Disclaimer: This isn’t a briefing, it’s George Carlin with a flamethrower. If you came for pie charts and piecemeal explanations, go sit through a PowerPoint. This is about how the mob boss in the Oval Office is cooking the books and selling you fear like it’s a goddamn timeshare.

So Axios waves around this shiny chart: “Look! Left-wing terrorism at a thirty-year high!” And what’s that number? Five. Five attacks. Through July. That’s it. Thirty years and we hit the grand total of five. Meanwhile, right-wing terror—our old reliable champion of blowing shit up—suddenly only has one incident. One. You expect me to believe the Nazis all took a gap year? That the Proud Boys are on sabbatical in fucking Aruba?

That chart only goes to July. JULY. It’s like declaring the Super Bowl winner at halftime because your bookie needs to pay the rent. “Game’s over, folks, pack it in, left-wingers are the big bad now.” Never mind the rest of the year, never mind what happens in August, September, or every other goddamn month where guns are still legal and lunatics are still armed.

And who’s doing the counting? CSIS publishes it, fine, but where do they get the numbers? The DOJ. The same DOJ that Trump turned into a banana republic law office, where spelling “principle” right is a heavy lift. You trust those guys to keep score? Hell no. They’ll count every Molotov cocktail in a dumpster fire as “left-wing terrorism” while writing off a church shooting by a white guy with a manifesto as “lone wolf, possible mental illness, not ideological.” That’s not data—that’s propaganda with a bar graph.

This is the narrative game. MAGA wants you to think ANTIFA is hiding under your bed, plotting the overthrow of America with spray paint and vegan chili recipes, while the good ol’ boys with AR-15s and pipe bombs are apparently knitting sweaters and reading the Bible. Five left-wing attacks is an “emergency.” Twenty right-wing attacks a year? That’s “freedom.”

And it’s working. They trot out this cooked-up scoreboard so the mob boss in the Oval Office can point and say, “See? The real threat is the left! We gotta crack down harder, lock ‘em up, shut ‘em down.” It’s protection money with pie charts: pay up, stay quiet, or we’ll call you the terrorist.

So here’s the truth: the numbers aren’t just off, they’re upside-down. The refs are paid off, the scoreboard’s rigged, and the game isn’t about safety—it’s about power. And if you believe the bullshit at face value, you probably believe Trump actually has “the best words.” Well here’s one word you can take to the bank: bullshit.