⚠️ LEGAL DISCLAIMER (Snark with legal teeth):

This is satire, parody, performance art—George Carlin–style bile sprayed on the walls of democracy. If you confuse this for policy analysis, seek help. No actual dictators were harmed in the making of this rant, but the Felon of the United States sure wishes he could borrow their job descriptions.

So here we are. Labor Day. Supposed to be about workers, unions, barbecues, and maybe pretending summer isn’t over yet.

But Trump? Oh no. He’s spending it on his favorite pastime: auditioning to be Kim Jong Un with a spray tan.

In the Oval Office, while signing another stack of unconstitutional toilet paper he calls “executive orders,” the man floated the idea—again—that maybe America would like a dictator.

That’s not a slip. That’s not “joking.” That’s a sales pitch.

“A lot of people are saying maybe we’d like a dictator,” he says.

Yeah, Donnie. You. You’re the one saying it. Every damn week. You said it during the campaign. You said it Day One. Now you’re saying it Day 200.

And here’s the part that should make every American spit beer across the picnic table: he follows it up with “I’m not a dictator. I’m a man with common sense.”

That’s not reassurance. That’s a Bond villain monologue. That’s Idi Amin with a bad combover.

This isn’t hypothetical anymore. Look at the record.

He took over D.C. police under a fake “crime emergency.”

 He’s got Guard units roaming the streets with rifles like it’s occupied territory.

 He’s signing orders to criminalize flag burning—straight middle finger to the Supreme Court.

 He’s threatening Chicago, Baltimore, New York—blue cities, governors who won’t kiss the ring.

That’s not “common sense.” That’s domestic militarization. That’s Stalin’s playbook run through a Kinko’s and stamped “MAGA.”

And every time someone calls him a dictator? He smirks. He likes it. He’s testing it. This is how authoritarians move the line—inch by inch, flag by flag, cop by cop.

You think this ends with troops in Chicago? No. It ends with troops wherever the fuck he feels like sending them. Governors be damned. Courts be damned. Congress irrelevant.

You don’t build a “quick reaction force” Guard unit for fun. You don’t rename the Department of Defense the “Department of War” unless you’re jerking yourself off to Mussolini speeches.

And here’s the truth: John Kelly was right. The guy wants fascism. Wants to be the dictator. Wants to be adored like Putin, feared like Stalin, worshipped like Kim. Only problem? He’s a spray-tanned con artist whose idea of strategy is yelling on Truth Social until his phone battery dies.

Final thought?

Labor Day 2025 isn’t about the workers. Not anymore. It’s about whether Americans are gonna work for him—forever. No elections. No opposition. Just permanent MAGA rule enforced by troops on your block and flags you’re not allowed to burn.

You wanted a cookout? He’s serving up dictatorship hot and fresh.

And the only thing on the grill is the Constitution.