⚖️ LEGAL DISCLAIMER (Now With Extra Bite):
This rant is performed in the rhetorical spirit of George Carlin. It doesn’t represent the Carlin estate, the U.S. Copyright Office, or the billionaire techbros rewriting copyright law in the back of a Tesla. Contains strong language, sharper logic, and zero respect for hypocrisy. If you’ve licensed your soul to OpenAI, Elon, or Donald, this might sting a little.
COPYRIGHT? WE DON'T NEED NO STINKIN' COPYRIGHT.
So let me get this straight.
The Trump administration just fired Shira Perlmutter, the head of the U.S. Copyright Office. Why?
Because she had the audacity—the unholy gall—to suggest that maybe, just maybe, we shouldn’t let billion-dollar tech companies steal everything not bolted to the Library of Congress.
You know—like BOOKS.
And ART.
And MUSIC.
And YOUR FUCKING VOICE if it gets posted to TikTok.
Her office puts out a report saying, “Hey, using copyrighted material to train AI might not be fair use.”
And Elon, Zuck, and the rest of the Silicon Valley Gollums immediately start twitching like they just got unplugged from the Matrix.
So what happens next?
She’s gone.
Fired.
Out.
Bounced like a royalty check in a gas station casino.
Because in America 2025, you don’t get fired for doing a bad job—you get fired for interfering with the grift.
You see, these guys—Elon, OpenAI, Meta—they want to eat the entire internet like it’s a buffet, but they don’t wanna pay for the damn plate.
They want to train their chatbots on your poetry, your articles, your novels, your screenplays, and your grandma’s casserole recipe. And if you dare say, “Hey, I own that,” they look at you like you farted in the Vatican.
And now Trump’s here, holding the door open like a concierge for digital kleptocrats.
He’s not protecting innovation.
He’s protecting piracy with a press release.
You ever notice how every time artists try to get paid, someone shows up to say “the internet wants to be free!”
Yeah, free for them. Not for you.
Meanwhile, the actual Copyright Office—the one job that’s supposed to care about creative rights—gets gutted like a Blockbuster in 2006.
You know what this is?
It’s corporate feudalism in a new skin.
The lords are AI companies.
The peasants are anyone who’s ever written a sentence.
And the king?
The king’s over there with a Sharpie, scribbling his name over the Constitution and calling it a licensing agreement.
So yeah. They fired the copyright chief.
And just like the librarian before her, she got axed for doing her job too well.
Because in the Empire of Dumb, truth is treason…
…and creativity is just fuel for the machine.
