinks tax cuts are a form of charity and believe “deficit” is just a liberal buzzword, you might wanna go count your offshore accounts instead. No billionaires were harmed in the making of this rant—because they all got tax breaks.

[Spotlight. George strides up, eyes blazing, voice sharp as ever.]

...

SATIRE DISCLAIMER (Now with Extra Loyalty Tests):

This is a fictional rant in the unmistakable voice of George Carlin, written as political satire and delivered with full stage-rant fury. If you think civil service should come with a loyalty oath, this one's for you.

[Spotlight hits. George steps up, arms wide, eyebrows up like he’s seen some shit.]

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and whatever’s left of the independent civil service—

Welcome to the Trump Administration’s new hiring...

SATIRE DISCLAIMER (Now with Extra Accountability):

This is a fictional rant in the unmistakable voice of George Carlin, written as political satire. If you think taking responsibility is overrated, this one's for you.

George on stage, spotlight hot, eyes blazing with that familiar mix of fury and amusement:

So, here's a twist in the never-ending saga of the January 6th circus. Pamela Hemphill, a 71-year-old former Trump supporter from Idaho—nicknamed "MAGA Granny"—decided to do something...

George on Stage, Mic in Hand, Full Throttle:

So the FOTUS is being sued.

Not by the Justice Department.

Not by a whistleblower.

By Elmo.

ELMO, motherfuckers.

Red. Furry. Adorable. Elmo.

We have officially hit the bottom of the satirical barrel, and they’re still drilling.

You know things are bad when a literal puppet goes, “Yeah, this shit’s unconstitutional, I’m calling my lawyer.”

And why is Elmo suing?

Because President Donnie Tantrum is out here swinging at PBS like it’s part of Antifa.

He’s...

SATIRE DISCLAIMER (Justice Department Edition, Now With Bonus Bigotry):

This is a fictional rant in the unmistakable voice of George Carlin, written as political satire. If you think cutting crime prevention means more funding for Punisher bumper stickers, buckle up.

So let me get this straight.

The same party that swears they’re “tough on crime” just yanked the plug on 373 federal crime-fighting grants—and not for the fun kind of crime, like insider trading or gold toilet tax fraud.

No, they...

SATIRE DISCLAIMER (Now with Extra Voter Suppression):

This is a fictional rant in the unmistakable voice of George Carlin, written as political satire. If you're allergic to the Constitution, allergic to voters, or just a power-mad orangutan with a Sharpie, buckle the fuck up.

George Says: “YOU DON’T PROTECT DEMOCRACY BY HOLDING IT HOSTAGE.”

So now we’ve got the FOTUS pulling another page out of the Dictator Coloring Book, this time with an executive order aimed at vote-by-mail, because...

SATIRE DISCLAIMER (Now with 100% More Irony and 0% International Students):

This is a fictional stage rant delivered in the unmistakable voice of George Carlin, written as political satire. If you're the type who believes that banning international students from Harvard is a patriotic act, you might want to reconsider your understanding of freedom and education.

So let me get this straight. We’ve gone from banning books to banning students?

First it was TRIO. Then it was GEAR UP. Then it was...

SATIRE DISCLAIMER (Billionaire Edition, Now with Government Clearance):

This is a fictional rant in the unmistakable voice of George Carlin, written as political satire. If you think ketamine is a leadership strategy and mushrooms are a fiscal policy tool, take a seat, Elon.

So let me get this straight.

We handed over a chunk of the federal government to Elon Fucking Musk—a man whose to-do list includes blowing up Twitter, buying his way into space, and now blitzing democracy while high as a...

SATIRE DISCLAIMER (Now with 90% Less Education and 100% More White Guilt Denial!):

This is a fictional stage rant in the unmistakable voice of George Carlin, written as political satire. If you're one of those people who hears “tribal college” and thinks “waste of taxpayer money,” I suggest you go take a remedial history class—and maybe learn how to read a treaty while you're at it.

[Stage lights up. George is already pissed, already pacing.]
So NOW they’ve decided we don’t need tribal...

SATIRE DISCLAIMER (Straight from the Quarterdeck of Rage):

This is a fictional rant in the unmistakable voice of George Carlin, written as political satire. If you're the kind of person who confuses equality with weakness and thinks Pride Month is an attack on your masculinity, you might want to sit this one out and go iron your flag.

Spotlight hits. George walks on stage, tired of this bullshit but grinning like he knows what’s coming.

So now we’ve got the Secretary of War-by-Facebook, Pete...

SATIRE DISCLAIMER:

This is a fictional stage-style rant written in the voice of the late comedian George Carlin, intended for satirical and political commentary. It does not reflect the actual views or words of George Carlin, and is not affiliated with his estate or likeness. The views expressed are fictional, exaggerated for comedic and rhetorical effect, and not meant as literal claims.

[George on stage. One eyebrow cocked. Arms crossed. Leaning into the mic like it owes him money.]

So...

SATIRE DISCLAIMER (NOW WITH AGE RESTRICTIONS):

This is a fictional rant in the unmistakable voice of George Carlin, written as political satire. If you’re a Supreme Court justice who thinks robes make you immortal—or a 91-year-old senator who just drooled on your voting record—this one’s for you.

George Says: “THE TERM ACT? ABOUT FUCKING TIME.”

That’s right. Somebody finally took a look at the Supreme Court and said, “Hey, maybe it’s a bad idea to give people a lifetime of unchecked power...

[Cue spotlight. The mic’s hot. George storms the stage, furious and unfiltered.]

So let me get this straight—

Jonathan Joss is dead.

Shot.

Murdered.

Point blank.

And the San Antonio Police Department, in their infinite wisdom, would like us all to just slow down, take a deep breath, and not jump to conclusions.

Because apparently—and stay with me here—arson, death threats, and being two queer Indigenous men in Texas isn’t enough to consider something a hate crime.

Nope. We need more! Maybe the...