⚠️ LEGAL DISCLAIMER:

 This is a satirical rant written in the voice of the late George Carlin. If you’re offended by sharp language, sharper wit, or the idea that books might be more important than pearl-clutching politicians, turn back now. And go read something.

George Says: “THEY TRIED TO BAN BOOKS IN TEXAS—AGAIN. BECAUSE OF COURSE THEY DID.”

You know what HB 1375 was?

 It was a lawsuit delivery system for the terminally fragile.

 It said, “Hey, if you read something that makes your pants tight or your brain tingle,  just sue the bookstore!”

That's right. In Texas, they tried to pass a law that said if a book offends your delicate moral sensibilities—or your kid accidentally learns something—you can drag the store into court.

Not the publisher.

 Not the author.

The goddamn store.

That’s like suing the bartender because you got drunk on thoughts.

Let’s be clear: This wasn’t about protecting children.

 This was about controlling minds.

 Because books?

 Books are dangerous.

They don’t blow up buildings.

 They don’t carry guns.

 But they do something much worse: They make you THINK.

 And if you start thinking,  you might realize that half the people writing these laws are dumber than a sack of wet Bibles.

This bill would’ve made bookstores personally liable for what they sell.

 Majority owners—held responsible for “obscenity,” as defined by people who think a nipple is a gateway drug to Satan.

You know who else tried shit like that?

The Inquisition.

The Taliban.

And the Catholic Church right around Gutenberg’s third print run.

But the good news?

 It died.

 HB 1375 missed the deadline.

 Didn’t get voted on.

 Stuck in legislative purgatory like a Gideon Bible in a strip club.

But let me tell you something:

Bills like this don’t die.

 They hibernate.

 They hide in amendments.

 They rebrand.

Next time it’ll be called the “Texas Youth Reading Safety Act” or the “Faith-Based Library Access Initiative.”

 Same poisoned pill, new sugar coating.

And one night, while nobody’s watching, they’ll staple it to a bill about stop signs or septic tanks and pass it when the janitor’s running the chamber.

So here’s what George says:  If your answer to “this book offends me” is to threaten the store that sells it, you don’t belong in a democracy.

 You belong in a padded cell with Fox News wallpaper.

Books are supposed to piss you off.

 They’re supposed to challenge you.

 Make you uncomfortable.

 Make you think.

 And if you’re scared of a bookstore?

You don’t need a lawyer. You need a librarian and a fuckin’ hug.

George out.

 And remember:

 If your ideology can be defeated by a book, maybe it deserves to be.