LEGAL DISCLAIMER:

 The following is a satirical performance piece. If you’re offended, congratulations—you still have a functioning moral compass. If you’re not? Buckle up, cupcake, because this freight train of fury ain’t stopping for pearl clutchers, originalist apologists, or constitutional cosplay fetishists. The language is raw, the rage is real, and the facts are as sharp as a judge who actually read the fucking Constitution. Proceed if you dare.

So let me get this straight—again. Again. These black-robed aristocrats on the Supreme Bench of Bullshit said, “Whoa there, little judges, you can’t issue nationwide injunctions anymore. You’ve gotta play nice and certify a class action first!”

FINE. You wanna play Calvinball with the Constitution? Let’s fucking go.

Because guess what? One judge—a real judge, a thinking, breathing human with a brain that hasn’t been pickled in fascist formaldehyde—looked at the new rulebook, flipped the pages, and said, “Cool. I’ll use your shitty new system to do the right fucking thing anyway.”

BOOM. National class action certified. Birthright citizenship protected. Go cry into your shredded paper Constitution, you authoritarian pricks.

This man didn’t blink. Didn’t hesitate. Didn’t say, “Well golly gee, I’d love to protect babies from being rendered stateless by a power-drunk demagogue, but those six unhinged jurists in DC changed the rules.”

No.

 He said, “That’s irreparable harm. Citizenship alone. Greatest privilege that exists in the world.”

 That’s not just law, folks. That’s fucking truth.

You know what this means? It means your little plan to erase the 14th Amendment with a goddamn executive order just got kicked in the teeth. By your own rules. By a Bush appointee, no less. You handed him the chessboard, and he checkmated your ass in two moves.

And the reason this matters—no, the reason this burns your bullshit to the ground—is because this wasn’t some feel-good symbolic ruling. This was a goddamn firewall. A judicial flare gun in a darkening sky. While the clowns in robes are up there dry-humping authoritarianism under the banner of “textualism,” one judge lit the torch and said:

“NOT ON MY WATCH.”

So yeah. Fuck your executive orders. Fuck your shredded amendments. Fuck your wet dreams of stateless newborns and your Constitutional lobotomies. You got played. By the rules you tried to rig. And you lost. Because the truth doesn’t vanish just because you stuck your fingers in your ears and screamed “HERITAGE NOT RIGHTS!”

 The 14th Amendment still stands. And today, so does justice.

[Spotlight dims. Exit George, middle finger raised high.]