Snarky Disclaimer:

 This rant is brought to you by the number 111 and the letter F, as in Flooded, FEMA-forsaken, and Fucked. May contain offensive language, hard truths, and old men shouting at government clouds. If you’re allergic to accountability or facts, turn back now and consult your local Fox affiliate.

You know, every once in a while, something happens that is so grotesquely, stupidly tragic, it peels the fucking paint off the facade. Texas just got hammered by a flood so deadly it turned neighborhoods into morgues and driveways into crime scenes—and what does Greg "Grid Collapse" Abbott have to say about it?

He calls accountability the “word choice of losers.”

 Let that marinate in your waterlogged basement for a second. Over a hundred dead, 160 still missing, entire communities gone, and he’s out here playing Coach Fucking Taylor with disaster response. “Don’t worry about it, ma’am, we’ve got this?”

 Got what? The high score on Mass Casualty Simulator 2025?

Greg Abbott, the man whose leadership record reads like a FEMA blooper reel, wants you to know that figuring out who’s to blame for people drowning in their own goddamn homes is apparently some JV-level weak sauce. See, Greg thinks government is a football team. Problem is, he's coaching a team that cut the budget for helmets, fired the trainers, canceled practices, and then blamed the fans for not clapping hard enough when the quarterback’s lungs filled with water.

Let’s rewind the tape, shall we?

Back in 1987, Kerr County—yes, that Kerr County—tried to get a federal grant for a flood warning system. They were told no. They thought about funding it locally, but decided “nah, better not raise taxes.”

 Because nothing says fiscal responsibility like betting the lives of your citizens against the odds of biblical rainfall and losing.

 That’s not just negligence. That’s manslaughter with a budget spreadsheet.

And it didn’t stop there. No, the MAGA Cult of Cost-Cutting took a machete to NOAA, the National Weather Service, and anything else that might interfere with their sacred duty to make sure billionaires don’t pay a dime more than they want to.

They slashed funding for satellites. For radar. For fucking forecast modeling.

 Because who needs to know where a storm is going when you’ve got faith, a pickup truck, and a governor with the emotional depth of a foam finger?

But wait, the flood wasn’t just a freak event. This wasn’t some act of God. This was a goddamn act of government—of greed, cowardice, and willful ignorance. The weather couldn’t be predicted because they killed the tools that predict it. The alarms didn’t go off because they never bought the batteries. The disaster wasn’t random—it was engineered through decades of treating governance like a dirty word and taxes like Satan’s tithe.

And what do we get instead of action? Instead of rebuilding, restoring, reforming?

 We get fucking pep talks from Coach Abbott while the state drowns.

 No accountability. No reflection. Just sweaty hand-waving about “championship teams.”

 Buddy, if this is your championship season, I’d hate to see the preseason scrimmage.

So here we are. Families burying their dead. Kids sleeping in gymnasiums. Roads washed out. Bridges gone. Forecasts missed. And the only thing raining down from Austin is bullshit.

Texas didn’t need another sermon about resilience. It needed a functioning weather system.

 It didn’t need metaphors—it needed models, maps, and motherfucking money.

 But y’all chose football over foresight.

 And now the score is in.

You lose.

 Everyone else pays for it.