🧨 Welcome to the One Big Screwed-Over Bill

(a.k.a. the One Big Beautiful Bill Act, if you’re a rich sociopath with tax-exempt yachts and a permanent tan line from your offshore accounts)

 ⚠️ SATIRE WARNING ⚠️

 The following message contains brutal honesty, industrial-strength sarcasm, and enough political bile to make your local senator weep into their lobbyist-funded bourbon.

 This is your last stop before the Truth Train rolls over your 401(k), your public library, and your kid’s school lunch.

🎤 George Carlin, rising from the grave and still not done yelling:

You know what they say:

If it’s big, beautiful, and bipartisan in Washington?

That means the billionaires are bending you over again—this time with a goddamn flag wrapped around the handle.

The One Big Beautiful Bill Act—or as I like to call it, “The One Big Brutal Bludgeoning of America Act”—just passed Congress. Barely.

 Because even some of the usual ghouls had to pause and ask, “Wait… are we really gonna nuke Medicaid again before an election year?”

Answer: Yes. Yes they are.

Because it turns out, if you dangle enough pork in front of a hungry Congressperson, they’ll sell out their grandma and yours with a smile.

Let’s talk about the fun parts, shall we?

🐖 FIRST: THE PORK PARADE

You want fiscal responsibility?

Try $85 million to “relocate” a retired space shuttle from the Smithsonian to a “Freedom Museum” in Tulsa.

One problem: The shuttle can’t be moved. There’s no plane that can carry it anymore. The real cost to try? $200–300 million.

 So we’re paying $85 million to steal a priceless piece of history and dump it in a field in Oklahoma like it’s a Walmart tent sale.

💰 TAX CUTS: RICH FIRST, RICH LAST, RICH FOREVER

 This thing is a $4.5 trillion sugar rush for the wealthy.

• The top 1% get $83,000/year back by 2033.
• Working folks? Try $600—maybe. If you don’t breathe wrong.

And what about tips? Remember the big “Trump won’t tax your tips!” nonsense?

That part’s in there… but it’s temporary.

 Like a coupon for free fries with your eviction notice.

Goes into effect August 1, 2025. Expires December 31, 2027.

Only applies to certain industries, and you still have to track and report your tips—because Uncle Sam loves paperwork when you’re poor.

💊 MEDICAID? SNAP? SLASHED.

The bill guts $1 trillion from social programs.

• 17 million will lose Medicaid.
• SNAP work requirements go up.
• Funding for public health? Sliced like a deli ham in a hedge fund kitchen.

Got a chronic condition? Too bad.

Your insulin just became a luxury item.

Better crowdfund that inhaler, Timmy. Congress needs room in the budget for another border wall that gets breached by ladders.

🌎 CLIMATE? ENERGY? YOU WANTED A FUTURE? HA.

The clean-energy credits from the Inflation Reduction Act?

Cancelled.

Why? Because oil lobbyists have better holiday parties.

Enjoy watching your electric bill go up while Exxon reports record profits and Fox News blames windmills for your car exploding.

📅 THE PAIN TIMELINE: MARK YOUR CALENDARS

• August 2025: Tax cut fun begins (for the rich); tip taxes temporarily waived
• January 2026: Medicaid rollbacks start; SNAP restrictions expand
• July 2026: Clean energy tax credits expire
• 2027: Tip tax waiver vanishes; full debt bomb goes off
• 2033: Top 1% reach max benefit; working families get gaslighted again

😡 SO WHAT’S LEFT FOR THE REST OF US?

 Oh sure—there’s a few trinkets.

• Some child tax credit bumps.
• A one-time small business credit (if you’ve got a CPA, a lawyer, and a miracle).
• An “overtime protection clause” that helps about 11 people, assuming they live in a district that still has power.

It’s the legislative equivalent of giving you a Band-Aid after cutting off your leg—with a note that says “You’re welcome.”

👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 MEET JOE AVERAGE, 2028 EDITION

 Joe makes $75K. His wife stays home with their two kids.

 Used to get help with healthcare, groceries, and tax credits.

 Now?

• His insurance premiums have doubled.
• Grocery prices are up, SNAP’s out, and the school lunch program was “privatized” into dust.
• No tax credit for childcare—but Boeing got another subsidy.
• The shuttle museum in Tulsa? Didn’t open. Money vanished.
• Joe pays more taxes than Amazon, and his overtime is taxed again.

But hey. At least he got to keep $11.37 from that tip he made in 2026.

Thanks, Congress.

🎯 FINAL THOUGHT

The One Big Beautiful Bill isn’t legislation—it’s a manifesto written in reverse Robin Hood ink.

Steal from the working class.

Feed the billionaires.

And throw the rest of us a goddamn sticker that says “America First.”