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SNARKY DISCLAIMER:

Warning: The following rant may contain facts, logic, and moral outrage. Side effects include clenched fists, muttered curses, and a burning desire to register voters. Ask your doctor if screaming into the void is right for you.

So let me get this straight.

The Job Corps—a federally funded, wildly successful, not-at-all-controversial program that helps young, low-income Americans learn actual skills like carpentry, health care, and IT—was doing its job, minding its...

SNARKY DISCLAIMER:

This satirical rant is brought to you by the George Carlin School of Civic Education, where we teach that the real American Dream is staying awake long enough to see the bastards get bench-slapped.

So here's a fun one for your Fourth of July week, kids:

While the Supreme Court is busy taping a "DO NOT DISTURB" sign on the Constitution, real judges—the ones who still think law means something—are stepping up like it’s the ninth inning and democracy’s got two outs.

Let’s talk...

WARNING: THIS RANT MAY CONTAIN ACTUAL SCIENCE. ALSO, OFFENSE.

Side effects include rational thinking, contagious sarcasm, and an urge to scream into the nearest vaccine vial. Consult your doctor if reality lasts longer than four hours.

SNARK ALERT: The Surgeon General has determined that exposure to raw truth, uncut sarcasm, and live political logic may result in spontaneous brain activity. Proceed with caution.

You know what pisses me off?

We used to have plagues because we didn’t have ...

DISCLAIMER: The following rant contains extreme sarcasm, brutal honesty, and an unhealthy respect for logic. Side effects may include snorting, fist-pumping, and a sudden urge to yell at your elected officials. If you’re offended, you might be part of the problem.

You know what, folks? I’m gonna start off on a rare note of agreement.

You run a child porn ring?

You lie to get into this country and cover it up with kiddie smut on your hard drive?

Then yeah—revoke your damn citizenship. Put your...

SATIRE DISCLAIMER (NOW WITH 100% TRACKED STEPS AND 0% CONSENT)

This is political satire in the screaming, snarling spirit of George Carlin. If you’re easily offended by jokes about biometric surveillance, corporate fascism, or your government selling your data for lunch money… this probably isn’t your safe space.

So RFK Jr. wakes up one day, looks at a nation filled with chronic disease, and instead of saying, “Let’s fix the food, the water, the housing, the...

WARNING: THIS RANT CONTAINS DANGEROUS LEVELS OF TRUTH. SIDE EFFECTS MAY INCLUDE CRITICAL THINKING, EXISTENTIAL DREAD, AND A STRONG URGE TO QUESTION AUTHORITY. CONSULT YOUR CONSCIENCE BEFORE PROCEEDING.

Let’s take a little drive, shall we?

You’re on your way home. Seatbelt on. Blinkers working. Maybe you did coast a little on that stop sign—but nothing crazy. Nothing worthy of anything more than a raised eyebrow and a “hey, be careful.”

But this time, the cop’s not just running your plate for...

Hi there, darlings—it’s your girl Kendra, and I’m back with another one of those interviews that makes you want to grab a glass of wine, curl up in a cozy chair, and start plotting a murder. On the page, of course. Probably.

This time, I’m chatting with Jenna Maeson—yes, that Jenna Maeson, the wickedly clever mind behind the Jenna Maeson Mysteries, which are exactly what you’d expect from someone who drinks coffee like it’s a sacred rite and writes books in the slivers of time she steals...

SATIRE DISCLAIMER (NOW WITH EXTRA BALLOT BALLS)

This is a fictional rant channeling George Carlin—blunt, bold, and wired to democracy. If you think "clear results" equals "trust?" Sit down, nerd.

So let me get this straight.

We’ve got a county in New York where people swear they voted.

They filled in the bubbles for Senate AND President—but the machines counted none for President in some districts.

No votes for Kamala, none for Biden—but scroll up? Thousands...

SATIRE DISCLAIMER (NOW WITH EXTRA ‘HELL NO’!)

This is satire in the voice of George Carlin—part stand-up, part scorched-earth civics lesson. If you think shoving sacred texts into science class is patriotism, we’ve got a lovely wall between church and state we’d like to introduce you to.

Let’s get this straight.

Louisiana tried to slap the Ten Commandments on the wall of every classroom like it’s part of the goddamn core curriculum.

Because clearly, the thing missing from modern education isn’t...

SATIRE DISCLAIMER (NOW WITH EXTRA TIRED SPINES)

This is stand-up satire, not gardening advice. If you think leveling legacy and turning public spaces into private bragging rights is leadership, good luck with your evening tea party on asphalt.

So here’s what happened—

They ripped out Jackie Kennedy’s historic Rose Garden lawn, bulldozed it, and turned it into a flashy, flat concrete patio.

Why? Because high heels and wet grass apparently offend Trump more than rubbing out history does. And don’...

SATIRE DISCLAIMER—NOW WITH EXTRA JUDICIAL TEETH

This is stand-up satire in George Carlin’s snarling voice—truth bombs, profanity, and post‑9/11 New York attitude. If you can’t handle that, maybe don’t keep reading.

So MAGA sees Zohran Mamdani win because New Yorkers said “fuck your establishment bros.”

They lost their goddamn minds, calling it a “9/11 threat,” brandishing Mamdani’s Muslim identity like he’s about to light the skyline on fire.

Loomer, Kirk, Stefanik, Cruz—they’re preaching fear...

SATIRE DISCLAIMER (Now With 100% More Deportation Whiplash)

This is a fictional rant in the unmistakable voice of George Carlin. If you think pulling over 19-year-old scholarship students and handing them to ICE is “law and order,” you might be suffering from a severe case of authoritarian bootlicking. Consult your conscience. Side effects may include rage, empathy, and the sudden urge to vote like people’s lives depend on it. Because they do.

So let me get this straight.

FOTUS goes on...

Satirical Disclaimer:

The following message is brought to you by Common Fucking Sense—now available in limited supply, thanks to Congress being allergic to it.

THE IMPEACHMENT THAT WASN’T

So let me get this straight.

The guy bombs a country for ratings.

Brags about it like a middle-schooler who just “pwnd” a rival in Fortnite.

Then announces a ceasefire that doesn’t exist, gets mad when reality doesn’t follow his script, and… what’s Congress do?

They hit pause.

Oh sure, they didn't say they were...

Satire Advisory: The following contains high levels of sarcasm, righteous profanity, and anti-authoritarian sentiment. If you're allergic to truth bombs, judicial accountability, or common sense, consult your lobbyist before proceeding.

So let me get this straight.

You kick the guy out of the country illegally. You ignore federal judges like they're spam calls. You break the law so badly you had to charter a plane to fly the man back—and now you’ve got the shriveling nerve to claim that ...

SATIRE DISCLAIMER (Now With 5,000 mAh of Bullshit Storage)

This is a fictional rant in the unmistakable voice of George Carlin. If you find yourself defending a gold-plated knockoff phone with a fascist family plan, you may be entitled to a free lobotomy. Batteries not included. Ethics sold separately.

So let me get this straight.

You woke up this morning, wiped the crust out of your eyes, and said, “You know what I need? A phone built by the Trump family.”

A Trump phone.

You want the same...

SATIRE DISCLAIMER (NOW WITH EXTRA TELEVISION THERAPY!)

This is a fictional rant in the snarling voice of George Carlin. If you think nuclear strikes should be directed by cable news ratings, this might get uncomfortable. Side effects may include disbelief, horror, and smelling the ashes of global credibility.

So let me get this straight.

Trump sits on the couch, remote in one hand, comfort drink in the other, watching Fox News go full-on war porn because Israel bombed some Iranian nuclear...

SATIRE DISCLAIMER (VA Edition—Now With Extra Bullshit & Betrayal)

This is a fictional rant in the unmistakable voice of George Carlin. If you think denying veterans care because they're Democrats or single is righteous—meet your moral bankruptcy. And maybe grab a tissue for your spine.

So let me get this straight.

You fought the wars. You lost friends. You came home broken—and now you're supposed to hand over your political allegiance or prove you're hitched before you get a doctor?

Because...

Hi there, folks—it’s Kendra Cassidy, retired admiral, professional smartass, and full-time devourer of anything with magic, sass, or starships. And today? I get to introduce you to someone who checks all those boxes, with a few glittering surprises thrown in.

Let me tell you about Stefanie Santone—a woman who took a detour through hell and came out the other side with a pen in one hand, coffee in the other, and a cast of fierce goddesses in her wake. Raised on fantasy and whimsy (and some...

SATIRE DISCLAIMER (Parade Edition—Now With More Ego than Execution)

This is a fictional rant in the voice of George Carlin. If you think rolling tanks through D.C. while millions march against you is a display of strength—not desperation—you might want to enroll in a course on optics.

So let me get this straight.

On Saturday, the Trump parade rolled out—tanks, missiles, jets—all arranged to look impressive until you realize nobody remembered a single step. Soldiers wobbled like they’d downed...

SATIRE DISCLAIMER (Grift Edition—Now With Added Bullshit Spikes)

This is a fictional rant in the unmistakable voice of George Carlin. If you think selling access, influence, and access‑adjacent perks to billionaires and meme‑coin bros is “leadership,” you’re already half‑baked in this circus.

Stage Lights Up—George Stepping Onstage…

So let me get this straight.

First we get the meme‑coin dinner—top 200 holders bought seats for $148 million, clubbed at a Trump golf course. They popped in, ate...