⚠️ SATIRE DISCLAIMER (Standard Issue, Totalitarian Settings Enabled):

 This is a fictional rant in the unmistakable voice of George Carlin, written as political satire. If you’ve ever thought fascism would show up wearing jackboots, not khakis and a red tie, this is your fucking wake-up call.

George Says: “DUE PROCESS? MORE LIKE DON’T PROCESS—JUST DEPORT.”

So the FOTUS is back at it—breaking laws like they’re breadsticks at a campaign fundraiser.

 Let me walk you through the trifecta of authoritarian horseshit he’s trying to serve us this week:

First up: We’ve got a man deported 28 minutes after a federal court said, ‘Hey, don’t do that.’

 That’s right. Twenty. Fucking. Eight. Minutes.

 You know what kind of government does that?

 Not a democracy.

 Not even a banana republic.

That’s some dystopian “fuck your judge” shit.

The court issues a legal order and ICE says, “Yeah, we heard you. But our plane already left, soooo… bye!” And this is after the government stated, under oath, that they had no plans to deport him until the following day. Guess an oath means nothing; it's just words, right?

George says: When the executive branch starts ignoring the judiciary, it’s not government—it’s a goddamn gang war in a marble building.

And ICE? ICE isn’t law enforcement anymore.

 They’re not protecting anyone.

 They’re just running glorified bounty hunts with body armor and biometric scanners.

But it gets better.

Next up: The Office of Remigration.

 Now doesn’t that sound like something you’d hear in a fucking Orwell novel?

 “The Office of Remigration.”

 Like it’s a friendly travel agency.

 “Hi there! We see you’re brown, poor, and not properly grateful—how about a one-way ticket to a place we say you ‘belong’?”

Remigration.

 Which, let’s be honest, is just a rebranded ethnic cleansing starter pack.

 Because it’s not just for “illegals.”

 No, no. That would be too honest.

 They want to deport naturalized citizens too.

 People who’ve voted. Paid taxes. Built businesses. Served in the fucking military.

But apparently, if you speak the wrong language, practice the wrong faith, or look at a border the wrong way, you’re now “unassimilated.”

 Which is newspeak for “not white enough to count.”

And then—because the shit sandwich needs a garnish—he’s trying to mass fire the federal workforce.

You heard that right.

Mass firing. No hearings. No appeals. Just “You’re fired,” Apprentice-style.

 You work in civil rights? Gone.

 Environmental enforcement? Gone.

 Food safety? Fuck you. Hope you like salmonella.

 Education? Gone. Teach creationism or pack your shit.

George says: When a president wants to gut the federal workforce like a fish, it’s not about efficiency—it’s about obedience.

Because that’s the plan.

 Fire the career professionals, the scientists, the watchdogs, and replace them with loyalists.

 Not public servants—party servants.

That’s not draining the swamp.

 That’s stocking it with alligators who went to CPAC.

Now you put this all together—

• Deporting people against court orders.
• Creating a Ministry of Deportation Dressed Up as Travel Plans.
• Replacing the federal government with a cult army of yes-men.

And what do you get?

You get a fucking roadmap to dictatorship.

 You get an executive branch with no leash, no brakes, and no respect for the law unless it helps them lock you up or kick you out.

It’s not a slippery slope anymore.

 It’s a controlled descent into fascism—with biometric tracking and a loyalty rewards program.

George out.

 And if you’re still saying, “Well, it doesn’t affect me…”

 Give it a minute.

 Once they’re done chasing immigrants and firing bureaucrats, they’re coming for the loudmouths, the readers, the queers, the feminists, the comedians, the dissenters.

And then they’ll come for you—because you didn’t cheer loud enough.