(Spotlight hits. George steps out, chewing on the air like it owes him rent.)

“So Texas wants to define what a man is and what a woman is. Real original, boys. Glad we solved hunger, poverty, and the healthcare crisis—now let’s legislate vaginas and testicles. That’s the ticket!”

pacing the stage like a tiger in a cage full of idiots

 “Apparently, in Texas, you’re not a woman unless your body produces ova. Ova! That’s Latin for eggs, folks. So congratulations, ladies, you’re legally chickens now.”

throws hands in mock celebration

 “Hell, by that logic, if you’re menopausal, you’re not a woman anymore. Welcome to Texas, where your gender expires faster than your driver’s license.”

leans forward, mock-whispering

 “And fellas, don’t think you’re safe. If your system can’t fertilize ova? Poof! No more manhood for you either. Sorry, Bob, the vasectomy wasn’t just a snip—it was a reclassification. Hope you like knitting, ‘cause you’re a goddamn housewife now.”

beat

 “And don’t get me started on the paperwork. ‘Cause now every state form has to ask, Do your gametes go in or out? Are you an egg-maker or a sperm-shooter? It’s biology class, brought to you by the Texas GOP and the letters W, T, and F.”

slows down, gets serious—Carlin Serious™

 “You know what this really is? It’s control. They don’t care about biology. They care about making people small. Stripping them down to parts so they can legislate what you are and what you’re allowed to be. If your identity doesn’t come with an owner’s manual written in the King James Bible, they don’t want it.”

final punch, hand slicing the air

 “These people think defining a woman by her eggs is ‘protecting rights.’ No, man. That’s not rights. That’s reduction. That’s a government registry of your genitals. And you thought the TSA was invasive.”