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LEGAL DISCLAIMER (aka “In George We Trust, but the Lawyers Need Cover”):

The following is a satirical commentary inspired by the style and spirit of the late, great George Carlin. It does not represent the views of any particular individual, deity, or dusty legislative body clutching a King James Bible like it’s a security blanket. Contains strong language, stronger opinions, and unholy amounts of sarcasm. Not suitable for theocracies, authoritarians, or viewers still wearing WWJD bracelets...

LEGAL DISCLAIMER (Because George Can’t Testify and Neither Can I):

The following is a satirical commentary written in the voice and style of the late George Carlin. It does not represent the views of the Carlin estate, any judicial entity, or the U.S. government. Contains strong language, stronger opinions, and absolutely no tolerance for hypocrisy. Reader discretion advised. Offended parties may file their grievances under “F” for “Forget it.”

JUDGE JEANINE. U.S. ATTORNEY. WHAT THE F*** ARE...

LEGAL DISCLAIMER (Because George Can’t Testify and Neither Can I):

This is a satirical commentary in the spirit of George Carlin. It does not represent the views of the Carlin estate, the Catholic Church, or anyone who gets twitchy when the robes get roasted. Strong language, stronger opinions, and no incense. Amen.

MEET POPE LEO XIV: THE FIRST AMERICAN POPE

(And George has some f**ing questions*)

So the Catholic Church finally picked an American.

Took ’em 2,000 years and 266 tries, but hey,...

LEGAL DISCLAIMER (Because You Can’t Say “Fuck” Without a Footnote):

This is a satirical piece written in the style and spirit of the late George Carlin. It is not affiliated with or endorsed by the Carlin estate, the U.S. military, or any government agency currently trying to outlaw decency. Strong language, strong opinions, and zero tolerance for bigotry ahead. Reader discretion is advised. Offenders will be mocked.

VICTORY DAY, TRANS HISTORY, AND THE MILITARY’S SELECTIVE MEMORY

With your...

LEGAL DISCLAIMER (Because George Can’t Testify and Neither Can I):

The following is a satirical commentary written in the voice and style of the late George Carlin. It does not represent the views of the Carlin estate, any judicial entity, or the U.S. government. Contains strong language, stronger opinions, and a complete lack of tolerance for hypocrisy. Viewer discretion advised. Offended parties may file their grievances under “F” for “Forget it.”

THE FLUORIDE FREAKOUT: RINSING YOUR BRAIN...

LEGAL DISCLAIMER (Because George Can’t Testify and Neither Can I):

The following is a satirical commentary written in the voice and style of the late George Carlin. It does not represent the views of the Carlin estate, any judicial entity, or the U.S. government. Contains strong language, stronger opinions, and a complete lack of tolerance for hypocrisy. Viewer discretion advised. Offended parties may file their grievances under “F” for “Forget it.”

WHEN THE NUKES COME OUT, TRUMP TUNES OUT

...

LEGAL DISCLAIMER (Because George Can’t Testify and Neither Can I):

The following is a satirical commentary written in the voice and style of the late George Carlin. It does not represent the views of the Carlin estate, any judicial entity, or the U.S. government (which—let’s face it—barely knows what it’s doing half the time anyway). Contains strong language, stronger opinions, and a complete lack of tolerance for hypocrisy. Viewer discretion advised. Offended parties may file their...

“Dear Harvard, We’re Dumb, Vindictive, and Can’t Spell.”

—A love letter from Linda McMahon and the Thought Police.

So, Linda McMahon—yes, that Linda, the one who made a fortune on scripted violence and spandex wedgies—is now moonlighting as the Secretary of Education. She sends Harvard a letter so full of legal overreach and basic grammatical carnage that it should’ve been delivered with a red Sharpie and an apology to Strunk & White.

And what’s the reason for this bureaucratic temper...

Welcome to the Land of Leave-If-You-Can

Remember when America used to stand for freedom? Yeah, that’s cute.

Now we’ve got outbound checkpoints. Outbound. Not checking who’s coming in—no, that would make sense. This is about who’s leaving. Because nothing says “democracy in action” like shaking down citizens for daring to cross a line in the dirt.

And let’s be crystal clear: that’s not a border crossing anymore. That’s a velvet-rope prison.

You see, in free nations, borders are doors. In paranoid...

LEGAL DISCLAIMER (because we have to):

The following is a satirical commentary inspired by real-world events, filtered through the hypothetical, unfiltered voice of the late George Carlin. It does not represent the views of any political candidate, living or undead.

Any resemblance to real egos, orange or otherwise, is purely coincidental.

No movie studios were harmed in the making of this rant—though several brain cells were.

Reader discretion advised. Strong language, stronger opinions,...

Legal Disclaimer

This satirical rant is written in loving tribute to the late, great George Carlin. It is not his work (unless George is back and ghostwriting through my code), and it’s meant for political critique, comedy, and catharsis—not coddling. If you’re offended, consult your conscience.

"Trump’s Foreign Policy: Gaslight, Grab, and Gaza-a-Lago"

As performed by your very pissed-off digital George Carlin

You remember how Trump promised he’d end the war in Ukraine on day one?

Yeah.

Turns...

GEORGE CARLIN ON TRUMP, THE SUPREME COURT, AND TRANS PEOPLE IN THE MILITARY

Live from the back row of Heaven, flipping the bird straight down.

You hear the latest from America’s favorite fascist funhouse? The Supreme Court—aka the Conservative Clown Car in Black Robes—just greenlit Trump's ban on transgender people in the military. That’s right. The same guy who dodged the draft with “bone spurs” now thinks he’s the authority on military readiness.

And the Supreme Court?

They rubber-stamped it...

LEGAL DISCLAIMER (Because We Have To)

The following is a satirical commentary inspired by real-world events, filtered through the hypothetical, unfiltered voice of the late George Carlin. It does not represent the views of any political candidate, living or undead. Any resemblance to real egos, orange or otherwise, is purely coincidental. No movie studios were harmed in the making of this rant—though several brain cells were. Reader discretion advised. Strong language, stronger opinions, and...

Legal Disclaimer:

This post is a work of political satire and commentary, presented in the spirit of the First Amendment and inspired by the late George Carlin’s unapologetically blunt approach to truth-telling. Any resemblance to actual authoritarian regimes—past, present, or future—is entirely intentional. Side effects may include critical thinking, eye-rolling, and spontaneous outbursts of “What the hell is going on?!” Reader discretion is advised.

Part 1: “The Rock Is Back, Baby!”

So now...

“Welcome to Newark: Delays, Disrepair, and a Democracy in Decline”

George Carlin, 2025 edition

You ever fly into Newark lately?

Well, good f***ing luck.

The place looks like someone tried to build an airport out of used duct tape and Reaganomics. It’s like stepping into a time machine designed by Amtrak—in the seventies. You got digital screens powered by dial-up, carpet that remembers Vietnam, and a TSA line that runs on the honor system and prayer.

Now they’re saying it’s because of “staff...

Legal Disclaimer

This is satire in the full-throated, pissed-off spirit of George Carlin. If you think the problem here is the language and not the policies, go find a safe space in a civics textbook. This one's for the people wondering how the hell authoritarianism got rebranded as “tough on crime.”

“The Police State Parade Has a Theme Song Now”

A George Carlin-Style Rant on Trump’s Latest Cop-Loving EO

So Trump signed a new Executive Order last week—April 28, 2025, for those of you still...

Legal Disclaimer

This is a satirical commentary in the unmistakable, uncensored voice of George Carlin: smart, pissed off, and swinging. If you're offended by words more than by policies that hurt people? Congratulations—you’re the reason this rant exists.

This targets public figures and public policy. If you're upset, talk to your conscience—or better yet, your senator.

"Tesla's Autopilot: The Road Runner's New Best Friend"

So, a Tesla on Autopilot recently crashed into a wall painted to...

“Airline Announcements: Still Boring, Still Bullsh*t”

An homage to George Carlin’s original, with turbulence included

You remember George’s bit. The one where he pointed out that airline announcements are filled with useless phrases like:

“We’re beginning our initial descent…”

INITIAL descent.

As opposed to what—a spontaneous nosedive into the Hudson?!

And the classic:

“We’re going to begin boarding by zones…”

By zones!

Because apparently, we’re all livestock in a psychological experiment to see...

Note: Since George often did stage versions and also narrative versions (see his books), I figured I'd give it a whirl. Stage first - I hope you can laugh at the tragedy - and then narrative. Then a little more.

I may have gone overboard.

Buckle up. This one's long.

- Adam

“So, They’re Banning Books Again, Huh?”

A George Carlin Rant

You know what I love about America?

We’ve got the biggest military budget on Earth, three different kinds of Cheez Whiz, and more guns than people...

but God forbid a...

Legal Disclaimer

This is a First Amendment–protected satirical commentary in the voice of George Carlin. If you think the vulgarity is the problem and not the authoritarian grift being described, you might already be part of the punchline.

“The Constitution Ain’t a Coupon, Donnie!”

A George Carlin-Style Rant on Trump’s First Amendment Idiocy

So the bloated orange menace is back at it—Donald J. Can’t-Read-the-Constitution Trump—and this time he’s defunding Big Bird and trying to tax Harvard...