⚠️ SNARKY DISCLAIMER

This rant is brought to you by the Ghost of George Carlin, the ghost of your civil rights, and the nagging voice in your head that says, “Didn’t we already fight this fight?” If you think “equal protection” is a suggestion, or that marriage is a club only open to straight people, get comfy — you’re about to get roasted.

🎂 The Crime? Overturning a Decade of “Nobody Died”

Ten years ago, the Supreme Court said, “Yeah, same-sex couples can get married.” The sky didn’t fall. The oceans didn’t boil. The only thing that changed is some wedding playlists got better.

But now? Kim Davis is back. Remember Kim? Kentucky county clerk. Refused to issue licenses. Got jailed. Came out acting like Rosa Parks — if Rosa Parks refused to let people sit next to each other.

📜 The Playbook? Straight Outta Dobbs

She’s using the same “we were egregiously wrong” schtick the Court used to kill Roe v. Wade. Translation: We didn’t like it then, and we really don’t like it now, so screw precedent.

And she’s got company — nine states already drafting their “no homo” marriage bills, and the Southern Baptists just made repealing Obergefell their number one mission. Not feeding the hungry. Not sheltering the homeless. Nope. Keeping two dudes from cutting a cake together.

📉 The Math? Ignoring 70%

Seventy percent of Americans support marriage equality. But the other thirty? They’ve got lawyers, megachurches, and a serious nostalgia boner for 1955. They’re loud, they’re organized, and they want to roll the calendar back so far, interracial marriage starts looking “controversial” again.

🏛️ The White House? Gold-Plated Hypocrisy

And who’s sitting behind the Resolute Desk? FOTUS — Felon of the United States. The man who thinks everything should be gold-plated except the Constitution. He’s already gutting trans rights, banning gender-affirming care, and treating queer kids like they’re a national security threat.

If you think he gives a damn about “the sanctity of marriage,” remember — this is a guy who’s been married more times than he’s read the Bill of Rights.

💍 The Endgame? Control Everything

This isn’t about weddings. It’s about control. First marriage. Then adoption. Then contraception. Then your damn browser history. These people don’t want smaller government. They want a government small enough to fit in your bedroom — and still big enough to read your texts.

🚨 So Let’s Be Clear:

This is not morality.

This is not faith.

This is not “family values.”

This is a power grab, gift-wrapped in Bible verses and delivered by people who couldn’t quote Leviticus if you stapled it to their forehead.

💥 The Fix? Slam the Door

The only way this ends is if we slam the door on Kim and her crew so hard they have to marry each other just to stay in the game. Because once these rights are gone, they don’t come back with flowers and an apology. They come back with a goddamn fight.

Mic drop.