LEGAL DISCLAIMER:

 This is satire. It is not meant to imply that Ryan Walters is, in fact, a salad sandwich, a Quayle clone, or functionally allergic to facts. However, it is meant to suggest that his educational policies are objectively dangerous, historically regressive, and politically manipulative. Consult your teacher, librarian, or any functioning adult for further clarification.

George Says: “There’s a War on Intelligence—and Oklahoma’s Winning It”

The Oklahoma Department of Education has decided it’s not enough for kids to be unprepared for the world—they want them misinformed too. That’s right. Under the leadership of Ryan Walters (a man George would call the human equivalent of a dropped egg salad sandwich), they’ve updated the high school social studies curriculum to include “analysis” of the 2020 election. And by “analysis,” I mean “conspiracy theory cosplay with a state budget.”

We’re talking about debunked garbage here.

 Votes mysteriously stopped? Ballot dumps? Mail-in voting as a “security concern”?

 This isn’t education. It’s a fanfiction workshop for Tucker Carlson viewers.

And if George were here, you know what he’d say:

“People are stupid. People are full of shit. And people are fucking nuts.”

And Ryan Walters? All three, baby. A real triple threat.

 Just like Dan Quayle, but without the charisma or the ability to spell "potato."

Let’s be honest: this isn’t about education.

 This is about weaponizing ignorance.

 The GOP has figured out that you don’t need to win arguments if your voters are allergic to facts.

 You don’t need truth when you’ve got truthiness. You don’t need democracy when you can manufacture paranoia.

And what better way to seal that deal than rewiring children’s brains before they hit voting age?

This is how you do it:

• Step 1: Undermine trust in elections.
• Step 2: Reinforce it in schools.
• Step 3: Watch the next generation grow up thinking democracy is a scam and authoritarianism sounds kinda neat—as long as their side wins.

Ryan Walters calls this “critical thinking.”

 George would call it mental arson.

And the worst part?

 It’s not happening in a vacuum.

 Across the country, libraries are being gutted, history books rewritten, and science classes turned into PowerPoint sermons. Meanwhile, schools can’t afford pencils unless they’re branded by ExxonMobil.

This isn’t about teaching both sides.

 There aren’t two sides to whether the 2020 election was stolen.

 There’s the truth—and there’s a Fox News chyron sponsored by Facebook outrage ads.

In George’s classroom, if you raised your hand and asked, “Was the 2020 election stolen?”

 He’d send you to the board and have you write: “I will not confuse delusion with discourse”  100 times—

 Then slap a big red F on the curriculum for trying to turn kids into conspiracy theorists.

George out.