Disclaimer: This rant contains language, logic, and righteous profanity. If you’re allergic to any of the above, call your doctor—or your senator, if you can find one with a spine.
You ever notice Republicans need a goddamn subpoena to develop a conscience?
Tucker Carlson invites a Holocaust-denying, Hitler-fangirling, swastika-collecting little fascist into a two-hour cuddlefest, and what’s the GOP response? A slow-motion blink and a “We find this… concerning.”
Concerning. Like a weird smell in the fridge.
The same people who treat a Pride flag like a sign of the apocalypse are suddenly philosophers of free speech. “Oh, he just wants to have a conversation.” Yeah, about exterminating people. Real open-minded, Tucker. Next week, maybe an in-depth chat with smallpox.
And the party? They shuffle, they mumble, they wait for someone else to go first. You can see the calculation in their eyes—How long before the base forgets? Can I pretend this didn’t happen until the next mass shooting distracts everyone?
When Mitch McConnell has to be the one saying, “Uh, Nazis are bad,” you know we’ve fallen through the moral floorboards and landed in hell’s crawlspace.
Meanwhile—meanwhile!—Democrats will yeet their own into the sun for sneezing near impropriety. Al Franken posed for one stupid USO photo that looked like rejected slapstick, and the Democrats lined up like it was the Spanish Inquisition. “Forgive us, voters, for we have sinned!” Gone in forty-eight hours.
Republicans? They’d build him a think tank, call it GropePAC, and name a highway after him.
See, that’s the asymmetry.
Democrats feel guilt like it’s a superpower. They’ll resign over a sternly worded tweet. Republicans treat guilt like a foreign substance—to be handled with tongs and burned after sundown.
The GOP has become that friend who keeps saying, “He’s not that bad once you get to know him,” about a guy who carves swastikas into bar stools. And you have to push them, drag them,* threaten to take away their tax deductions* just to get a half-assed, Susan-Collins-flavored “deeply troubled” statement.
They don’t condemn Nazis; they beta-test them for 2028.
And the Heritage Foundation? Oh, they’re out here playing “Hungary Is the Future” like it’s a TED Talk and not a warning label. When their own analysts are posting “Nazis Are Bad” as radical workplace dissent, you know the building’s on fire.
If Democrats found a Nazi in their ranks, there’d be a tearful press conference, a resignation letter, a six-part podcast on lessons learned, and an apology tour with John Legend.
Republicans? They’d add the guy to the Christmas card list and call it outreach.
One side overreacts to shame.
The other side outsourced theirs to history.