SATIRICAL DISCLAIMER: The following transmission comes to you direct from the dusty annals of political theater, where bullshit is the official language and hypocrisy wears a red, white, and blue tie. This rant may contain trace elements of sarcasm, irony, exasperation, and concentrated democracy. Consult your conscience before proceeding.

🎙️ “Ladies and gentlemen of the jury of the damned — welcome back to ‘What the Actual Fuck: America’s Greatest Shitshow.’ Tonight’s feature? The former host of The Apprentice finally confirms he’s also auditioning for The Godfather.”

Let’s start with the easy one — President Deals-With-Dictators took the stage and, in his best impression of a warlord turned cruise director, casually told the world he gave Iran the OK to bomb a U.S. base.

Yeah. Not warned. Not responded to. Not defended against.

“They said, ‘We’re going to shoot 'em. Is one o’clock OK?’ I said, ‘It’s fine.’”

Oh good. Glad the president and a sworn enemy of the United States are coordinating missile launch times like a couple planning a brunch date.

You can’t make this shit up. Trump, the Commander-in-Chief of Clusterfucks, gave Iran a big thumbs-up to launch more than a dozen missiles at Al Udeid Air Base in Qatar. Patriots scrambled, air defenders performed miracles, and thank god no one died.

But here's the real question: How the hell is “I let them shoot at us” not treason? If any president in history had openly admitted to scheduling a missile attack on their own troops, they'd be impeached, convicted, and forced to do karaoke in The Hague.

But Donnie? He gets a standing ovation at Mar-a-Lago and a fresh pair of gold-plated Depends.

And speaking of swampy diaper fires—let’s talk Eric “Get Out of Jail Free” Adams.

Here’s how it went down:

1. Corrupt mayor gets indicted.
2. Mayor gets nervous. Starts schmoozing Team Trump.
3. Trump’s DOJ drops the charges faster than a hot mic.
4. Ten prosecutors quit in protest.
5. Trump goes on stage and says, “Yeah, I helped him out a little bit.”

A little bit? That’s like a mafia don saying, “Sure, I made the guy an offer he couldn’t refuse… but I didn’t twist his arm. I just let him know his kneecaps were optional.”

Let’s be clear: this wasn’t a pardon. This wasn’t clemency. This wasn’t mercy.

This was a quid pro quo. A straight-up political handjob in broad daylight.

You cooperate with Trump on immigration policy, and suddenly your corruption case disappears. It’s like Jesus turned water into wine, only this time he turned felony charges into campaign donations.

And guess who helped rubber-stamp that judicial magic trick? Emil Bove, Trump’s former defense attorney, now pulling strings at DOJ like he’s running a puppet show called Justice Is Optional: The Musical.

This is banana republic shit, folks. Except we don’t even have the bananas. Just the republic, rotting on the vine.

This ain’t just a scandal. It’s the motherlode of authoritarian wet dreams. A president who lets foreign adversaries bomb U.S. troops and brags about rigging prosecutions in exchange for loyalty?

And the kicker?

Nothing happens.

No impeachment hearings. No press firestorm. No Senate subpoenas. Just the slow, sticky silence of complicity. Like everyone’s too polite to say the Emperor is pantsless and pissing on the Constitution.