⚠️ GEORGE-LEVEL WARNING LABEL ⚠️

 Tonight’s program contains explicit language, unconstitutional indignation, and enough outrage to set off a 1776 reenactment. If you are allergic to profanity, facts wrapped in jokes, or the idea that the government should NOT have your face, fingerprints, AND your genome because you happened to stop at a red light — turn back now. Everyone else: buckle up. We’re going full Founding-Father-meltdown.

THE BIOMETRIC POLICE STATE — NOW WITH MORE GASLIGHT

You ever notice how the government always swears it’s protecting you — right before it sticks a cotton swab in your cheek and uploads your DNA to a database the size of Jupiter?

Welcome to America, 2025: land of the free, home of the permanently cataloged. And ICE, God bless ’em, has decided that what this country really needed wasn’t better leadership or functioning airports — no, no — it needed Mobile Fortify, the hot new surveillance app that turns every ICE agent into a walking, talking general warrant with a badge.

This story starts like every Orwellian nightmare should: with a U.S. citizen — a veteran, mind you — driving to work, getting stopped, saying “I’m an American,” showing documents, repeating himself like a broken GPS signal, and STILL getting dragged off, strip-searched, and DNA-collected like he’d just tried to smuggle plutonium in his sock.

ICE held him for days. They forced a DNA swab. They fed his biometrics into a system that keeps the records indefinitely. And when the story blew up?

 “Oh, he became violent.”

 Right. Sure. The usual script: “We were defending ourselves from this dangerous man’s… documents.”

And here’s the kicker: because of Mobile Fortify, this isn’t an accident — it’s the business model. ICE can stop anyone they ‘encounter,’ which apparently means “whoever crosses their line of sight.” Citizen? Tourist? Grandma buying oranges? Too bad. If the photo doesn’t immediately match their giant digital panopticon, bam, fingerprints. And if THAT doesn’t satisfy the machine, get ready to spit in a tube.

Remember how the Founders had that whole “no general warrants” thing? Yeah, well, DHS read that and said:

 “Cute. What if we build one anyway but make it an app?”

And the best part? They keep the biometric data of innocent American citizens — not for a week, not for a year — but for fifteen years. Your face gets stored longer than Wal-Mart keeps expired peanut butter on a shelf.

And then they tell you it’s for your safety. Because nothing says “freedom” like a database full of innocent people’s DNA, run by an agency that can’t tell a citizen apart from a deportation target without strip-searching him.

This is what happens when courts decide that “privacy” only applies to things you keep in a locked chest under your bed, and everything else — your face, your fingerprints, your entire genetic code — is fair game for anyone with a badge and a nose swab.

We now live in a country where ICE can mistake you for an undocumented immigrant, arrest you, strip you, swab you, and upload your soul to the Matrix — and you have to fight in court for the privilege of getting your DNA back.

And the administration? Oh, they LOVE this. This is their fantasy: fear as policy. Surveillance as patriotism. "If you have nothing to hide," they say, "you won’t mind the government taking samples like you're a free-range lab rat."

Let me be perfectly clear in language even FOTUS can understand:

If the government can stop ANYONE, collect their DNA WITHOUT suspicion, store it FOREVER, and then pretend it’s normal — that’s not immigration enforcement.

 That’s not public safety.

 That’s not America.

 That’s the shit the Founding Fathers LITERALLY FOUGHT A WAR OVER.

And they didn’t do it so ICE could build Pokémon Go: DNA Edition.

So on this fine day in the land of liberty, remember: they’re building a database. They’re expanding it. And they’re justifying it with “what if” fairy tales that wouldn’t pass a high school civics quiz.

This isn’t security.

 This isn’t law enforcement.

 This is a general warrant, digitized and monetized.

And the next time someone tells you this is normal, patriotic, or necessary?

Tell them James Otis said to go fuck themselves.