This is a fictional satirical rant, lovingly forged in the voice of the late George Carlin. It is not written by George (unless he’s channeling through my computer), and it is not subtle, polite, or designed to make billionaires feel cozy. If you’re offended, congratulations—you’re listening.

🎤 “Trump’s Economic Genius: Spoiler Alert—It’s Bullsh*t”

A George Carlin-Style Rant for the Broke and the Furious

Let’s talk about Donald Trump, the self-proclaimed “best businessman,” “economic genius,” “deal maker,” and modern-day Midas with the reverse golden touch—because everything he touches turns to steaming f*ing debt.**

🎰 The Casino King Who Bankrupted a Casino

A CASINO.

He bankrupted a casino.

 Do you know how hard that is? That’s like opening a bar on Mardi Gras and not making rent. That’s like selling snow cones in hell and going out of business because you forgot ice.

The Trump Taj Mahal—“the eighth wonder of the world”—lasted about as long as a carton of milk in the Sahara. It tanked in less than a year. The only wonder is how it took him that long to screw it up.

✈️ The Trump Shuttle—Now Boarding for Bankruptcy

Let’s not forget the Trump Shuttle—because if you can’t crash a plane, you might as well crash an airline.

Bought a fleet of jets, slapped his name on them in gold letters like a toddler with a label maker, jacked up the ticket prices, and then acted surprised when people said,

“Yeah, I’ll take literally any other airline that isn’t a floating ego trap with wings.”

He defaulted in three years.

📉 Fast Forward to 2025: The Tariff Tantrum Heard ‘Round the World

Now he’s back in office, and what does he do?

Slaps tariffs on everything.

 Like Oprah with sanctions:

 “You get a tariff! YOU get a tariff! Even Canada gets a f***ing tariff!”

And what happens?

• The stock market tanks
• The S&P 500 loses $3 trillion in 48 hours
• Every economist in the country screams into their coffee
• And Trump struts out saying, “The economy’s never been better.”

Yeah, because nothing screams prosperity like investors selling off faster than Taylor Swift tickets.

🏦 The “Golden Era” Fantasy (1890–1913): A Love Letter to Misery

You know what era he keeps pointing to as the “economic golden age”?

1890 to 1913.

Ah yes, the time before the income tax.

 Back when children worked in coal mines, banks collapsed every five years, and getting injured on the job meant a handshake and a shallow grave.

Let me remind you:

• No minimum wage
• No Social Security
• No labor rights
• Oh, and a little thing called the Panic of 1907, which was so catastrophic it birthed the Federal Reserve.

This is what Trump wants to go back to.

 When “retirement planning” meant dying at 43 and leaving your kids a wheelbarrow.

🦠 First Term Greatest Hits: “Art of the Unemployment Line”

• 20 million jobs lost in one month during COVID
• 14.7% unemployment
• A stimulus check so small it couldn’t cover a week’s groceries unless you were already dead
• Farmers bankrupted by trade wars with countries they didn’t even know they were at war with

But hey—the rich got richer, and that’s all that counts, right?

Because Trump’s economy doesn’t run on productivity.

 It runs on grift, slogans, and Daddy’s money.

💸 You Know the Difference Between Trump and a Real Businessman?

A real businessman builds something.

 Trump slaps his name on it, loans it money from himself, charges a consulting fee, declares bankruptcy, and then blames the wind.

🧨 Final Thought?

Trump is not a businessman. He’s a walking default clause.

 He’s the physical embodiment of a bounced check.

And now he’s got the U.S. economy in his hands like it’s another casino he plans to rename “TRUMP AMERICA” and run into the ground before cashing out and fleeing to his next grift.

And we’re letting him do it.

Again.

That’s not just stupid.

 That’s strategically suicidal.