⚠️ LEGAL DISCLAIMER:

 This is a satirical rant in the style of the late George Carlin. No actual microphones were harmed, but some political egos may be. If you think gamifying human rights is entertainment, you’re probably not the target audience—but you’re definitely the punchline.

George Says: “IMMIGRANTS COMPETING FOR CITIZENSHIP? CONGRATULATIONS, YOU’VE INVENTED HUNGER GAMES: AMERICA EDITION”

So let me get this straight.

 The Department of Homeland Security is considering a reality TV show where immigrants—real people, real lives—compete for U.S. citizenship?

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

This isn’t immigration reform.

 This is Wheel of Misfortune with slightly more flag waving and fewer vowels.

They're calling it The American.

 Yeah, well I’ve got another name:

“Who Wants to Be Exploited?”

 Brought to you by the same crowd that gave us The Apprentice, where the goal was to kiss ass, lie better, and win approval from a guy who bankrupts casinos.

And guess who this show really appeals to?

Donald J. Game Show Host Himself.

You think he hasn’t already dreamed of it?

 Immigrants groveling for a green card while he sits in a gold throne barking “You’re deported!”

 Don’t lie—you can see the promo.

 “Next week on The American: Will Maria make it past the clam-digging challenge? Or will she be EXILED by executive order?!”

It’s not just dystopian.

 It’s not just tone-deaf.

 It’s exactly what happens when a country confuses government with television.

And they’re dressing it up with good ol’ American kitsch:

 Ellis Island! Model Ts! Gold panning!

You know what that is?

 That’s a minstrel show for the immigration process.

And what do the losers get?

Starbucks gift cards.

 Gas vouchers.

 Airline miles.

Great! You don’t get a country, but here’s a latte and a tank of gas to get deported in STYLE.

What’s next?

 A dating show where asylum seekers compete to marry a border patrol agent?

 A talent show called So You Think You Can Naturalize?

And don’t tell me “it celebrates the immigrant journey.”

 You want to celebrate immigrants?

Give them legal protection, living wages, and the right not to get gamified for cable ratings.

But no. That wouldn’t sell ad space.

 No one tunes in to watch basic human rights.

 They want sweat, tears, and elimination rounds.

It’s The Long Walk with patriotism.

The Running Man without the dignity.

 Hell, at least in The Hunger Games, the government didn’t pretend the losers were getting airline points.

So here’s what George says:

 This ain’t a country anymore.

 It’s a brand.

 A network.

 A shitty knockoff of Survivor,  except the only thing getting voted off the island is your humanity.

And the host?

 Orange.

 Loud.

 Still thinks “ratings” means “leadership.”

 And you’re letting him back behind the curtain with the fucking fog machine.

George out.

 And if you see an Ellis Island challenge on TV, throw the remote, not your ethics.

Here’s a fun little game:

 Imagine Orwell was a network executive. You’d get a show just like this: The American.  Twelve immigrants. One prize. Challenges. Elimination. Confetti.  Not a dystopian allegory—just Tuesday night programming.

It’s not science fiction anymore, folks.

 It’s the natural conclusion of a country that turned news into narrative, politics into performance, and human beings into “contestants.”

Let’s be clear:  This isn’t about citizenship.  It’s about control.  It's about who gets to hold the gate, who gets to own the camera, and who gets to script the “immigrant experience” for public consumption.

We’ve been here before. Sci-fi is loaded with examples.

The Running Man wasn’t about gladiators—it was about a government so entwined with entertainment that it used televised bloodshed to pacify the population and rewrite the truth.

 Sound familiar?

• State-run spectacle? ✅
• Public cheering executions? (Or deportations?) ✅
• The prize being survival in the system that created your desperation? ✅

Then you’ve got 1984, where the Party controlled every screen, every broadcast, every word.

 Citizens competed not for prizes, but for the privilege of existing without getting disappeared.

You want another one? Try Logan’s Run.

 Everyone’s beautiful, everything’s perfect, and the system is always right—until you age out or ask questions.  Then you get vaporized on live television and the crowd cheers like it’s a Super Bowl halftime show.

And now?

 You’re telling me DHS is entertaining a reality show where the path to citizenship is earned by clam-digging and pleasing a panel of bureaucrats?

That’s not patriotism.  That’s performance-based assimilation.

 And it’s wrapped in enough flag-themed tinsel to make you forget that the people on stage aren’t characters—they’re human beings with lives hanging in the balance.

What’s happening here isn’t about celebrating immigrants.  It’s about turning their struggle into content.  Packaging their hope, resilience, and pain into palatable chunks for people who still think “Ellis Island” is a brand of salad dressing.

Because when your culture stops offering sanctuary and starts demanding entertainment value,  you’re not running a democracy anymore.  You’re managing a content farm for state-sponsored narcissism.

And don’t think for a second that this ends with one show.  Because once the public gets a taste—once the ad revenue rolls in— they’ll keep going. Next up:

• Who Wants a Work Visa?
• America’s Got Naturalization!
• Dancing with the Border Patrol!

Hell, maybe they’ll even let Trump host again.  Big gold set. Big red buzzer. “You’re DEPORTED.”

So here’s what I say:

 You can’t fix a broken immigration system by turning it into Survivor: Constitutional Edition.  And if the only way someone can earn citizenship is by “competing,”  then it’s not a country anymore.

 It’s a game.

And we all lose.

George out.

 And Orwell? He’s not just rolling in his grave.

 He’s changing the channel.