⚖️ SNARKY DISCLAIMER:

 Tonight’s performance of “The Constitution Still Technically Exists” is brought to you by the Supremacy Clause, Article VI of your pre-owned Constitution. No substitutions, no refunds, and no guarantees that tomorrow won’t be a flaming shitstorm again. All rights reserved. Unless you're undocumented, queer, trans, female, or just generally inconvenient—then it's more of a suggestion.

So let me get this straight… SCOTUS—this SCOTUS!—actually upheld the Constitution?

Wait, wait, don’t clap yet. Don’t breathe too deep. They didn’t rule on it. No, no. They just said, “Yeah, we’re gonna go ahead and let the lower court keep its pants on for now.” But in Trump’s America, that’s the judicial equivalent of a goddamn pride parade.

This was Florida, folks. Florida! Where the state motto is “The Constitution is a coaster and we’re out of napkins.” Where Ron DeSantis and his legal sock puppet decided they could make it illegal to exist without paperwork. Not work, not drive—exist. Like being undocumented in Florida is now a state of being, punishable by arrest, unless, of course, you’re trimming hedges at Mar-a-Lago, then you get a MAGA hat and a 1099.

And SCOTUS—this SCOTUS, the one packed by the human slab of expired meat we used to call President—squinted at the Florida clown parade and went, “Yeah… no. That ain’t it, chief.”

You know why?

Because for all the fascist cosplay, they still believe in the Supremacy Clause. You know, the part of the Constitution that says federal law is the top dog? The Supreme Law of the Land? Like how immigration is a federal responsibility, not something Ronny Razorback gets to handle between Disney lawsuits?

Now, don’t get sentimental. This isn’t about moral courage. No, these justices were grown in a lab by the Federalist Society. Constitutional constructionists—legal fundamentalists who look at a 1789 document and say, “Yeah, that’s still totally relevant.” They treat James Madison’s diary like it's Yelp for how to run a nation.

But this one? This case? It was easy. This wasn’t Roe. This wasn’t voting rights. This was textbook. First-year law school, first week, first lecture: “Hi, I’m your professor. The states can’t do immigration law. Class dismissed.”

But Florida thought they were special. They always do. Like a toddler with a Sharpie who draws on the wall and then argues the wall asked for it.

And let’s talk about Florida’s Attorney General, shall we? This guy got held in contempt of court because he sent a letter saying, “Sure, we’ll comply with the order,” followed by a second letter that basically said, “LOL, just kidding, the judge doesn’t count.” That’s not legal strategy, that’s middle school drama club.

And he quoted Humpty Dumpty. No, really. He gave a speech straight out of Through the Looking Glass because nothing screams “I respect the rule of law” like using a fictional egg to explain why you think you’re above it.

Meanwhile, DeSantis stands there like a sad backup quarterback who peaked in high school, signing bills he knows will get smacked down, just to keep the base foaming like a discount rabies outbreak.

And Trump? Oh, FOTUS? You built this mess. You let the Federalist Society pick your judges because they were pre-washed and ready to stack the deck—and surprise! They read the rulebook. They don’t always care, but they know it. So when Florida tried to LARP federal immigration enforcement, the Justices said, “Nah. We like our fascism in order, thank you very much.”

So yeah, SCOTUS did its job. This time. By not doing a damn thing. Like a bouncer who actually checked the list and kept Florida out of the club.

Let’s see how long that lasts.

Because remember, folks: the bar is so low now, it’s subterranean—and even when they clear it, we’re still not safe.

Not by a long shot.