📣 SNARKY DISCLAIMER:

 This satirical rant is brought to you by the George Carlin School of Civic Education, where we teach that the real American Dream is staying awake long enough to see the bastards get bench-slapped.

So here's a fun one for your Fourth of July week, kids:

While the Supreme Court is busy taping a "DO NOT DISTURB" sign on the Constitution, real judges—the ones who still think law means something—are stepping up like it’s the ninth inning and democracy’s got two outs.

Let’s talk about the one thing more American than baseball and gun violence: suing the government when it tries to fire everyone in public health during a goddamn plague cycle. Because that’s exactly what happened.

See, RFK Jr.—a man who thinks vaccines are a CIA plot and Wi-Fi gives you polio—got himself a fancy job running the Department of Health and Human Services. And his first move? Try to lay off 10,000 people. Not quietly, not carefully—but all at once, like a MAGA Chainsaw Massacre of medical expertise.

Because nothing says “Make America Healthy Again” like telling cancer researchers, child nutrition experts, and CDC scientists to pack their shit and learn to code.

But wait! It gets dumber.

According to Kennedy himself, he knew 20% of those firings would be "mistakes" ahead of time.

That’s 2,000 people gone from the most medically advanced health bureaucracy in human history, because this anti-vax mouthbreather thought “oops” was a policy strategy.

And don’t miss this part:

He didn’t go through Congress.

He didn’t follow statute.

He didn’t give a single bureaucratic fuck.

He wrote a memo. One goddamn memo.

Ten thousand people fired.

That’s not administrative reform. That’s workplace genocide.

But here's the twist—

A federal judge said NOPE.

Judge Melissa DuBose took one look at the plan and slapped it down like a TSA agent finding a suitcase full of fireworks. She called it what it was: illegal, chaotic, destructive, and flat-out unconstitutional. The memo violated congressional directives, sabotaged statutory programs, and nuked decades of coordinated health systems overnight.

And before you start crowing about "activist judges," this wasn’t ideological.

This was law.

And thank the Founders someone’s still reading it.

Now—real talk?

SCOTUS tried to cut the legs off universal injunctions on Friday. Tried to make it harder for courts to stop this kind of mass governmental fuckery with a single ruling. You know, because accountability is so last century. If you want the full bloodbath, check the Monday and Tuesday rants. But today?

Today’s about the silver lining.

Because even after the Court locked the fire extinguisher in the basement, this judge walked straight through the smoke and did her goddamn job.

And that should terrify the folks in charge.

Because once again—when the system teetered on the brink, it wasn’t Congress that saved us. It wasn’t the media. It sure as hell wasn’t the executive branch.

It was a line of lawyers, a federal courthouse, and a judge who still knew the difference between governance and gaslighting.

And it worked.

So take your fireworks, America.

But while you’re at it, light one for every bureaucrat saved, every child still getting care, and every time the Constitution didn’t end up in a shredder labeled “executive memo.”

Because somewhere in Rhode Island, freedom didn’t come from a bald eagle—it came from a damn injunction.