⚖️ SATIRE DISCLAIMER (NOW WITH EXTRA ‘HELL NO’!)

 This is satire in the voice of George Carlin—part stand-up, part scorched-earth civics lesson. If you think shoving sacred texts into science class is patriotism, we’ve got a lovely wall between church and state we’d like to introduce you to.

Let’s get this straight.

Louisiana tried to slap the Ten Commandments on the wall of every classroom like it’s part of the goddamn core curriculum.

Because clearly, the thing missing from modern education isn’t teacher pay, working plumbing, or actual textbooks—it’s the Thou Shalts and Thou Shalt Nots in 16-point font next to the lunch schedule.

And FOTUS? He backed it like it was the Eleventh Commandment: “Thou shalt vote for me.”

But the Fifth Circuit just said what the Founders were practically screaming from their dusty graves:

“You can teach religion. You can study religion. But you can’t force-feed it through the bulletin board.”

Because newsflash: This country wasn’t founded to build a church with a Pentagon.

We got separation of church and state for a reason—so every kid gets the same education, whether they worship Yahweh, the Flying Spaghetti Monster, or nothing at all.

Imagine being a queer kid, a trans kid, a Muslim kid, a secular kid, or hell—just a kid trying to pass algebra— and you’ve got a stone tablet cosplay poster staring you down, telling you not to covet your neighbor’s ox while you’re failing geometry.

This isn’t about “Judeo-Christian heritage.”

This is political theater with pews and glitter glue.

They’re not defending freedom—they’re enforcing conformity.

And no matter how they dress it up—“historical documents,” “moral foundation,” “cultural values”—the motive is the message:

Believe this, or be othered.

The 5th Circuit got it right:

 ✅ Kids are not your flock.

 ✅ Classrooms are not churches.

 ✅ And government shouldn’t have a favorite god—no matter how many commandments he’s got.

So what’s next?

Louisiana’s probably gonna appeal, wrap this thing in more founding-father cosplay, and march it straight to SCOTUS where logic goes to die.

But for now, the ruling stands:

Thou shalt not hang that shit in public schools.