Legal Disclaimer: This is a satirical rant in the style of George Carlin. It targets public acts by public officials. If you’re the kind of patriot who waves a flag with one hand while shredding the Constitution with the other—this one’s for you.
So the FOTUS, the Tangerine Toddler, decided that a government shutdown was the perfect time to fire thousands of federal workers—you know, the ones already furloughed, unpaid, and praying their rent checks don’t bounce higher than Mar-a-Lago’s insurance fraud.
And why? Because, he said, they work for “Democrat programs.” Not departments, not agencies, not human beings with families—programs. Like they’re apps you can delete off a phone that’s out of storage.
The man looked at the federal workforce and thought, “What if I ran the government like The Apprentice?”Spoiler: the courts said, “You’re fired.”
The judge basically told him, “You can’t use a shutdown as a hit list.” But FOTUS doesn’t do law—he does revenge with a side of grievance. He’s out there swinging an ax like a drunk lumberjack, yelling, “Cut the blue ones!” Meanwhile, actual Americans—teachers, health workers, veterans’ clerks—are the ones bleeding from the budget.
This is what happens when the government is run by a guy whose idea of civil service is tipping the caddy after a felony sentencing.
And the best part? They call it fiscal responsibility.
Yeah—because nothing screams fiscal restraint like paying back wages to the people you illegally fired. He’s saving money the same way arson saves on heating bills.
The whole shutdown is performance art at this point. “Drain the swamp”? Buddy, you are the swamp—complete with a criminal record and a golf course. Every time he opens his mouth, a federal judge somewhere hears the Law & Order gavel sound effect.
He’s trying to prove he’s tough on “the deep state,” but what he’s really proving is he doesn’t understand the word “state.” It’s the “United States,” not “United Sycophants.”
They keep saying this is about accountability.
Accountability? You can’t spell that with the number of letters missing from his indictments. You don’t get to scream “law and order” while moonlighting as defendant of the decade.
He’s weaponizing the shutdown like it’s a loyalty test: “Who do you serve—me, or the Constitution?”
And the courts, bless their weary, caffeine-addicted souls, finally answered: “Not you, asshole.”
So here’s to the judges still holding the line, to the workers who didn’t quit even when they were fired, and to the rest of us, who are tired of living in a country that feels like an unpaid internship in autocracy.
The FOTUS can tweet, tantrum, and torch whatever’s left of decorum—but democracy’s still got teeth.
And right now, it’s biting back.