⚖️ LEGAL DISCLAIMER (Because You Can’t Say “Fuck” Without a Footnote):

 This is a satirical piece written in the style and spirit of the late George Carlin. It is not affiliated with or endorsed by the Carlin estate, the U.S. military, or any government agency currently trying to outlaw decency. Strong language, strong opinions, and zero tolerance for bigotry ahead. Reader discretion is advised. Offenders will be mocked.

🎖️ VICTORY DAY, TRANS HISTORY, AND THE MILITARY’S SELECTIVE MEMORY

 With your host: Angry, Dead, and Righteously Correct George Carlin

Before we get to the rant, let’s talk facts.

 Because they sure as hell aren’t going to.

Trans people have been serving in the U.S. military since at least World War II.

 Yep. That’s right. While American boys were storming Normandy, there were trans men like Lou Sullivan—who would later become one of the first people to live openly as a gay trans man—working behind the scenes. And Roberta Cowell, a British pilot and WWII veteran, was the first known British trans woman to undergo gender-affirming surgery. Don’t think for a second there weren’t American counterparts doing the same—quietly, invisibly, because being visible got you court-martialed.

They fought. They served. They bled.

And now, in 2025, we’ve got bootlickers in suits saying they’re “unfit”?

🎤 THE MILITARY, TRANSGENDER BANS, AND OTHER BULLSHIT

 As told by the late, great, and perpetually pissed George Carlin

You ever notice how the people who scream the loudest about freedom are the first ones to slap a ban on somebody else’s existence?

Let me tell you something about the United States military. You know, the big scary machine we keep polishing like it’s our national dick? Yeah, that military. The one that costs more than the next ten countries combined. The one that’s been stuck in a 20-year war with a guy in sandals and a Wi-Fi hotspot. That military.

We’ll take anybody! High school dropouts, sociopaths, folks with a GED and a head full of Alex Jones. We’ll take poor kids, desperate kids, kids with no other way out, hand ‘em a rifle and a recruitment video, and send ‘em off to die for some CEO’s third yacht.

BUT GOD FORBID—you got a dick and don’t want it anymore? Or you were born with the wrong parts? Or you feel more like “her” than “him”? Oh nooo, we can’t have that!

Because that’s the line, apparently. Not the war crimes. Not the civilian drone strikes. Not the Navy SEALs pissing on corpses—no, the real threat to “military excellence” is Corporal Jamie who used to be Jim and wants to keep serving her goddamn country.

Give me a fucking break.

These clowns in power—and yeah, I'm lookin' at you, Trump, you sentient road flare—are terrified of anything that doesn’t fit their Norman Rockwell fantasy. White, straight, Protestant, meat-and-potatoes motherfuckers with American flags in both fists and an AR-15 shoved up their ass.

They say transgender troops are a “distraction.” Oh really? More distracting than an underqualified idiot tweeting nuclear threats from a toilet at 3 AM? More distracting than soldiers coming home with PTSD and getting thoughts and prayers instead of healthcare?

Look. If someone is willing to sign up, train, bleed, and maybe die for this country—let them.

Let. Them.

Don’t care what they’ve got between their legs. I care what they’ve got between their ears—and if it’s courage, grit, and the kind of goddamn determination it takes to live in this country while being trans? That’s the kind of person I WANT in a foxhole.

Meanwhile, these pearl-clutching politicians are hiding behind podiums with American flags stapled to their lapels, crying about “military readiness” while slashing benefits, underfunding the VA, and giving defense contracts to companies that couldn’t organize a lemonade stand without blowing up a village by mistake.

And the Supreme Court? Those robed referees of regression? Six of ‘em said, “Yeah, let’s go ahead and treat trans people like they’re defective equipment.”

 Like human beings are a goddamn dress code violation.

Well guess what? This country has always survived on the backs of the people it tries hardest to erase.

So you wanna serve?

 You wanna fight?

 You wanna protect the rights of a country that’s too chickenshit to protect yours?

You’re a fucking hero.

And anyone who tells you otherwise—well, they’re not fit to shine your boots, let alone legislate your life.