Two versions today, folks, because this latest fuckery deserves it!
⚠️ SNARKY LEGAL DISCLAIMER:
This is satire. A George Carlin–style rant dipped in acid and wrapped in barbed wire. It ain’t polite, it ain’t family-friendly, and if you’re the kind of person who thinks fascism comes with a friendly customer service line, you’re about to be very, very uncomfortable.
Florida just pulled the pin on a hand grenade and tossed it straight into the laps of kids with disabilities. No more diplomas for them unless they can magically squeeze themselves into a “career and technical education” pipeline designed for kids without major learning barriers. And if they can’t? Well, tough shit. No diploma, no future, no seat at the damn table.
Now don’t get me wrong—some kids can use CTE. Welding, coding, auto shop. Great. But the rest? The ones who can’t sit for a cert exam, can’t keep up in a shop environment, can’t do the “proficiency checks”? They’re fucked. Completely erased from the system. Stripped of dignity, shoved out the door at 18 with nothing but a polite “good luck, champ.”
And you start thinking—what the hell happens to those kids? Oh, but don’t worry, Florida’s got ideas. They deported the migrants who used to pick the strawberries, lay the drywall, clean the hotels. Fields are rotting. Projects are stalling. And now there’s this shiny new crop of “nonfunctional” graduates—kids who the state has already stamped as failures.
You really think Stephen Miller hasn’t thought, “Hey, that’s a workforce, right there.”
Stick them on farms, in warehouses, on construction sites. Call it “training.” Call it “opportunity.” Call it “helping them contribute.” But it’s forced labor by another name. And when they collapse from heatstroke or asthma or seizures? Oh well. Who’s gonna miss them? They were “unemployable” anyway, right?
And the ones who can’t even handle that? Easy. Camps. We’ve already got the blueprints. ICE runs them. Trump loves them. Stick up a sign that says “Residential Care Facility” and boom—instant holding pens for the disabled. A cot, a tray of slop, maybe a flag in the corner so it looks patriotic. And they’ll sell it as mercy. “Look how generous we are, taking care of these poor kids society abandoned.”
And here’s the kicker: voting rights. You think those kids are keeping the right to vote once they’re in state custody? Hell no. Their “guardians” will handle that. And who’s the guardian? The camp director. The warden. The commandant in a golf shirt. And wouldn’t you know it, every ballot cast will be exactly as Dear Leader wishes. You just turned disenfranchisement into a goddamn vote multiplier. “Don’t worry, Timmy, we’ll vote for you! MAGA all the way!”
That’s not democracy. That’s necrophilia on the corpse of democracy. That’s Trump and his cronies bending over the Constitution and calling it “efficiency.”
So let’s cut the polite crap: this isn’t about “helping kids transition to adulthood.” This is about erasing them from society and repurposing their bodies for labor, votes, or both. Florida’s turning special education into a fucking supply chain for fascism.
Because if you erase the diploma, you erase the opportunity.
Erase the opportunity, you erase the person.
And once you erase the person? You can do whatever the fuck you want with what’s left.
And that’s the point. Always was. Always will be—unless we stop it.
And now let's dial it up to Fuck You Florida
Florida. Jesus Christ, Florida.
They’ve decided kids with disabilities don’t get diplomas anymore. Poof. Gone. No cap, no gown, no sense of dignity. Unless you can cram yourself through their “Career and Technical Education” slot machine. Weld a pipe, code a widget, maybe you win a certificate. But if you can’t? If your disability makes that impossible? Tough shit. Door’s over there. Don’t let it hit your wheelchair on the way out.
And here’s the ugly part—it’s not incompetence. It’s a plan.
See, Florida booted out half their migrant workforce. Crops are rotting. Restaurants can’t find staff. Construction sites look like ghost towns. And what do they suddenly have? A pipeline of young people, dumped out of school without credentials, without protections, without options. Disposable kids. The perfect new labor pool.
“Can’t read? Can’t write? Doesn’t matter—get out there and pick tomatoes. Hope you like heatstroke.”
And the ones who can’t even do that? Don’t worry—there’s a special place for them. Camps. Not the summer kind with s’mores and singalongs. No, the barbed-wire kind. The warehouse kind. Where you get three meals of government slop and the privilege of being “cared for” by the same state that erased your future.
And you know what happens in those camps, right? Voting rights go poof. Oh, they’ll say it’s all “guardianship.” Very compassionate. And who’s the guardian? The camp director. The warden. The state’s chosen babysitter. And surprise, surprise—every ballot cast on behalf of those “clients” just happens to line up perfectly with MAGA. Every single fucking one.
That’s not mercy. That’s vote laundering. That’s slavery with paperwork.
Florida isn’t just cutting diplomas. They’re cutting people out of democracy itself. Because if you erase the graduates, you erase the votes. If you erase the votes, you erase democracy. And once democracy’s gone? Congratulations, you’re living in Trump’s one-party Hunger Games.
And don’t think this is hyperbole. These bastards already built the cages. Already deported the workers. Already gutted the protections. You think they won’t extend it to disabled kids? Hell, Stephen Miller probably pitched it over cocktails: “What if instead of scaring immigrants, we use our own kids? Extra cruel, extra efficient!” And the room nodded, clinking their glasses of fascist chardonnay.
So here’s the nightmare:
Diploma denied.
Future denied.
Vote denied.
Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness—denied.
All so Donald “Felon of the United States” Trump can sit on his golden shitter, farting out decrees while DeSantis grins and Miller licks his teeth like a goddamn ghoul.
This isn’t education policy. This isn’t reform. This is fascism with crayons.
Florida just handed the state’s most vulnerable kids straight into the meat grinder—and had the balls to call it “pathways.”
Pathways to where?
To the fields.
To the camps.
To the ballot box where their stolen votes keep Trump emperor-for-life.
Florida isn’t training these kids for jobs. They’re training them for chains.
And if you’re not pissed yet, then maybe you deserve to live under the director of Camp MAGA casting your ballot for you.