⚠️ SATIRE DISCLAIMER (Mass Shooting Edition—Now With More Cowardice Per Capita)

 This is a fictional rant in the voice of George Carlin. If you think the real threat is “hateful rhetoric from the left” while a shooter wearing body armor hunts people with an AR-15 in suburban Minnesota, maybe go back to sleep—you’re not using your brain anyway.

So let me get this straight.

Saturday morning in Minnesota, a man named Vance Boelter—tactical gear, fake cop uniform, AR-15 in hand—breaks into two homes. He kills former Speaker Melissa Hortman and her husband, and shoots Senator John Hoffman and his wife. SEVENTY others were on his target list—abortion providers, Democratic lawmakers, people with webpages titled “No More Kings.” This was a planned politically motivated assassination, a swarm of bullets dressed as domestic terrorism.

A massive manhunt—largest in Minnesota history—ends when he walks out of the forest, rifle in hand, manifestos and hit lists in his trunk.

And what do we get from the right wing media echo chamber?

They instantly twisted it:

“He was violent pro-leftist! He was a Marxist assassin!”

Oh sure—because body armor, fake badge, anti-abortion manifesto, conservative activist history, Trump supporter scream Marxist. They’re basically cherry-picking truth like it’s salad.

Dislocated reality is their new normal. Fantasy masquerading as strategy.

Then we get Senator Mike “Never Miss a Punchline” Lee tweeting,

“This is what happens… when Marxists don’t get their way.” He called it “Nightmare on Waltz Street,” mocking a mass shooting—on Father’s Day weekend, mind you—for poetic branding.
 
Let’s unpack that:

• A tragic assassination of lawmakers?
• A suspect who’s anti-abortion, pro-Trump, disguised as a cop, and carrying a manifesto?
• And instead of condemning the violence, Lee says:
• “It’s the left’s fault.”

That’s not defense. It’s a fucking kick in the teeth.

🎤 Here’s the body of the truth, laid out Carlin-style:

 “Let me get this straight.

 He walks in shooting—kills a speaker of the house, tries again on a senator—and you want to blame the democracy? That’s not rhetoric. That’s psychological ordinance. When Lee says, ‘Blame Marxists,’ what he’s doing is weaponizing tragedy to preserve his narrative.

“Let me tell you what’s normalized here: Bullets don’t self-print. Hate doesn’t hallucinate facts. These dudes look at dead bodies and see ammunition for their spin machine, and they push and tweet like a carnival barker selling snake oil.”

“And then they whine about ‘political violence.’ Yeah—but only when it suits them. When the violence doesn’t follow your dog whistles? That’s Europe or Hollywood. When it’s your guy? Playbooks retracted—it must be a Marxist plot. Stop calling it out, or else you’re against the flag.”

🧠 The real danger here is normalization:

 Spinning violence as “political diversity.”

• Obfuscating motive with partisan labels.
• Deflecting accountability by blaming the victims’ ideology.

That’s not strategy. That’s social sabotage.

🏁 End scene.

 So ask yourself:

• Who’s being blamed?
• Who’s being protected by narrative?
• And who forgot what evidence even means?

When you see government officials turning murder into marketing, you’re not looking at democracy.

 You’re watching its nightmare reflection—and that only ends when people stop buying it.