⚠️ Satire Disclaimer ⚠️This is political satire in the voice of George Carlin.

 It’s not journalism. It’s not bipartisan. It’s a thermonuclear word-bomb dropped squarely on bullshit from orbit. If you’re a MAGA snowflake with a fainting problem, please stand back from the screen and keep your tiny flag out of the blast radius.

So the layoffs have started. The “reductions-in-force.” The RIFs.

That’s a nice, sterile, bureaucratic little term, isn’t it? Doesn’t it sound gentle? Like a polite breeze through the cubicles. “Reduction-in-force.” 

You mean firing Americans during a government shutdown to prove a point.

Russ Vought — the budget guy who looks like he was built in a Heritage Foundation test tube — hopped on X to brag, “The RIFs have begun,” and his comms director answered with explosion emojis. Nothing says “serious governance” like firing people while texting like a 14-year-old Fortnite streamer.

Now, remember — these aren’t the “lazy bureaucrats” your uncle yells about on Facebook. These are air-traffic controllers, food-safety inspectors, CDC lab techs, data analysts who make sure the satellites don’t smash into each other. 

You know, the stuff that keeps the lights on in civilization.

They’re the ones not allowed to have opinions, but somehow always get blamed for the opinions of the people above them.

And now, thanks to President You’re-Fired, they’re actually fired.

For decades, a government shutdown meant furloughs. You stay home, you get paid later, we all grumble, the country survives. But this time, Trump decided to treat the shutdown like a garage sale. He’s not just closing the government — he’s liquidating it.

And he’s doing it for “efficiency.” The same guy who bankrupted casinos is suddenly the patron saint of fiscal prudence. That’s like putting a raccoon in charge of food storage.

He says, “We have to make sure essential services stay funded.” Translation: “We’re keeping the parts that help me, cutting the parts that help you.”

Education? Gone.

Health and Human Services? Gutted.

Energy? Stripped.

Public lands? Privatized.

Anything that smells like science, regulation, or compassion — gone faster than a morality clause in a Trump contract.

And here’s the kicker — this isn’t even about money. This is political hostage-taking with a side of sadism. He’s cutting Medicaid and health subsidies not to save cash, but to stick it to Democrats. “We’re gonna cut some very popular Democrat programs,” he says. Well no shit, Donny — that’s the point of government: to fund programs that are popular with the people.

And when the people who run the programs protest, he calls them “the Deep State.” But when he fires them, that’s not tyranny — it’s “draining the swamp.” Funny how the swamp always drains uphill, straight into a billionaire’s pockets.

And the MAGA faithful? Oh, they love it. They’re cheering as the government shuts down like it’s WrestleMania. They think this is freedom — until the meat inspectors vanish and the grocery store sells glow-in-the-dark chicken. Then they’ll be like, “Why didn’t the government do something?” Because you fired them, you dumb bastards!

Look, folks — I’ve said it before: government is supposed to be inefficient.

That’s its job!

It’s the goddamn brakes on the national roller coaster. You don’t want efficiency — you want stability. You want laws that take months to change so one narcissistic meatball can’t rewrite them over breakfast.

You know what happens when you get “efficient government”? They start deciding who deserves back pay, who’s “non-essential,” and pretty soon, you’re the non-essential.

This is the wet dream of every right-wing think tank since Reagan: starve the beast, sell the parts, and call it reform. And the beast, by the way, is you.

So while Vought and his emoji squad are celebrating the RIFs, remember who’s getting reduced. It’s not the lobbyists. It’s not the billionaires. It’s the scientists, the teachers, the clerks, the quiet ones who make the big machine hum.

They’re not cutting fat — they’re cutting function.

They’re not draining the swamp — they’re poisoning the reservoir.

And when the water stops coming out of the tap, they’ll say it’s because you didn’t clap hard enough for the flag.