⚠️ LEGAL DISCLAIMER:
This is satire in the voice of George Carlin. If you think banning hurricanes with a Bible verse is good governance, you may want to stop reading now and go vote for a storm drain.
George Says: “THEY CAN’T FIX ROADS, BUT THEY’RE GONNA FIX THE SKY?”
So now Republican state legislatures are passing bills to ban weather manipulation.
Let me repeat that: Weather. Manipulation.
Because apparently, droughts, hurricanes, and heatwaves aren’t caused by fossil fuels or a collapsing climate— they’re caused by the Deep State with a fog machine.
These people don’t trust climate scientists.
They don’t trust meteorologists.
But they do trust a guy with a YouTube channel called “SkyTruth420” who swears the clouds are being remote-controlled from Brussels.
And how do they respond?
Not with funding for infrastructure.
Not with climate adaptation.
Nope.
They pass a law that says: “Stop messing with God’s weather!”
You know what that is?
That’s like trying to outlaw gravity because you tripped on a rake.
That’s not policy.
That’s Voodoo Civics.
It’s “make-believe meets legislation,”
and suddenly we’re all extras in a sci-fi episode written by Alex Jones.
They’re banning weather control.
Meanwhile, their grid collapses in a heatwave, their reservoirs are drier than a Baptist wedding, and their schools are using textbooks from before Pluto got demoted.
But no worries—the real threat is rain sorcery.
And let’s be honest: This isn’t about science.
It’s about deflection.
It’s about keeping people scared and stupid, so when the crops fail or the sky burns, you can blame globalist cloud demons instead of, you know, ExxonMobil.
Here's what George says:
If your state can’t stop wildfires, but it can pass a law banning the Weather Channel from “doing spells,” you don’t have a government.
You have a Facebook comment section with a gavel.
George out.
And if you're still worried about weather manipulation, try this ancient ritual:
It’s called “listening to scientists.” If you can find any that haven't been fired, that is.
I know—it’s not as sexy as blaming Beyoncé, but it might keep your town from blowing away.
