⚠️ SATIRE DISCLAIMER (Now with Less Gravity, More Grift):

 This is a fictional rant in the unmistakable voice of George Carlin, written as political satire. If you think space exploration should depend on loyalty oaths and ego bruises, you might already be orbiting Planet Bullshit.

George Says: “WHEN YOU’RE TOO QUALIFIED FOR TRUMP’S NASA, YOU KNOW IT’S TIME TO LAUNCH YOURSELF INTO THE SUN.”

So here we go again—the FOTUS fired a guy for being good at his job.

Jared Isaacman.

 Private astronaut. Billionaire tech guy. Actually gives a shit about space.

 Has flown in orbit, wants to push humanity further into the stars.

 You’d think that’d be the résumé gold standard for running NASA, right?

WRONG.

 You forgot the most important qualification for this administration: unquestioning, balls-deep loyalty to Dear Leader.

See, Isaacman’s problem wasn’t that he lacked experience.

 It’s that he wasn’t kissing enough orange ass.

 Or maybe—maybe—he was still a little too chummy with Elon, who’s suddenly persona non grata now that Trump’s fragile ego caught a scratch.

That’s right. You want to know why he really got dropped?

Because he’s Elon-adjacent.

 And Musk is no longer in the Trumpian circle of trust.

 They broke up like two billionaires who found out they were both the alpha in the relationship.

So Isaacman? Boom. Gone.

 Thrown out the airlock of political loyalty.

And let me get this straight—this guy leads private missions, funds spacewalks, wants to expand low Earth orbit access, and has probably spent more time in a capsule than Trump has reading a briefing memo...

 But no. Not good enough.

You know what’s coming next, right?

President Trump appoints a guy who thinks the moon is made of cheese and vaccines are a Chinese plot.

 Or maybe he gives it to Elon anyway, if he grovels hard enough.

 Or Eric. Fuck it, probably Eric. “NASA? That’s like golf, but higher, right Dad?”

Because none of this is about science.

 Or exploration.

 Or humanity.

It’s about revenge.

This is high school drama with planetary consequences.

And the rest of us?

 We’re sitting on a rock hurtling through space while the guy in charge pulls the plug on the only people trying to get us off it.

NASA used to be the crown jewel of American innovation.

 Now it’s a reality show prize: “Who Wants to Be a Space Czar?”

 Week one: loyalty pledge.

 Week two: flatter the ego.

 Week three: get fired for being too competent.

George out.

 And if you think Earth’s in trouble now, just wait ‘til the FOTUS puts a fucking mattress salesman in charge of the Mars colony.

Because you know what they say about black holes?

At least they’re consistent.