⚠️ SATIRE DISCLAIMER (Standard Issue, Now With Extra Rage):

 This is a fictional rant in the unmistakable voice of George Carlin, written as political satire. If you’re the kind of person who thinks “the gay agenda” involves anything more dangerous than brunch and civil rights, buckle the hell up.

George Says: “THEY DON’T WANT YOU TO COME OUT—THEY WANT YOU TO DISAPPEAR.”

Let’s talk about it.

Let’s talk about this festering, paranoid, panty-twisting obsession the administration has with LGBTQ+ people. Because it’s not subtle. It’s not coded. It’s not “religious liberty.” It’s good old-fashioned bigotry with a goddamn Bluetooth connection.

And this isn’t a one-off. It’s not oops, we forgot to renew some funding. It’s a coordinated, multi-agency, bureaucracy-wielding purge in khakis.

You wanna be gay in this country? Great. But don’t get married, don’t teach, don’t adopt, don’t transition, don’t play sports, don’t serve in the military, don’t get health care, don’t ask questions, and above all—DON’T. GET. LOUD.

Because then they call you “aggressive.”

No, sweetheart.

You’re not aggressive. You’re annoying the people who think your existence is a glitch in the system.

Let’s look at the rap sheet.

• Healthcare? Slashed. Gender-affirming care banned for minors. Clinics raided. Doctors threatened. Meanwhile, Greg from Kentucky can still get a prescription for boner pills mailed to him in a camo envelope with zero oversight.
• Education? They’re banning books with gay characters in them. Not gay sex, not gay scenes. Just gay people existing. You know what that’s called? Erasure. With a library card.
• Trans rights? Oh, they’re foaming at the mouth. Bathroom bills, sports bans, driver’s licenses that come with a side of dehumanization. In some states, you have to carry your original birth certificate like it’s a f***ing parole document.
• The military? Once again, trans soldiers are being discharged. Because the guy who dodged Vietnam with a bone spur thinks courage means hiding behind an executive order.
• Pride flags? Banned on federal property. Because apparently a piece of fabric is more offensive than forty-seven indictments and a diet of raw xenophobia.

And what’s their excuse?

 “Protecting the children.”

Oh really?

You’re protecting children by banning drag brunches, but arming schoolteachers and underfunding mental health? That’s not protection. That’s a smokescreen for your cultural insecurities and a pathological need to control what you don’t understand.

George says: If your masculinity can be undone by a man in eyeliner, it was never that sturdy to begin with.

And don’t give me this “biological reality” crap.

 You’re not scientists. You’re legislators who get nosebleeds from reading footnotes. You don’t want biology—you want obedience. You want people to shut up and fit neatly into two boxes: Breedable or Disposable.

So here’s the punchline:

 June’s coming. You’re gonna see all the fake-ass rainbow logos and #Pride tweets from companies that still donate to anti-LGBTQ+ politicians. And the government? They’ll be the first to say, “We support Pride Month!”

Bullshit. If you have to shove every queer person back in the closet for the other 11 months, you don’t support Pride—you’re throwing glitter on a cage.

You want to make this country better?

Stop treating queer people like a seasonal allergy.

 Stop weaponizing Christianity like a corporate firewall for hate.

 Stop acting like gender is a security threat.

And start shutting up and listening.

Queer folks don’t want “special rights.”

 They want to exist without being hunted by a goddamn culture war.

George out.

And remember—get loud, stay loud.

 Not because it’s Pride Month, but because you shouldn’t need a special month to be safe in your own skin.

 You shouldn’t need a flag to remind the government that you’re human.

 You shouldn’t need a movement to defend your right to breathe.

But until the people in charge get that?

We scream. We march. We fight.

 Because if we don’t?

They win.