⚖️ Legal Disclaimer

This is a George Carlin-style rant—fictional, satirical, profane, and absolutely not written by George (but if he’s haunting the internet, he probably cosigned it). It's not polite. It's not balanced. It’s not here to comfort the comfortable. It’s here to roast fascists and gut hypocrisy with a rusty spork.

🎤 “Trump’s Gender War: Closet Authoritarianism in Drag”

As performed by the ghost of George Carlin, back to clean house with a flamethrower

You know what's weird?

The people who scream the loudest about “protecting kids” from drag queens are the same people who send their own kids to church lock-ins with Father Fingerwand.

They say they’re fighting “gender ideology.”

 You know what gender ideology is?

Letting people live.

That’s it. That’s the big scary agenda:

Don’t be a dick. Let people exist.

 But somehow, to this crowd, that’s tyranny.

🚽 The Bathroom Panic That Never Ends

Let’s talk about bathrooms. These people are so obsessed with where other folks pee, I’m starting to think they have a fetish.

They say,

“We can’t let trans people into the women’s restroom!”

Why?

What do you think is happening in there?

 A drag show?

 A secret communist recruitment meeting?

It’s a toilet stall, not Studio 54.

 People go in, they come out. Hopefully with cleaner hands than when they went in. That’s it.

You’re not scared of who’s peeing—you’re scared of not being able to control them.

📚 Book Bans and the Boogeyman of Queer Visibility

Now they’re banning books with gay characters, trans protagonists, even rainbows, for f***’s sake.

These are the same people who can’t define “woke” but want it outlawed.

 They read two paragraphs about gender theory and suddenly think they’re defending Western civilization from collapse.

Let me tell you something:

Western civilization doesn’t collapse because someone uses they/them pronouns.

 It collapses because it’s run by corrupt, cowardly grifters who think empathy is a weakness.

🚔 The Trump Doctrine: Legislate the Closet

Trump’s new policies?

• Ban trans healthcare
• Erase LGBTQ+ protections
• Force teachers to out students
• Criminalize gender-affirming care
• And reclassify queerness as deviant ideology

Congratulations! You’ve taken the playbook from 1970s East Germany and added evangelical gloss.

What’s next? Rainbow armbands? Tattoo a barcode on every queer kid’s forehead?

🧠 This Ain’t About Morals. It’s About Control.

It’s not about bathrooms.

 It’s not about sports.

 It’s not even about pronouns.

It’s about power.

 The power to decide who counts and who doesn’t.

 The power to shove people into boxes, tape the lids shut, and call it “traditional values.”

They want a world where everyone fits neatly into “man,” “woman,” and “property.”

And if you don’t fit?

You’re the enemy.

🧨 Final Thought?

If your political platform requires erasing people, it’s not a platform.

 It’s a panic attack with a flag on it.

Trump and his cult don’t want freedom. They want compliance.

 Obedience. Uniformity. A nation full of red-hatted mannequins who say “Yes, sir” while the real world burns.

You want to fight for freedom?

 Then fight for people to be who the hell they are.

 Anything less is just fascism in a family-values disguise.