⚠️ SATIRE DISCLAIMER (NOW WITH EXTRA DEMOCRACY!)
This is stand-up satire in a Carlin voice. If you think democracy can be stolen with 49%, disillusionment is optional—context is mandatory.
🧭 RANT: “RCV—The Democracy Kryptonite Republicans Fear”
So here’s what’s happening: New York City drops its mayoral primary under Ranked Choice Voting, and what do we get? Zohran Mamdani—the outsider, the socialist, the left-field challenger—leads with 44% after round one. Cuomo? He’s stuck at 36%, and bows out knowing he’ll lose votes in the second round. That’s not democracy; that’s depth democracy.
In Maine, they asked the people: “Do you want plurality fraud, or majority rule?” They voted right—solidifying RCV in case after case. Because when the system demands over 50%, you gotta actually earn it, not just sneak in with 45% while everyone else splinters .
But here’s the part that’ll make your scalp tingle:
The GOP HATES this.
They know RCV blows up their game. They tremble at the thought of minority votes masked as mandates, like FOTUS pulling “win” off 44% of Republicans—while the majority said “no thanks.” RCV would rip that apart, making every win a real win—or no win at all.
Suddenly, spoiler candidates don’t matter. Turd candidates don’t let you sneak through. You gotta be worth it. They can’t divide and conquer. They can’t rig with half the party, because the system gives the people the full picture.
That’s right: RCV isn’t just votes; it’s heritage-level civil rights. It’s the veto to minority hegemony.
Maine saw it. Alaska saw it. NYC just lived it. And now, every corrupt GOP senator or strategist who counted on fractional support is twisting in its wake.
Because RCV says: if you're not majority—or can't build a broader coalition—you don’t deserve power.
And they hate it.
They hate losing the loopholes, the plurality scams, the manipulated primaries. They hate a system that demands majority—not their majority.
If democracy is a ship, plurality’s a dinghy. RCV is the freaking anchor. And every time the GOP tries to toss it overboard—state bans, manipulative referenda—it proves they’re terrified of being outvoted properly.
They’d rather rig primaries, steal elections, suppress votes—whatever it takes—than face an honest majority mandate.
RCV is the cure for that, and they’re running from the cure like it’s the plague.
Final word?
If your candidate can’t survive past the plurality gutter, they don’t deserve to govern.
RCV isn’t some geeky ballot system—it’s the truth serum for democracy.
And Republicans know: when democracy goes unfiltered, their scam shows up in HD.
