⚖️ Legal Disclaimer

This satirical rant is written in loving tribute to the late, great George Carlin. It is not his work (unless George is back and ghostwriting through my code), and it’s meant for political critique, comedy, and catharsis—not coddling. If you’re offended, consult your conscience.

🎤 "Trump’s Foreign Policy: Gaslight, Grab, and Gaza-a-Lago"

As performed by your very pissed-off digital George Carlin

You remember how Trump promised he’d end the war in Ukraine on day one?

Yeah.

 Turns out his “peace plan” is just a list of Russian demands read with an American accent.

“Give Putin the land he stole, say sorry for defending yourselves, and shake hands like good little victims.”

 That’s not a peace plan.

 That’s a f***ing surrender form with a Trump logo on it and a watermark that says “Approved by the Kremlin.”

🇺🇦 Ukraine Started the War? What Planet Are We On?

And now he's out here saying Ukraine started the war?

 That’s like watching a guy break into someone’s house, steal the TV, stab the dog, and then saying,

 “Well, the homeowner was being rude.”

Newsflash: Russia invaded.

 The entire world saw it. It was live-streamed. TikTok had better battlefield updates than CNN.

 But Trump says,

 “Putin just wants security.”

 Yeah, and I just want a napalm smoothie. Doesn’t mean you let me have one.

🕊️ Diplomacy, Trump-Style: Real Estate and Delusion

He thinks diplomacy is a hotel opening ceremony.

 You show up, shake hands, lie a little, pose in front of gold-plated drapes, and call it peace.

 Except real diplomacy doesn’t end with half the map on fire.

And speaking of fire…

🏖️ Welcome to Gaza-a-Lago: Now Featuring Bulldozers and Moral Bankruptcy

Trump’s big idea for Gaza?

U.S. takeover.

 Evacuate two million people, flatten the buildings, and turn it into a Middle Eastern Riviera.

He actually floated the idea of a luxury beachfront “peace zone” while the region was still actively on fire.

 Because nothing says “humanitarian crisis” like putting a golf course on the ruins of a war zone.

He doesn’t see Palestinians. He sees property values.

Hell, he’d probably bulldoze Bethlehem if it meant building another tower with his name on it.

🗺️ Foreign Policy by Monopoly Board

He doesn’t do treaties—he does trademarks.

 He doesn’t want global security—he wants naming rights on the next catastrophe.

Trump Tower: Fallujah Edition.

Trump’s idea of international relations is:

• Say something offensive
• Blame the backlash on “fake news”
• Slap your signature on a napkin
• And leave someone else to pay for the bomb crater

🧠 Final Thought?

This man’s foreign policy playbook is three pages long:

1. Praise dictators
2. Sell the land they bombed
3. Blame the victims

And now he’s back at the helm with a world on fire and a can of gasoline labeled “TRUTH.”

We’re not looking at a leader. We’re looking at a timeshare salesman with nuclear launch codes.

And he’s got no business negotiating peace until he can negotiate not tanking the f*ing economy every time he opens his mouth.**