⚖️ LEGAL DISCLAIMER (Fresh-Pressed for 2025):
This rant is a satirical blowtorch in the voice of the late, great George Carlin. It does not represent the Library of Congress, the Carlin estate, or anyone who’s ever used “DEI” as a slur. Contains profanity, sarcasm, and blindingly bright logic. Side effects may include clarity, anger, and spontaneous applause. Don’t drive while listening—your steering wheel might flip off the nearest politician.
THEY FIRED A LIBRARIAN. A FUCKING LIBRARIAN.
Let me get this straight.
Donald “Book Club Dropout” Trump just fired Carla Hayden, the Librarian of Congress.
You know—a woman who spent her career promoting literacy, preserving history, and making knowledge accessible?
Yeah. That’s the threat now.
Apparently, reading is woke.
Let me ask: how insecure do you have to be to declare war on a LIBRARY?
What’s next, punching a toddler for learning the alphabet?
And the official reason?
“She did not meet the needs of the American people.” Translation? She let Black authors, queer poets, and brown-skinned scientists EXIST in the stacks.
This isn’t about protecting children.
This is about protecting power—the kind that thrives in darkness and dies under reading lights.
You know why they hate her?
Because she believed a national library should look like the nation, not just the Mayflower.
And let’s talk about the actual job of the Librarian of Congress.
She doesn’t get to curate a woke reading list.
By law, the Library of Congress collects EVERY book published in the United States.
Even your uncle's 600-page manifesto about how left-handed baristas are part of a globalist agenda—that goes in too.
It’s not endorsement, it’s archiving.
It’s called history.
It’s called literacy.
It’s called "making sure future generations know exactly how stupid we were in 2025."
But that’s the problem, isn’t it?
They don’t WANT future generations to know.
They want a library where you can check out Atlas Shrugged, The Art of the Deal, and fifty-seven Bibles—but nothing that might mention slavery, feminism, climate change, or the fact that the Earth isn’t 6,000 years old and flat as Ted Cruz’s personality.
And now they’re coming for the Institute of Museum and Library Services, too—because god forbid someone in a small town learns how to read critically or search a database.
That’s dangerous.
A well-read public might ask questions.
They might notice that the Emperor is wearing a red tie and tweeting from the shitter.
So yeah.
They fired the librarian.
Not because she did something wrong.
But because she did something right.
She opened the shelves.
She digitized the archives.
She said: Everyone deserves to know things.
And that?
That’s a fucking revolution.
