🚨 Satirical advisory for the humor-impaired:

 The following stage performance is brought to you by the Galactic Federation of "You’ve Gotta Be Fucking Kidding Me." Any resemblance to actual government policy is entirely intentional and extremely unfortunate. Void where science is funded. Batteries for common sense not included. Please scream into the void responsibly.

So let me get this straight.

NASA—the place where actual rocket scientists used to work—has lost two thousand of its top minds. Engineers. Astrophysicists. Propulsion experts. Gone. Packed their bags and launched themselves right out the fucking door. Why?

Because the new head of NASA is Sean Duffy.

Sean “Hey I was on Real World: Boston” Duffy.

Sean “I don’t know the difference between an ion thruster and a curling iron” Duffy.

 The man’s closest encounter with outer space was probably trying to use GPS in a parking garage!

And why did FOTUS do this?

 Because he got mad. He got butthurt.

 Musk didn’t kiss the ring, and the guy Trump was gonna appoint—Jared Isaacman, you know, an actual space CEO who’s been to space—well, he got quietly airlocked from the nomination list. Right around the time Musk started mouthing off about tariffs and tech policy.

So now we’ve got a tantrum toddler with nuclear tariffs running the Oval Office, and he decides the best way to handle a billion-dollar space agency is to play Mean Girls with Mars.

“Oh, Elon’s being mean to me on X? Guess what? No more Mars budget, and I’m giving NASA to some guy who thinks ‘lunar orbit insertion’ is a sex thing.”

This isn’t leadership. This is petty dictatorship cosplay with taxpayer funding. This is Trump using America’s space agency like it’s a fucking Yelp review.

You want real science? Too bad!

 You want climate satellites? Here’s Sean Duffy with a fucking weather balloon and a MAGA koozie!

This country used to aim for the stars. Now it’s being run by a guy who’d misspell “Uranus” on a campaign sign and blame spellcheck.

And hey—don’t worry, folks. Duffy says he’s “excited” to take NASA in a “new direction.”

Spoiler alert: That direction is straight into the fucking Sun.