Disclaimer: This is satire. If you’re looking for balance, nuance, or polite discourse, you’ve taken a wrong turn off the internet.

Let’s talk about the One Big Beautiful Bill Act—OBBBA. Yeah, that’s the Republican masterpiece of legislative sadism. You know what it does? It takes a meat cleaver to the social safety net. SNAP? Gutted. Medicaid? Shredded. Programs meant to keep kids fed and the sick alive? Tossed on the bonfire of MAGA vanity so FOTUS can beat his chest and scream, “We saved America from freeloaders!”

Meanwhile, what’s really happening? Millions of families who are already hanging on by their fingernails are about to have those fingers stomped on. The safety net isn’t just frayed—it’s being set on fire with gasoline and campaign donations.

But here’s the thing: not every state is bowing down and kissing the ring. A few places still remember that government’s job isn’t to make you starve faster. They’re fighting back.

Enter Colorado. Colorado looked at the tidal wave of federal cuts coming in 2026 and said, “Fuck this noise. We’re feeding our kids.” They’ve got two measures on the ballot—Propositions MM and LL—designed to keep the Healthy School Meals for All program alive. You know, the crazy idea that children shouldn’t have to learn long division on an empty stomach.

How do they plan to pay for it? By asking the folks making over $300,000 a year to cough up an extra $486 in taxes. Let me repeat that: $486. That’s a single bottle of overpriced wine at a Denver steakhouse, or a single tire on the Porsche SUV you drive to the golf course.

And if you’re sitting there clutching your pearls, thinking that half a grand a year is too much to ensure every kid in Colorado eats lunch, then congratulations—you’re not a fiscal conservative, you’re a fucking ghoul. Maybe you should stop reading this blog and go sign up for the “Yes, Starvation Builds Character” newsletter instead.

Colorado’s saying: We’re not waiting for the feds to finish screwing us, we’ll patch the hole ourselves. That’s leadership. That’s sanity. That’s what it looks like when a state remembers that feeding children isn’t charity, it’s civilization.

Meanwhile, the rest of Dumbfuckistan is racing to show FOTUS how eagerly they’ll cut their own throats just to get a pat on the head. Colorado’s saying no. And the rest of us should be paying goddamn attention.