⚠️ SATIRE DISCLAIMER (Now with 100% More Irony and 0% International Students):
This is a fictional stage rant delivered in the unmistakable voice of George Carlin, written as political satire. If you're the type who believes that banning international students from Harvard is a patriotic act, you might want to reconsider your understanding of freedom and education.
So let me get this straight. We’ve gone from banning books to banning students?
First it was TRIO. Then it was GEAR UP. Then it was support programs, tutoring, Pell Grants, free lunch, gifted programs, hell—even the damn library. And now? Now they’re coming after international students at Harvard.
Because nothing says “land of opportunity” like slamming the door in the face of the people who actually want to learn something. Oh no, can’t have any of that—what if they get ideas? What if they start asking questions? What if they realize this country’s being run by a bunch of brittle-skinned cowards who get nervous every time they hear an accent?
And let’s not forget—these aren’t party-school slackers we’re talking about. These are Harvard students. Smart kids. The ones who might actually fix some of the mess we’re in. And what do we do?
“Go home.”
Not “Welcome to America,” not “Make yourself a future,” not “Hey, please help us keep the lights on since you’re literally funding our universities.”
Nope. It’s “Thanks for your tuition. Now get the hell out.”
Because when the government starts feeling threatened by educated immigrants, you can bet your ass they’re planning on doing something real stupid—and they don’t want any bright minds around to point it out.
📜 Legal Disclaimer (In Red Ink and Shaky Handwriting):
This satirical rant was produced without the consent of any government agency, morally bankrupt administration, or fear-mongering political hack. No Harvard students were harmed during the making of this commentary, but several freedom-hating bureaucrats were emotionally bruised. All complaints should be forwarded directly to the fire exit.
